Beating scars, Relapse hearts [Malum af]

Chapter 16: Yeah we all suck balls on drums

I have no clue how long this fanfic's going to be btw.
~~~

Ring Ring.
"Hello?"
"Ash? Hi, it's Michael."
"I thought I told you not to call me," Ashton laughed and Michael clutched his phone tighter so that the tips of his fingers turned white.
"Desperate times," He shrugged, peering up at Calum. They were both sat cross legged on his bed facing each other.
"So what's going on?"
"Well," Michael started "Were you bullshitting when you said you could play the drums?" He heard Ashton laugh before he responded.
"Strangely enough, no," Michael let out a deep breath "I'm guessing that's a good thing?"
"Possibly. Are you still in that goldfish band?"
"Swallow The Goldfish?" Ashton questioned "No, the band broke up."
"Oh, sorry man," Michael said
"Don't be, it's not your fault," Calum harshly kicked Michael's knee in an attempt to remind him of why he was ringing in the first place.
"Okay, Luke, Cal and I made a band and that band goes by 5 Seconds of Summer."
"Okay?"
"And we have a gig booked for the 12th next month."
"Let me guess - you need a drummer?"
"Yeah we all suck balls on drums."
"What songs do you play?"
"Covers mostly," Michael said, he looked up at Calum who gestured for him to continue "Teenage Dirtbag, I miss you, a couple of originals too."
"Sounds good. When do you guys usually practice?"

"Umm," Michael moved the phone away from his ear and covered it with his hand whilst he hurriedly whispered to Calum "He wants to know when we practice."
"Just tell him Saturday's," Calum whispered back and grabbed Michael's wrist, forcefully placing the phone back against his ear.
"On Saturdays," Michael said.
"Cool, I'll drop by this weekend then?"
"Yeah, sounds good."

"See you, Mikey," Ashton chimed and for once Michael didn't shudder at the nickname. He hung up the phone and looked up at Calum, who was looking at him intently.
"Well?"
"What?" Michael said "Oh, he's coming round Saturday."
"Alright, I'll tell Lucas," Calum said, taking his phone out of his pocket and presumably texting the boy. "This is good, Mike," Calum said, tearing his eyes away from his phone and smiling up at him "This is really fucking good." Michael couldn't help but retaliate the smile and shove Calum's shoulder before laying down on his bed, eyes fixed on the ceiling, dorky smile etched across his face.

Calum joined him after a minute. His phone was buzzing but it was long forgotten. Calum turned on his side and propped his head up with his elbow. He wanted to fill Michael's ear drums with praises and tell his just how fucking happy he was right now. He wanted to hug him and kiss him and scream until all of the air in his lungs was used up. He vouched to instead grab Michael's hand and intertwine their fingers. The action alone caused Michael to turn his head and smile up at Calum. "It's a good day, Cal," Michael whispered, dropping his hand from Calum's grip and resting it on the boys cheek instead. "It's always a good day when you're here," He said, dropping his hand from Calum's cheek but having it snatched up and returned a second later.

Michael never considered himself a sufferer of basorexia until that moment. He wanted so dearly to lift his head from his duvet and feel Calum's soft, plump lips pressed against his, and he probably would have if it wasn't for his mother slamming the door open. "Did you take your pill this morning, Michael?" She asked, completely blanking Calum. She always did. Michael sighed and dropped his hand from Calum's cheek.
"Yes I did," He mumbled, sitting up on his bed "Do you not trust me now?"
His mum shook her head in disbelief before holding up a sealed orange container filled with pills. "Oh really? Because this is the new batch from last week and it's not been opened," She said, placing the bottle on Michael's dresser and folding her arms. Michael looked at it as his mum started ranting "You need to take them, Michael, I know they're not pleasant but they're expensive and I can't deal with you having another episode right now-"
"Oh you know they're not pleasant?" Michael lowly said, forcing his attention away from the pills to his mums face. Her mouth was still open like she was about to carry on her sentence before Michael oh so rudely interrupted her.
"You know what I mean-"
"No I fucking don't," Michael shouted. He watched his mum flinch at the tone of his voice "They make me feel like shit, mum! I don't even need them! They make me feel confused and I can't think straight when I'm on them!" He didn't want to yell, he really didn't, but it all started flooding out. The banks in his brain has burst. "It must suck having such a problem child, right? And I'm so awfully sorry that you have to spend all this money on therapy and shit but honestly mum, I'm better off without it."

Although he would never admit it, there were tears squeezing their way out of Michael's tear ducts and Calum gently stroking his back was not helping contain them. "If Daryl was here he'd-"
"He'd what mum? What would dad do?" Michael snapped as he started to taste salt in his mouth.
"He'd know what to say," His mum whispered. She dropped her head in defeat and said in a gentle voice "Please just take your pills." Before closing the door behind her.

Michael wished he didn't snap. He wished he could for once have a normal conversation with his mother about something that wasn't to do with his mental health. He hated how easily he could get angry and how everyone was treading on egg shells around him, and he knew that his mum was only like this because she loved him. But it didn't change anything. Michael couldn't control his fits of rage.
"It's not your fault," Calum mumbled. He was sat behind Michael now, Michael didn't even notice. His head was bent forward and was residing on the base of Michael's neck.
"Yes it was."
"Michael," Calum breathed out "You did nothing wrong."
"Why can't I be normal, Cal?" Michael whispered, dropping his head and covering his face with his hands. Calum wrapped his arms around Michael's torso, holding him as tightly as he possibly could.
"Fuck normal," He said "You're Michael Clifford, you're too punk rock for that shit."

Michael couldn't hold back his laughter as he sniffed and wiped his eyes. He looked up and spotted the pills straight away. The sickly, translucent orange container annoyed him to no end. The stupid blue pills inside made him want to throw up. He didn't even know why he needed them. Doctor Green said that they'd improve his mood, but it was pretty obvious she'd never had to consume one in her life. They didn't make Michael feel happy, simply more productive. When he had remembered to take one before going to bed at night, he woke up feeling slightly more equipped to get up and dressed than when he did not. On those days he'd not feel the need to get up at all. Even if he had college.

He stood up after a few minutes of narrowing his eyes at the container and dragged his sock cladded feet over to them. He could practically feel the proud rays emanating from Calum in the atmosphere when he cracked the tub open and shook two of the pale blue shapes onto his palm. He always dry swallowed his pills, even though each time he knew he'd get the awful sensation of them being stuck in his throat until he had a drink.

Michael use to think that he and Calum were just friends because they'd known each other for so long, 9 years in fact, but he now knew it was because Calum always knew how to make Michael feel better, and vise versa. So when Michael swallowed his pills and turned around, he couldn't help but smile as Calum held out an Xbox controller to him. He knew he just really fucking loved Calum Hood.

~~~
When will Malum happen? Idk. Will it happen? Yes, yes it will.