folklore; conrad fisher

21: decisions, decisions

A month passed and Conrad hadn't called me again. Not to mention, Amanda also stopped speaking to me after the failed sleepover. Susannah wasn't doing great either, according to a call from Belly, who was having relationship trouble with Jeremiah. Everything was going downhill in my life, and I had no energy to stop it.

So, on December 11th when Cole Quintero asked me to be his girlfriend, I said yes.

It was a spur of the moment decision; the kind of 'yes' that slips out of your mouth, naturally, that's too late to take back the second it's heard. So, there I was, Golden-Boy Cole's newest girlfriend.

It's not like Conrad had much of an influence on my life anymore, anyway.

The nail in the coffin came the following day: Ivy Day. Any hope of a future with Conrad went down the drain when I saw the words 'Deferred' on my email from Brown University.

Anyone knows a deferral is just a rejection waiting to happen. I slammed my laptop shut and buried my face in my hands. I was with Cole when I got the email. He tried cheering me up with the same rhetoric anyone with a deferral gets: 'it's not a no!'

But I didn't need to hear from him, and I especially didn't need to hear from Steven, who was gloating about his acceptance into Princeton. I lied to him and told him I'd been deferred there instead. He grimaced at me, also aware of the fact that it meant my chances of getting into the school were slim to none. He said he'd drop out and go anywhere I'd go, but I insisted he didn't. I obviously knew he didn't mean that. Steven had wanted to go to Princeton forever. I didn't need the pity gesture.

I wanted more than anything to talk to Conrad that day, but how much better would that make me feel? After all, he got into Brown, and I didn't. It made me feel small and stupid to know he beat me at that.

Winter Break was long and dull. I was saved from spending much of it with Cole, who was on a trip with his family for the majority of the two weeks. Leo stayed with us for Christmas and New Years, which was nice. I called Steven at 9 P.M my time to celebrate the New Year with him, but when midnight rolled around in California, everyone in the house had already fallen asleep. So, I stayed up and watched a rerecording of the ball drop on the news, before passing out on the couch.

By the time break had ended I'd finally finished all of my college applications. My UC ones were submitted a couple of weeks prior, so the last week of break I got to perfect my UPenn and Princeton applications, along with a couple of state schools in Southern California.

I thought about Brown. How different would my life have been if I'd gotten in?

---

I spent the fleeting moments of Winter surfing nearly every day to practice for the championships in March. The month came upon us quickly, and so did the change of seasons. In California, there isn't really a direct transition from our Winter to Spring. It just goes from being mildly cool to scorching hot out of nowhere around February or March, and it stays that way until Summer ends.

Cole and I had been going steady for a couple of months now. We'd even started having sex. I couldn't tell how much I enjoyed it at the moment, but I didn't hate it the way I did with Chris. It was worth keeping Cole around, anyway. I was growing to really appreciate his company.

Calls from the Conklins became more and more infrequent, but they rarely came with good news after Steven's commitment to Princeton. Apparently, Laurel was never around, due to her tending after Susannah and Jeremiah. To make matters worse, Belly and Jeremiah's relationship was getting quite shaky.