Help Me God

Church on Sunday Morning

Allyson and I woke up to the sound of Austin rapping at our bedroom door. I slept on the floor and Allyson got the bed. Simply because I like the floor and Dont mind sleeping on it.
"Wake up wake up."
I jumped up and searched around the room for the source of the noise. Narrowing my eyes I march towards the door.
"Why are you waking us up? It is 9 o'clock in the morning."
I demand as I glance towards the clock next to my bed.
"We have church."
Turning around I roll my eyes and make my way to the bed. With a soothing voice I whisper.
"Allyson time to get up."
She stirs gently then turns over facing me. She doesn't ask why she just mumbles.
"Ok. Im up," she sits up and looks to Austin, "Dont ever play drums you can't keep a beat for nothing."
I smile and walk over to my bag. Grabbing a T-shirt and some jeans I make my way to the bathroom to freshen up.
After about 20 minutes I come back out of the bathroom. Fully dressed and freshly showered.
I head to the kitchen. Allyson sits with makeup on and a dress, normal attire for her. And her hair is curled. Austin is wearing a flannel shirt. It is red and black. He also has on blue jeans. I take a stare down at my clothes. A T-shirt with holes and Wardrobe before warfare sprawled across it. And to accompany it i have baggy jeans with converse to top it all off.
Everybody stares me down. I turn and walk off. Quickly I change into a blue T-shirt one look at my pants and I decide some capris would be better, and we all march off to the truck. I sit in the middle. Allyson to my left. Austin to my right. He seems in a slightly better mood than yesterday. He now is making eye contact with me. I turn and look at him. He is staring deeply through the window. He seems tired, unlike his usual upbeat self. After some time he turns and faces me. I heard somewhere that people can feel when eyes are on them without looking or in their sleep. He looks as if he stayed up all night. When he looks at me a wave of sadness washes over me. He stares into my eyes. I stare back. I think I see tears inhis eyes. Sadness and pity fill his eyes. But deep down I see something I didn't expect. Anger and is that regret? Guilt. Thats it. He looks like he blames himself. I turn away and look down. I stare right through Allysons leg. Through the seat. Through everything. I just think. Its not his fault. Tell him. Its not his fault. You did this. You made him upset.
Shutup. I argue with myself. Its as if there are two people inside my head.
Tell him. Its not his fault. You can't make him feel guilty for your actions.
Oh please. Why do you care what he feels. Hes just a guy your living with. Soon they will be done with you. Just like everybody else. Saviour the moments you had cause Nobody wants you.
You are worth more. You are worth so much. But you have to apologize to him. You will never forgive yourself if you dont.
"Hey Scarlet. We are here."
Allyson shakes me from my trance. Looking around bewildered I finally make eye contact with her.
"Come on. Everyone is inside."
I get out of the truck and follow her inside. All through Sunday School I just thought to myself. The bell rang and I found myself walking down the hallway. I dont remember getting up but I did. I steal a glance at Austin. He is smiling but the sadness is still there. It makes him look older. Lucas is laughing around with him to his right and Eden to his left. Eden crouches in and says something sending Lucas and him into hysteria.
Lucas looks up and sees me.
He speeds up so that way hes walking side by side with me.
"Hey Scarlet what's up? Your real good at Basketball. You made lots of 3 pointers Wednesday."
"Thanks."
"So what's up?"
"Nothing."
He looks at me and walks off. We all take a seat in the Sanctuary. I sit near the back. So do a lot of other kids.
I stare blankly at the wall.
Listen to him. Focus.
Oh please. Who cares. Just keep staring at the wall. Its a nice wall.
"Do you ever hear a little voice inside your head? Telling you to do the right thing. And when you do something wrong it tells you. No man. You shouldn't do that."
I perk up at this and listen. I've been to a few churches. But I never listened. I didn't care.
Why should you? This God caused you so much pain. Drugs take it away.
"This is the holy spirit," the preacher continues on, "once you become saved the holy spirit consumes you. Makes you better. It is the reward God gave us the holy spirit when Jesus died on the cross for our sins."
He looks at me. Than he continues looking at other people.
"Some people live on with out knowing the holy spirit. Some know it they just dont accept it. They rather listen to the loud voice in their head. The one that speaks for the flesh. You see its our Earthly minds and flesh that want us to sin and do evil things. The flesh causes people to lust. Guys can make up excuses and say 'well if them girls didn't dress like that I wouldnt lust over them.' and yes I believe that no woman should walk around in them tiny shorts, not shall men. But you can't blame them for your sin. People do things of the flesh often and they dont realize it. Thats where the holy spirit comes in and tells us what is right. It is the new and improved conscience of the Christian."
He continues after about ten more minutes we all sing a song, an invitation song is what he called it. He kept yelling that He is here for you all you have to do is ask for forgiveness.
Go. Go up there.
No. Nobody else is going up there. Its probably for something you dont know about or for certain people.
"Anybody and everybody come up here. Listen to that little voice. Its the Holy Spirit guiding you."
Soon we get done with the service and everyone walks outside. All the youth run over to the soccer field or basketball hoop. A few even play volleyball. I spot Allyson Lucas Eden and Austin playing basketball so I make my way over to the hoop. Eden is dribbling. He's about as tall as me. So I come up with out him noticing and steal the ball. Everyone else laughs except Eden who stands in shock.
"Come on boy. Want your ball back come and get it."
I beckon for him to come and get it. He laughs.
"When your ready come and get it. Nananana. Nananana."
I begin to sing and he laughs even more so do the others and they all come after the ball. I fake a left take a right and do a lay up. Austin then jumps and takes the ball. And throws it back to me.
I get ready for another shot. But this time Allyson charges instead of guarding and sweeps the ball right from me. I laugh and pursue after her.
We keep going back and forth and nobody keeps score. We never do. We just try to make the most epic shot.
Soon we all part our separate ways. Even Allyson goes to her home. We all plan to meet back right before six, cause church will start back at six. After the excitement of the game wears off the arguments return in my head.