Making It In America (Sequel to Mindless At First Love)

Suicide Run

Claire: *comes running* where is she! 

Vicky: *crying* she’s in there, I can hear water running..

Claire: *banging on the door* TAMARA! TAMARA COME OUT OF THAT BATHROOM!   

*there was no answer but then Claire heard the water running*

Claire: TAMARA GET OUT OF THERE RIGHT NOW, I MAY BE PRGNANT BUT I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL BUST THIS DOOR DOWN RIGHT NOW! *Banging on the door*

Vicky: TAMARA PLEASE COME OUT! CLAIRE DIDN’T MEAN IT, DON’T DO THIS!! *Tapping the door*

*meanwhile………*

Tamara’s POV: everything I do, everything I say it always turns for the worse. So why should I be here? I mean sure they sound like they will miss me but give it a month and I will be forgotten I’m not important, I’m so ugly not even Princeton from mindless behavior wanted me! And I bet Devon only pretended to like me so he could get some. 

All these bad and horrible thoughts spun around in my mind, hitting my brain with a big thump, I was stressing my head so much right now I was giving myself a migraine my head felt like I was being hit in the head with a hammer, my vision blurred and the room was spinning, I gripped my head tight which seemed to make it even worse! I was feeling really dizzy and sick next thing I knew I climbed out the bath and was being sick.

I threw up twice then I sat on the floor leaning my back against the bath. I sat there still feeling really dizzy, with my head in throbbing pain as Vicky and Claire banging harder on the bathroom door. I was going to open the door but I wasn’t ready to face them yet so I sat there and I rethought everything that had happened in my life so far which was a bad thing because I was getting more stressed and my migraine was worse.

I was crying hysterically with my head in my knees, how did it go so wrong…what did I do…there wasn’t one good thing I could think about. Suicide seemed the best way think about it no more depression no more hurt, no more disappointment, no more pain, no more suffering…

I managed to get to my feet, I walked over to the cupboard and grabbed a razor before I dropped to my feet again, my legs felt like jelly, I turned my head to the left and I was a blade of broken glass in the corner, that must have been from when me and vicky accidentally broke that mirror last week I picked it up and looked at both the blade in one hand and the razor in the other hesitating whether I should cut or just die altogether…………

I was crying so much right now my face was bright red and my head felt like it was going to burst, even though my vision was blurred both with tears and a migraine, I used the razor then the blade, I cried in pain but kept on going, it was like at one point I felt nothing but then all of a sudden felt it badly but either way it was like I couldn’t stop. 

All different things were running around in my head like; I was a bad friend, I had hurt vicky, I pushed my brother away, I don’t deserve to be in my niece/nephew’s life, Claire doesn’t want me around, I cause stress and trouble, I’m unwanted, Princeton hates me, I deserved it when he hit me, I am useless, worthless, I was thinking about what my parents did to me, they should have killed me, that I deserved every hit, every punch, every hit, I deserved it when my mom stabbed me in my side, I deserve all the scars…………..

I had all of this buzzing around n my mind for about 8 minutes, when I looked at my arms they were bleeding badly this is when I really felt the pain I started screaming because it hurt so much. I climbed into the bath turning on the water and washing the blood away while biting my lip and squealing in pain my skin was pale and my hands were trembling. I felt like being sick when I noticed the bIeeding had now stopped but I was now sitting in my own little pool of blood………………..

I climbed out and took the plug out before going over to the first aid kit and bandaged my arms up, then I changed my clothes and put on my sweats that I felt in the bathroom the other day..

My outfit: grey sweat pants, tank top, grey hoodie. 

I cleaned myself up, and sat on the bathroom floor not ever wanted to come out. I also noticed the banging had stopped I think they know I’m alive because my breathing is heavy from all the pain I was in. when all of a sudden my migraine? It was like it went away while I was cleaning my wound but then it came back all of a sudden! It felt like I was shot? Everything went black……………

……the next day…

I was awaken by the sunlight shining threw the window, I rubbed my eyes when I felt sharp pains coming from my arms when I remembered what I did last night……. I couldn’t use my arms because of all the damage I did to them. 

I wanted to get out of here but I didn’t wanna be near Claire since she hated me…I got to my feet going over to the cupboard I had to use my arms to open the cupboard doors and get out some medication. I took it and it almost like numbed the pain in my arms like I could move them a bit more without it hurting.

After that I walked over to the door and slowly opened it as quietly as I could then walked out to see Vicky and Claire sleeping outside I looked at them with sad eyes before going into my bedroom grabbing my racksack and  a packed some clothes, money, my one pair of Jordan’s and I put a snapback on my head and closed the racksack before putting it over my back and putting my hood up I quietly went into Vicky’s room and wrote a note because the pain in my arms came back. I put it under her pillow and with that I left the house……………. 

So there you have it I didn’t take my life, although I self harmed myself and as you can see I am leaving but this is because I don’t want to cause them anymore trouble they are better off without me. I have no idea where I am going or how long will be gone but I needed to leave, they can live happy without me you’ll here from me soon but I guess this is goodbye for now……….

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