If Only...

Chapter 4

Cathy~

I had driven around to clear my mind before finally returing to my apartment. I felt sick and I had no idea why. I knew that therapy would be a bad idea. I walked into my apartment to the phone ringing. It was my dad.

"Hello" I said, trying to choke back a heavy sigh.

"Hey sweetheart. How did your session with Dr. Wilson go?" He asked, getting straight to the point. That was one of the things that I loved about my dad. He never was one to tip toe arounf whatever point that he wanted to make.

"It went alright, I guess. I left a little over halfway through. I couldn't take it anymore. Dad, I told you, I don't need a therapist. I'm dealing just fine. I just need a little bit longer to be fully over it. I know you're trying to do what is best for me, but I promise therapy is not the anwser. All right?" I asked. I hoped he wouldn't be too angry at me for walking out, since it was his money being used to pay the doctor.

"Maybe you should just go back a couple more times. You refuse to talk about it with anyone. I'm sick of hearing about what people thought you did. There is no way that my daughter would have willing done all of those things. I thought people were above gossiping in the church, but I guess I was wrong about that." He sounded disgusted, but that didn't surprise me. He always did when he talked about gossip.

"Dad, I hurt a lot of people. It doesn't really matter the reason that I did, I did. I apologized and I did my time for what I did. Some people will never understand the full story, I'm not even sure you know the full story-" He cut me off.

"Well i would know the full story if you would tell it to me." He said, sounding impatient. He has been trying to find out the full story since I was found. But, no one needs to know the full version. I can't retell it without completly falling apart.

"Dad, no one needs to know the full story. I... just can't tell you, or anyone for that matter. I'm sorry. The past is in the past and it needs to stay there." I head a sigh on the other end and I knew that he knew that I was at my breaking point. This topic had been driven into the ground so much that I couldn't take talking about it anymore.

"Okay pumpkin. But if you ever decide that you need to tell someone tell me, or even better tell Dr. Willson. I really think you need to go to a few more sessions. Will you do that? For me?" He pleaded. I hated when he played th guilt card. He did it whenever he wanted something from me, which was often.

"Two more sessions and that's it. And I'm not promisinf to stay for the entire time. I guarentee you will be wasting money on this, but who am I to say what you do with your money." I was growing more and more frustrated with this whole situation. I needed a long bubble bath and a good night's sleep before I would begin to feel normal again.

"Okay. Two sessions, that's all I'm asking of you. Hey, you never know, you might actually like talking to someone." Dad was not very subtle at dropping hints, but at the moment i was too tired to call him out on it.

"Okay, I need some sleep. I will talk to you later."

"Okay sweetheart. Get some rest. Love you." He said gently.

"You too dad." I hung up the phone and headed to my batheroom. After a nice long soak in the tub, I headed for bed.