Luke

Chapter 27

Home. I had never been so excited to say that word or even be at that place. I quickly took out my keys and hastily opened the door, allowing the screen to slam behind me as I charged into my bedroom and closed the door behind me. And then I just collapsed. I slid to the floor, my breathing heavy and unsteady, my face buried into my hands. Why was I so stupid? What was wrong with me? She was my fucking girlfriend and I loved her, so why couldn't I just be a normal guy and muster up some courage to sleep with her regularly? I mean, I did love her, didn't I? I didn't even know anymore. I've apparently been dating her for 3-almost 4-years now, so there couldn't be that big of a problem. But all the relationships I've seen looked a lot happier than ours. And I didn't think sex was supposed to be that upsetting. Guys-normal guys-like to have sex. Hell, they'd kill to have as much sex as I did. So why was I being such a bitch about it?

I got up and went to my bed, seeing Mom still lying on the corner. I picked up the frame and opened my side dresser, placing her carefully in the drawer and taking out a cigarette from my pocket. Sitting down on the bed, I lit it and let the smoke fill my lungs and the air. I kept seeing and feeling Brielle on top of me and I took another deep drag to erase her from my mind. The feeling it gave me-the feeling she gave me-it made me feel so sick. I lied down, staring at the passing clouds through the tiny window. It was cold in my room, and it was getting more freezing by the minute. But I couldn't muster up the energy to turn on the heater in the corner or do anything about it.

I finished my cigarette and tossed it into the ashtray, rolling over onto my side and closing my eyes. Sleep. It's all I needed, it's all I wanted.

So I tried to fall asleep. I was exhausted, but for some reason I just stayed awake. When I was just about ready to fall asleep, I would remember Brielle. I hated it. It made me feel sick. After the fifth time Brielle tormented me, I rolled over and opened up the drawer to grab my pill bottle and I downed two. Maybe that would help. It didn't, though. The feeling in my stomach was just overwhelming. Sometimes it went straight to my head and I thought I would pass out. It just ended up with me getting angry at myself.

I eventually looked at the clock next to my bed. It was around 5am. I had to be to school in 2 hours. Fuck, I didn't want to go to school. I probably wasn't going to. I'd rather stay in bed and sleep my life away or maybe take a walk to the garden than school. At school I had to see Brielle, and that was the last thing I wanted to do.

I eventually did fall asleep, but it was messy. It was light sleep with a shit-ton of tossing and turning. By 8am I had only gotten two hours of sleep. I wanted to sleep forever, I just didn't know how that would be possible.

There was a knock on my door. "You're late for school," I heard Sam say from the other side.

I curled up into a ball on my bed and buried my face into my pillow. I didn't want to deal with Sam. Not right now.

He knocked again. "Luke, get up." After I didn't reply, he came into the room. "Luke, c'mon. You're gonna flunk out."

"I don't care," I moaned. "Get out."

"Luke, you already had to stay back a year."

"I don't care. I just won't finish high school."

Sam sighed angrily. "Your room is a disaster."

"Is that your business?"

"So you're not going to school?"

"No."

There was a silence and then I felt Sam's hand on my forehead. "You're burning up. Are you sick?"

"I don't know, I don't care."