I've gotten used to seeing my reflection,
it doesn't mean I'm any happier.
I've just learned to ignore it,
to care a little less.
I'm only pretty some days,
and my perception is warped.
I don't think too much about my body, until I see myself after a shower.
It's more my brain I've grown concerned for.
Staring at myself is childish, I still do it, not as much, I don't dress up.
Baggy clothes and big shirts.
I can't tell if I'm skinny or fat, depends on how I feel.
I tell myself I need to gain weight, that I'm worried about myself, but it kind of makes me happy to see the numbers on the scale.
I don't even have the excuse of saying I don't eat on purpose,
I just forget or looking at food is repulsive.
I'm falling apart and my mind is no good.
I swear it's gotten better but then before I know it,
I'm all alone with no distractions and I break down.
All the things I forgot like a sudden thunderstorm,
the tears come out and wash it away.
The sun comes out and I am ok again.
I see your face and yet I am reminded,
but it still is easier when I can touch you.
It's hard when you don't help me feel better,
I do the best I can on my own it doesn't help when you push me the other way.
You don't mean to be mean but you are.
I am already mean enough to myself.
I feel like I am feeling less everyday.
I keep crying to tv shows,
it feels good I couldn't do that for a while.
Enjoying crying?
Weird.
It's a relief.
It's ok for a bit.
Til the cycle repeats and I'm all alone again.
Self sabotage, can't tell if I am sensitive or people are insensitive.
Me and me in the mirror and I hate that little girl.
