My Life: Congrats, You Lost Me

Chapter 32 - My Story

****September 18th****

As Ms. Song looks at me sadly, I nod and look down at my hands. "Well, the last time you saw me in person was the day I got into that fight and got kicked out of school. I had moved in with Allan and his mother, bringing Rebecca with me to keep her away from my mother.

"Not too much later I lost my jobs. All of them. And decided that I couldn't stay in that house anymore. I had to make money and help pay for things. So I ran away in the middle of the night I left a note next to Allan that said I had left and I would be coming back soon. I promised him that.

"After lots of bus rides I made it to a new city and I found a motel to stay in. After my first night I was able to successfully get two jobs. One was quite normal, I worked at a pet store. The other was something I'm not proud of. I'm not proud of it at all, but it was something I had been around for a long time and it got me good money, no matter how dirty the money was.

"I was a stripper. I danced for sleazy men in a club night after night. When I told you I had two jobs while I was here, I was lying. I had three, the third being that I was a bartender at a club on the weekends.

"While I did this I tried to imagine I was somebody different. I was the extra-confident, Roxy. And after about a month of this I decided it was time to go home. I had stopped receiving messages from Becca and Allan, although I had had only one conversation and it was with Becca, for I knew that if I had talked to either of them too early on I would hop right back on that bus and go home.

"Well, it was extremely stormy that day and the roads were beginning to flood. I had to get home though. I stood at the bus stop, waiting for the green machine to come down the road. When it finally came I climbed on and down the road we went.

"We ended up in an extreme accident. Several cars hit us and we ended up smashing a railing and falling off the side of a bridge and into the water," as I speak I have to relive the details of the memories, forcing myself to imagine the horror that went on in those few days.

"When the bus started to fall it was like it was in slow motion. I couldn't think. The bus was halfway underwater and people were frantic. Before my side of the bus went under I broke open my window. As I climbed out a shard of metal dug deep into my leg," I pat my thigh of my prosthetic. "That's how I lost it.

"It hurt like crazy, but I still managed to do some good," I look down at my hands. "I saved a little girl, no older than four years old." Ms. Song takes in a short breath and I can feel her eyes watching me as I move. "I had broken the window and there was a woman who was trying to get her scared daughter to safety. It was a hard thing to do because of the rushing water waving past.

"I helped her get her daughter out and the bus started to sink faster. I put the child on my back and fought against the current to get her to shore. I saw her mother get out of the bus before I started to swim. Once I was on shore I looked everywhere for the girls mother.

"Police officers helped us out of the mud and onto the road. Once we were out I frantically looked around but her mother hadn't made it. After a lot of time waiting, a woman, the girl's grandmother, had came and picked up the girl.

"Not long after Allan ended up coming to pick me up. I hadn't thought about my leg once until it was too late and it had been hours. He took me to the hospital and I woke up without a leg. I went through months of therapy to recover. Many times I thought I couldn't do it, but I did. It took a lot of hard work, but I did it.

"At the end of my therapy my mother was drunk and angry, she was going to come and try to 'get' Becca. Whatever she meant by that I didn't want to know. I armed myself with a knife and sent Becca and Allan away.

"Eliza went into another room with her phone ready. I hadn't gotten my prosthetic to take yet, so I was still in my wheelchair. Not long after my mom bangs on the door. Eventually I unlock it and she stumbles inside. She fought me and threw me to the ground, took my knife and stabbed me. I killed her. I took my knife and ran the knife clear from her elbow, down all the way to her palm. She bled out right there.

"I can still remember it so, so clearly. I'm a horrible person for it, but it happened, and I will not hide my past. I was taken to court and it was ruled as defense and some other things happened. After a few weeks I got my prosthetic to take away from therapy.

"I had to walk with canes for a long time. I told Allan what had happened when I had left and ran away-the whole story-for the first time. He hated me for it, but after a little while we made up. It took quite some convincing," I mumble at the last part before remembering that Ms. Song's hearing was going away. I repeat that part and then say, "I only tried that hard because I love him."

She takes a sharp breath and I look up at her. I only now realized the staggering amount of tears that I had streaming on my face. I quickly wipe them away and continue talking. "To celebrate everything good, mainly the fact that I could take my prosthetic home, Allan and I went to the lake. We got busted for being out too late and got grounded.

"Becca's birthday rolled around, I got her a clarinet and we celebrated that," I choke up a bit when I think of her. "Sorry," I mumble. "We celebrated and then I went to therapy. Again. My life practically revolved around it. I was to the point of giving up on it though. I felt like I had been lied to.

"You see amputees in books and movies. Their always right back up and moving within a couple weeks. I wanted to get my story out there. I'm writing my own book. It's about everything I've been through, from the very beginning. I'm still writing. This is going to be in it. This very conversation. Not a word will be missing. I can promise you that.

I pause for a moment and look up and Ms. Song. "You're so much braver than you were before," she says. "Keep telling your story. It's beautiful."

"Well, after I felt that way, everybody tried their best to make me feel better. I still walked with the canes, though-" I stop quickly and look down at my hands. "I've really wasted your time, I'm sure you have better things to do. I've wasted quite a while."

"Honey, all I've got to do is toss books on shelves and my work is done. Nobody comes around here anymore," she smiles softly and takes my hand. "Don't ever think you've wasted somebody's time with a story. After all, that's all we ever are, right? Just a bunch of stories people talk about. But only the best live on through time. Your's will be one that will be told, but it has to start with you."

I was at a loss for words as I looked up at her kind, wrinkled face. Her smile was still shining white and her eyes gleamed in the bright lights. I slowly opened up again, came out of my shell a little more, and continued my story. I talked for what felt like hours, but she was silent most of the time, letting me ramble on about everything that's happened since I've been gone.

I told her about Becca, and we both cried. We sat and cried for a good deal of time before I finished my story. I had told her about the knife, the closet, my wrist, my attempted suicide, and she just looked at me sadly, as though she was disappointed and wanted to help. "...and now I'm hear, telling it all to you. I didn't leave out a thing. I know-I'm sure, that you probably look at me a little differently now. I hadn't been able to come out to you like this before. Now why don't you tell me your story." 

Her eyes lit up and she smiled, pulling me into a tight embrace."Your story was beautiful, Jessie, but I'm going to warn you, mine ain't no fairy tale."