"Read all you want" [Frerard]

15: Feels Like War

Gerard

Fuck...

Fuck I fucked up so fucking bad...

I sigh and stare at the door. The door where Frankie just ran through to get away from me. I bite my lips harshly and replay the scene in my head. Everything was okay. Everything was fine. But suddenly Frank started screaming at me and he ran off. What on earth did I do wrong? I really don't know...

I stand up and pull my pants back up and quickly pull on a T-shirt. I walk out of the room and knock on the door next to mine. "Yeah?"

"M-Mikey?" I stutter out. I angrily wipe away my upcoming tears. I fucked up, don't whine you asshole. The door swings open and Mikey frowns when he sees me. "Gee? What's wrong? Aren't you supposed to be fucking Frank?" I shake my head and just walk into the room. Ray looks up at me and frowns, but he doesn't say anything. I sit down on what I presume is Mikey's bed, and sigh again.

"Everything went fine, Mikey. He was so submissive and I fed him and I collared him, and he loved every single moment. But then we started making out, and I have no idea what went wrong but suddenly he pushed me off of him and he started screaming at me and he ran off..."

Mikey, who knows a lot about the BDSM lifestyle through what I've told him, frowns and shakes his head. "I... I don't know, Gee. Did you say something right before it happened? I mean you've told me once that there are subs who get like, triggered? When you say a certain thing." Mikey says, and I think about it really hard. What did he do? What did I say? Then suddenly I feel the blood drain from my face. I did trigger him.

"I did say something about that he didn't try hard enough? Oh fuck... He's told me about his experiences with his parents. He never did good enough. They used to tell him that every single day... Of course I triggered him... Goddamn I'm so stupid... Now he's maybe going to fall in subdrop as well and..." I stutter out. Mikey cuts me off. "Stop it. You have to find him and talk to him. We'll help you find him, right Ray?"

Ray nods. "Of course. Although I think he may be hiding in the tour bus." I nod to that. "Yeah. That seems likely. I'll check it out. If he's not over there I'll call you." I say then, and Mikey and Ray nod. "Good luck, Gerard. Just remember that everything will be alright. I promise." Mikey says and gives me an encouraging smile. "Thank you..." I smile back, and make my way to the tour bus.

"Frankie? Frankie are you here?" I say when I walk in. No answer. But I do hear the sobs coming from the living room, so I slowly make my way there. "Frankie? I am so, so sorry..." I whisper softly. Frank immediately looks up and shakes his head frantically. "No. You didn't do anything wrong... I'm just a fuck up..." Frank chokes out. I bite my lips as I hear him say that. I sit down next to him on the couch and pull him close. "You're not a fuck up, baby. I triggered you. And I'm sorry." I whisper and I stroke his hair. Frank shakes his head again. "Gerard this is not your fault I shouldn't have reacted like that... It was stupid. I mean we had a perfect night and then I ruined it like this... And... And..."

"Shhhh baby... Hey. Listen to me. It's not your fault, okay? You're not the only sub who gets triggered by certain words or phrases." I explain to him, remembering that this is all so new to him. "Really?" I nod to him. "Really. And now we know what triggers you, so I know what I shouldn't say to you. It'll be fine. Just come back with me to our room okay, we can cuddle there for a while." I say then. Frank nods and smiles faintly. "I love you..."

"I love you too, Frankie. Come." I say and then carry him back to our hotel room. I lay Frank down in the bed and pull the covers over his body, before I lock the door and quickly message Mikey and Ray to let them know everything is alright. Then I lay down next to Frank and pull him against me. Frank giggles and I can't help but smile at that. He's just so adorable. "I'm so tired Sir..." he whispers and yawns. I kiss his forehead and nod. "Then go to sleep baby." I whisper in a soft voice. Frank buries his head against my chest and closes his eyes. "Goodnight, Frankie."

"Goodnight, Sir."

A few minutes later, Frank is asleep. I watch his face and sigh. Maybe I didn't fuck up that bad after all. I know Frank and I have to talk this through. But we have plenty of time to do so. First he needs to get a little more comfortable with everything. Maybe... Maybe I should introduce him to other subs. Let him talk with them. It might help him realize that he's by far not the only one who faces these problems. And he could learn more. Things only subs really understand. Yes. Yes that's a great idea. As soon as our tour is over, I'll introduce him to the Black Shadow's subs. They are wonderful submissives and they love helping the newbies out.

I watch Frank again and smile. We'll be alright.