My Life: Congrats, You Lost Me

Chapter 11 - Change

***July 26th***

"Jess, it's time to get up and moving, your therapy starts in an hour," Allan says through the door. "We can't be late, you get your prosthetic today, remember?" It was my first day of real therapy with the prosthetic I was fitted for not long ago. I can't wait to walk again.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm getting there, I'm getting there," I mumble, rolling onto the side of the bed and sitting up to face myself in the mirror. I grab my brush off the side table and tie my hair back from my face. It's going to be a long day, I can see it now. I pull open the dresser drawer and pull out my old sweatshirt. I slip it on and slide off the bed and into my chair before rolling out of the room, to find Allan leaned up against the wall. "You ready? Do you think we could stop to eat first?"

"I've been ready for a while, are you? And yes, we are going to stop at Waffle House, after all, it is right next door." He flashes a nervous smile and turns away, heading toward the door. It had been a week since things between Allan and I started to get a little awkward. We hadn't really talked much since that one night, and when we do, we could never quite find anything to say besides a few quick words. 

I follow him out the front door and he helps me into his Jeep before loading my chair into the backseat. "Just think, Jessie," Allan says as he climbs into the driver's seat. "Soon you won't need that dumb thing."

"I've been waiting forever, it'll feel great to really stand again. Let's hope nothing goes wrong this time and I'll actually make it through therapy without going back into the hospital." We both laugh lightly before the silence that had been peeking around us came in to make things bad again. The silence was so thick it could be cut with a knife, it was horrible. I would rather talk about anything else but no, we were sitting here like this. Well, I thought I could talk about anything else.

We were almost to Waffle House when Allan breaks the silence. "Jessie, we need to keep talking," he mumbles. "We need to let things go. We really do need to talk about what happened the other day. It's tearing us apart and we need to stay close."

I sigh and look up at his face as he's so focused on the road, not noticing as I study him. "I know, I know, things just went too far too fast and I just."

"Just, just what, Jessie? What's going on?"

"You remember what I said. Remember when I talked about those men from when I was younger. The ones who paid my mom to take advantage of me." I look away from his bright eyes and lock my eyes onto my little finger. "That's all I could think of and I was worried. I stopped you and I couldn't figure out how to explain what happened. I just couldn't, and I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize, I'm the one who should be sorry. I rushed into things I just thought... I just thought maybe it could happen." 

I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding as I mumble. "Well it didn't. And I don't even know if it ever can." He nods as we pull into the parking lot and he helps me out of the car and into my chair, obviously trying to be as far from me as possible. We go inside and take a seat in a booth in the far corner. Our waitress walks over to get us our drinks and once again, we are left in silence. Well, as silent as a busy restaurant can be.

****July 26th****

"Come on Jessie," my new therapist, Maddie, says encouragingly. "It's only your first day and you're doing great. Just one foot in front of the other." I had just got my prosthetic and they were trying to get me to walk down this path with bars on either side of me to keep me steady. I was halfway when I started to lose my balance and fell into one of the bars. Maddie hurries in front of me and helps me steady myself before walking back off the platform. "It's okay Jessie, you'll get better at it." I am almost at the end of the short platform when my new leg slips out from under me again and I topple into the rail, which was the only reason I wasn't face down on the wooden floor.