folklore; conrad fisher

22: a family reunion

None of it felt real until I'd finally landed in Massachusetts. It was a chaotic ordeal that unfolded in the way I least expected. After Steven had called me, I didn't break down in tears, or scream, or have any extreme reaction. I simply sat there, quietly, staring off at nothing. My brain felt like T.V. static. Steven asked if I was okay, but I said I just needed to process things. I gave him my best wishes, and told him to pass them along to Laurel and Belly. After he hung up, I couldn't move. I was still and contemplative. I knew this was coming, but I didn't know it would happen like that. To be honest, I wasn't sure if I was ever ready for it to happen at all.

But it was happening. No––it happened. Susannah was dead. When it hit me, I felt it all at once, like a punch right in the gut. I yelped and cried and wailed so hard, like every ounce of pain was trying to escape from my body in whatever form it could. My mom and grandparents rushed to help me, asking me what was wrong, but I couldn't say anything other than 'Susannah, Susannah.' My mom knew the situation, and quickly put two and two together. She crouched down and embraced me, allowing me to cry into her shoulder. There was snot and tears shooting out of my face, and they wouldn't stop. It couldn't be. Susannah couldn't be dead. She was the light in this world. She was the magic.

I didn't go to prom, and I knew Cole resented me for it. I called to give him the reason, but he couldn't understand why I was so upset. He argued that she wasn't family, which only made me more angry. When he heard me begin to cry again, he stopped pestering me. He said he was sorry, and that he'd miss me that night. I didn't care. What importance did prom have anymore? What importance did anything have?

Cole asked to come over after the dance to make sure I was okay, but I didn't let him. There was no one I wanted to see, except one person. I rang Steven that night. No words were said, we just had each other on the line, and we fell asleep on the phone. At that moment, I knew he was the only one who understood me.

I got a letter in the mail a couple of days after. It was from Pennsylvania. I opened it to find a card from Laurel, containing five hundred dollars. She wrote that Susannah put money aside for me to attend her funeral. I turned away as I read the words. It was such a grim thought to know that Susannah was planning for me to come visit after she'd died, to see her coffin buried underground.

There was nothing I wanted less than to go to that funeral. I couldn't bear to think of accepting a reality where Susannah was gone, and doing it while facing Conrad again. Yet, if Susannah had gone out of her way to think of me and send me that money, there was absolutely no chance that I was missing the funeral. I booked my ticket using my mom's credit card that night, handing her the cash in return. It came out to be a little over five hundred for such a last minute flight, but my mom let it slide. She knew how important it was that I went.

The Conklin's were there to pick me up from the airport when I landed. I put a duffle bag into the trunk and then went to hug each member of the family. Normally our reunions were so exciting and full of joy, but nobody could really crack a smile at that point. Laurel looked the worst. Her eyes were drained and her skin was brittle. This couldn't have been the same woman who drove me to school while shouting out the lyrics to 'Red' by Taylor Swift. It was an entirely different version of her.

We'd be staying with the Fisher's that weekend. Belly and I didn't complain, because the awkwardness of it all was the least of our issues. Conrad would take the train later that evening and was supposed to arrive late at night. When we got there, Steven and I gave Jeremiah a short hug. Belly walked right past him, and up the stairs to the guest room. She'd be sharing it with Laurel, and Steven and I would take the couch. Jeremiah went straight to his room, unwilling to socialize. Nobody would blame him.