Help Me God

Wakey Wakey

"Scar? Scarlet? Scarlet! Wake up!"
A loud voice fills my ears sending shocks of pain through my head. Somebody supports my head. Forcefully I open my eyes. The bright light makes my eyes beg to be closed again but I continue forcing them open. Each minute drags by slowly. The voice returns and this time I recognize it.
Austins voice returns accompanied with Lucas and Eden.
"Scar? Are you ok?"
Lucas speaks before Austin finishes, "Scarlet are you ok? What happened?"
Den ask the same question, "are you ok Scarlet?"
Why do they all care if your ok?
They care about you.
They care? Why do they care. Can't they tell I was tripping? They shouldn't care. They should be mad. They shouldn't be asking if im ok, they should be screaming and shouting at me. Why arent they mad?
"Yea im fine."
I decide to leave it at that.
Hesitantly they all mumble an ok. None of them look pleased, not that Eden ever looks mad, but he don't look happy. Even during the fight Eden wasnt mad. He just seemed like he realized his friend got in a fight and he needed to stop it. He didn't seem mad at anybody. I wonder how you can stay calm during a time like that. I was mad and fearful.
Austin seems disappointed, whether its at me or himself, though, I can't tell.
Lucas, though, I can't tell what he is. I can't tell if he is mad, frustrated, happy, sad, or anything.
They all help me up and the rest of the day is kind of a blur. I think I ate something, and Mr. and Mrs.Dodger came in. I fell asleep a lot.
After dinner Austin comes into the room. "Hey what happened?"
Without any thought or impulse I hiss at him, "What do you care?"
Immediately I see pain and anger flash across his face. "Scar, I'm your big brother, I care I always have and always will. And dont ever question that."
"Uh huh, I bet you just lay awake at night worrying your precious head about my state of being."
Pain splatters his face, pure and true pain. He looks utterly hurt by my comment. But I see anger in his eyes as well. "Scar!"
"Austin!" I shout back at him.
"Why would you go and say a thing like that? You know I care! If i didn't why would I ask you how you feel? Why would I even bother with you if I didn't? If you don't think I care that is your problem. Just... Just dont go doing anything stupid and idiotic like that again!"
With that he gets up and leaves the room. When he steps over the threshold Lucas walks past him. He looks at him then questionably looks back at me. "What happened?"
"An Argument." He probably wanted a better answer than that but still I am not in the mood to give one. Now that my head is clear and just a head ache lingers around.
"Ok, well how are you feeling?"
He ain't mad either. I already know Eden wont be either. Man does anything anger him? Lucas sits at the foot of my bed. "I'm fine." I look down at his empty hands. They look soft, but they're callused over. How I wish he would wrap his soft warm hand around my shoulders. I wish I could just melt against him. A sinking feeling settles in my stomach.
You will never have him. You're a mess. He could do so much better, just look at him the only reason he knows you exist is because of Austin.
A bitter taste feels my mouth. Tears choke me but I refuse to let them fall. I decide to start a conversation. "So uh how about this half a week off school?" They let us out of school for the week cause teachers meetings today and tomorrow. Four day weekend they said.
"Oh its great." He replies thoughtfully. What is he thinking about. There is more he wants to say i know it. I should probably ask but no instead I ask a different question.
"So uh how long are you and Eden staying?"
"Til Sunday, we'll go to church then to our homes on Sunday."
So two more days with them. Maybe tomorrow we could all do something together. Maybe Allyson could come over, who knows.
He looks like he has something to say. What is it?
"You ok Lucas?"
"Oh yea," his head snaps back up like he was far off in another universe, "Im fine. Whatbout you?"
He makes what about all one word. "You all have the weirdest voices. Why do you all make up words?"
"What do ya mean?" All his words are smashed together
"See like that!" I throw my hands out dramatically as if there was something actually there.
"What?"
"You all say your words fast and mixed up and then you add a yall or howdy or ya in it. But its not the fake ones like Turtle man either. Its not over the top."
"How did ya think we spoke? You think we spoke like Yankees? And there ain't really that big of an accent is there?"
"Oh you all sure have an accent trust me."
He chuckles to himself. Which makes me smile. We sit and talk he ask how the 'big cities' were and i explained to him some. After that I had questions of my own.
"So wait, I have a question."
"Lets hear it."
"Ok, so what is 'muddin'?"
"Oh muddin is where you just ride a four wheeler out in mud basically. And before you ask, no not all girls wear daisy dukes and have tans. Im pretty sure you already know that."
"Yea. So do you hunt?"
"Yup. Have you ever been?"
"No, only guns give used arent for hunting."
"Yea I bet. Well the Dodgers will change that quick. Deer season is just around the corner and I bet they take you on the trip."
"What trip?"
"Oh every Spring and Fall they take kids out to go hunting, the whole ministry does. They'll get you ready dont you worry you'll be out shootin a gun pretty soon."
I laugh. Then we look over at the time. 9:37.
"Well i better head to bed, G'night Scarlet."
"Night Lucas."
He shuts off the lights and closes the door as he walks out.