folklore; conrad fisher

15: bleeding

It was a somber night in the Summer house. Each of the families wept together, the Conklin's in Belly's room, and the Fisher's on the couch. I laid alone in my bed, recounting the events since Conrad's confession. I finally allowed myself to cry about it. I sobbed for hours thinking about Susannah. There was no one on Earth like her. Nobody had her light. Susannah was Summer.

I was drying tears when Laurel called us down for dinner. When I walked out of my room Steven rushed to give me a hug, Belly joining him. I embraced them both with all of the strength left in me. These were my people.

We feasted on leftover garlic bread, frozen pizza, and Chinese takeout. Belly helped herself to a tub of vanilla-bean ice cream. Susannah had decided to go through with the chemotherapy trials, which brought everyone into higher spirits. We all knew if anyone could get through this, it would be her. We joked around the table, having another perfect family dinner that reminded me of what I missed most from this place.

Everyone went back to their rooms after dinner, but I was desperate for some fresh air. Overwhelmed by the past couple of days, I exited through the front door and sat underneath the porch light, letting the fluorescence illuminate me as moths whirled around the lightbulb. I wrapped my arms around my knees and stared aimlessly towards the road.

The door opened, and I thought it would be one of the moms telling me to go to bed, but instead, it was Conrad.

He bent down underneath the light, his face in front of me.

"Hey." He said.

"Hi."

"I still don't want to talk. I'm sure you feel the same. It's been a long enough day."

He continued, putting a hand on my knee, "I just came to say thanks."

"For what?"

"For not telling anyone my secret."

"Of course." I replied.

"Right." He said, and without another word, he was back inside of the house. I allowed myself a few more minutes of alone time before I went in as well.

I barely slept that night, with so many thoughts running around my mind. I couldn't believe that in a week from then I'd be back at home, and who knew when I'd be here again. If I'd ever be back.

It was around afternoon when I woke up. The house was eerily quiet. Jeremiah and Belly had gone down to the beach, according to Laurel who was up doing last night's dishes. I felt bad watching her do chores after all of the emotional turmoil. I couldn't imagine losing my best friend. If I were in her place, and it was Steven... I couldn't even think about it.

I decided to volunteer myself to help out around the house. Laurel seemed pleased, saying she needed someone to do groceries, as we'd eaten all of the leftovers last night. She tossed me the keys and I headed out to the stores.

I parked Laurel's car outside of the supermarket, grabbing a couple reusable bags from her trunk and heading towards the entrance to pick up a shopping cart. I walked around the store imagining what it must be like to shop here as a local. I dreamed of having my own life here, getting food for my beautiful Summer house, at the store I went to every week. This life was my ritual, this shopping my routine.

My daydreams were interrupted when I saw the back of Conrad's head in front of the vegetables. He turned around, and I was excited to face him, except it wasn't Conrad. As I continued down the aisles, it seemed every shadow in the store belonged to him. I couldn't escape Conrad. He was everywhere.

I realized I hadn't apologized to him. After all of this time, maybe that was what he'd been waiting for. It was what he deserved, anyway.

I ran through Laurel's grocery list, quickly, getting out of the store as fast as I could. I loaded up the car and sped towards the home. When I arrived, I weakly grabbed all of the heavy bags with one hand and dragged them into the house. I set them down on the kitchen counter, where Laurel thanked me.