StepBrothers -Ianthony ~ (BoyXBoy) ~

Chapter 46

Ian's POV

The one brightness in my eyes was now gone. My eyes were dull, emotionless. I had nothing left in my heart, just one memory, took away all of my smiles and laughs.

I'm back to my old self, Anthony couldn't help me now. My mind has been set on the lowest bar possible, I tried getting away from Pj, he found me. My parents are gone, Anthony isn't himself anymore and then there's me.

So many flaws to name out with me. I've never been the popular kid you would die to hang out with or would love to date. I was the kid who you would grimace at or you would squint and make dirty looks.

I was that one kid who you would have nothing to do with or you would groan if we had a project together. I was the kid that no one liked. This is why sometimes I think Anthony lies to me.

You don't just go gay for someone like me, I've been thinking a lot. I keep feeling like he's been put up to this or it's like a big double dog dare.

He always did have a look in his eyes, it was always different every time I looked at it. It was sometimes anger or sadness.. or happiness. I never could tell which was which.

His brown eyes would get dark when he was mad, dull when he was sad or just a Carmel brown when he was happy.

But I won't get into all of his emotions, that would take too long. At the moment I was still being quiet, talking to myself.

I feel so stupid to think I could get away from those stupid memories. I should've known they would be back. I can't escape them now, Anthony can try and get me help. It's not going to help, nobody understands what I went through in the hell hole.

If you really looked into my eyes, you would see the pure pain and torture I went through. Nobody, truly sees my pain. I have so much horrible nightmares behind my smiles.

Nobody knows, nobody should know, nobody will know. Nobody will ever know. The only person who knows the pain I went through, is the nightmare itself. He knows exactly what I went through and all he could do was smile and laugh at my pain.

He would only give me water or some one week old leftovers from his dinner. He would whip me, cut me with the sharpest knives and he would beat me. Then the worst part is that he would take those knives, burn them  and carve different things into my skin.

It was the most painful thing you could ever feel. It felt as if your bones were being twisted in different directions but they weren't breaking, but you felt just as equal pain.

I have leftover scars, but those are on my lower back and that's why I'm not one bit close to being ready.

I don't want anyone seeing what he had done to my body. I still have the scars from the cuts he carved Into my body. But those are faded.

I hate to think of those times, it always brought me down. The fact he ruined my body, causing me to feel self conscious most of my life.

I had nightmares for half my lifetime because of him, my mom tried helping me but of course that did nothing. I had cleared up part of my depression, but it was still in my heart. Now, that part has been brought out.

My heart is halfway black, halfway still burning bright red. If someone was to turn that back to bright and shining, they would have the key to my heart.

I don't know who it could be, it could probably be anyone. But my whole brain is going to have to process my emotions after some time.

I need to fix this, but you don't understand how hard it is. It's like my brain shut down all of my emotions and nerves.

It feels like all my feelings are gone, if I was hit, I would barely care. All because my emotions are completely turned off, they just won't turn on.

I have to change this, I know therapy won't help. Whatsoever, I need to be fought for, I need true love, someone who would comfort me when I was sad or take me on random, hilarious dates.

I want someone who won't hurt me, someone who won't torture me for fun. I need someone, who will love me, for me. But I know I'll really have to find that someone, and it won't be easy.

Some people where masks to hide their evilness. They put on a sweet and loving smile, but when your alone, your a goner. I have to find someone, someone to be my one true love.