"Read all you want" [Frerard]

32: Tough Little Boy

Gerard

I hate this.

I hate how broken Frank is, again. He doesn't deserve this, goddammit. He deserves to have a smile on his face. He deserves to be happy. But it's taken from him. Again. I look at him. He's asleep on the couch. After we talked about what happened, he was exhausted. I made him a sandwich. He ate half of it, before he asked me if he could sleep. I let him. At least he ate something.

I sigh and take out my phone to call Lindsey. We planned to take Bandit to a theme park tomorrow, but now we can't. 

"Hey, Gerard. What's up?" she asks me as she answers the phone. I look at Frank again to make sure he's asleep, before I continue talking. "Lindsey... We can't take Bandit tomorrow, I'm sorry." I start. I can almost hear her frown. She knows I wouldn't cancel something like that unless something is wrong.

"Why not? Are you sick?"

"No... Something happened. Oh God, Lindsey..." I whisper and suddenly I get tears in my eyes. The first time since it happened. I couldn't let myself cry in front of Frank. But now... "They raped Frank..." I choke out. Lindsey gasps. "Fuck..." she whispers silently. "W-when?"

"Last night, after he left the Black Shadows. He-"

"Mommy, what is wrong?" I hear Bandit's voice in the background. Lindsey hesitates for a couple of seconds. "Bandit, sweetheart. I have bad news for you. Daddy and Frank can't go to the theme park with you tomorrow. Frank is very sick." she explains to her. I bite my lips. If only Frank was just sick... "Will he be okay?"

"Of course sweetheart. Now, why don't you choose a dvd we can watch? I need to talk with Daddy for a couple of minutes. When I'm finished, we'll watch the movie. Okay?"

"Okay Mommy." 

Lindsey sighs. "Gerard, I don't know what to say... This is horrible... How is he doing?" she whispers. I shrug, even though she can't see that. "Bad. He's a mess. He's exhausted and scared. I'm surprised he still let's me touch him... He's covered in bruises. He couldn't tell me a lot about what happened, but they broke him... They even took off his collar. Told him that because he's into BDSM, he belongs to anyone who wants to fuck him. Dammit, I don't..."

"Oh God... Gerard I... I am so sorry for what happened to him." she says and I know she means it. I bite my lips. "And now he needs to do a STD test tomorrow and I wish he wouldn't have to and I don't know what to do, Lindsey. How do I comfort him through this?"

"I don't... Just... Be there for him I guess? You know Frank. He seems tough to people who don't know him, but he's is so vulnerable. Especially since he's very submissive. You should ask Frank what he thinks would help him, because everyone is different of course, but my first guess is that he needs someone to cling onto. To guide him. You've been doing that already, but I think he might need it even more right now. But just ask him, okay? Maybe I am wrong and he needs a lot of space instead. Keep talking with him." she says. I nod to that. "I guess you're right..." 

Frank makes a soft noise and his eyes flutter open. He looks around for a couple of seconds, before he squeezes his eyes shut and wrap his arms around his own chest. Dammit... I close my eyes for a couple of seconds. "Lindsey? I have to go, thank you for listening. I'll keep you updated." I whisper.

"Yeah, of course. Take care, Gerard..."

"Thanks." I say, and she ends the call. I lie down next to Frank and pull him against me. He doesn't say anything, but moves a little closer. At least he isn't afraid of me... "Hey baby... Are you okay?" I whisper softly. Frank shrugs. "I don't know..." he whispers and looks up at me. "I'm sorry..."

"For what?"

"For ruining our trip with Bandit... For being a mess... For not wanting to kiss you-"

"Stop it. Frank. Stop it, please. We'll have an amazing trip with Bandit another day. And please, don't apologize for how you feel. It's fine. I'd feel more worried if you'd hide them. And about the not kissing thing? Don't you even dare to feel sorry for that. I understand, Frank. I don't love you any less of this, okay?"

Frank nods and I slowly rub his back. "Frankie? Is there anything I can do to help you?" Fran frowns and looks at me, clearly not expecting the question. "You're helping me already. Just... Keep doing what you already do. I want to stay close to you..." he whispers. I smile at him and ignore the urge to kiss him. "And... What about being submissive?"

Frank tenses. "I-I..." 

I am such an idiot. 

"I mean the non-sexual parts, baby. Don't worry." Frank blushes. "Yeah, right... I want to keep doing that. It helps me focus..." he whispers. I nod to him. "Good." Frank touches his collar and closes his eyes again. "I am glad I still have it..."

"Me too..."

"Thank you, Gerard. For always being so patient. You're always there for me. Thank you."

---------

A couple of hours later, I also called Mikey and Ray to tell them what happened. We were about to plan a new tour, but we can't right now. They were so shocked and immediately asked me if there was anything they could do to help, but I said I'd call them if I knew anything.

"Sir?"

I look up startled as Frank's voice pulls me out of my thoughts. He called me Sir. I smile at him. "Yes, Frankie?" he bites his lips. "Can I cook tonight?" I chuckle. "Of course! What do you want to make?" Frank shrugs. "Don't know that yet. But we'd have to do groceries..."

"That's fine. Do you want to go right now?" I ask him and Frank nods. I can see he's still struggling every single second, but I am so happy he is trying to do something that he likes doing. My sweet little boy. He's hurt so badly, but he keeps on fighting. I am so proud of him.

"Well, what are we waiting for then?" I say and stand up. Frank smiles at me. It's a hesitant smile, but it's something. 

"I love you, Frank."

"I love you too, Sir..."