The Perks of Being Me

August 1, 2015

Dear Charlie,

Today I've decided that I do wanna go see Austin Jones next week. It's a free show so why not.

The problem is is that I wanna take my little sister, the one I talked about before as if I have any other little sisters. But first this is not exactly her scene and I won't be able to tell him how much he means to me and how he has helped me with her there.

I don't want anyone to know. The only people that know are my mother and brother and my brother hangs that over my head and he says things why dont you go and kill yourself like all the time.

I don't want you to get the wrong impression he can be nice, like he even remembered that my favourite group when I was like 11 was blood on the dance floor.

I came to the conclusion of this after strangely having a dream about him last night. It was sweet he seemed really cool. I just think it would be good to meet someone that's been through shit like me.

Speaking of that when I got out the shower I noticed that my scars are fading. I want them back to be a constant reminder of where Ive come from. My mom stopped checking my wrists a while ago so I think I might just try there to next time.

I know some people think like why would I continue to do this to myself. They don't understand that ache in you arm that's there until it's relieved. It's like when a drug addict goes off their drugs and theres this constant feeling in their stomach until they get their fix.

I want it, I need it, I know I shouldn't but it's the only way other things just dont suffice. Maybe meeting Austin Jones will change my mind. He went so long without being hospitalized and look where he is, making his wau to the top.

Remember: LIFE'S A BITCH AND THEN YOU DIE

Love always,
Me

A/N

I DONT REMEMBER IF I TOLD YOU WHO AUSTIN JONES IS BUT HE IS A YOUTUBER/VINER/SINGER AND IS BEAUTIFUL AND HAS ACTUALLY HELPED ME ALOT LATELY.

IN VIDEO ABOVE