If Only...

Chapter 6

Taylor (Dr. Wilson) POV~

2  Cor 12-9:10 And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. 10) Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong."

"When you find trials and tribulations that seem hard to overcome, keep in mind that Jesus has the power to make you strong. When you go to Him, He will lift you up. Do not be alarmed at the trails the world will throw at you and do not be afraid of weakness for weakness is a sign of strength."

 As I read through my daily devotions, I couldn't help but think of Cathy. She really needed this verse, but she  would never listen to me if I tried to explain this to her. She is a broken soul. So broken, in fact, that she doesn't even  realize the extent of damage in her heart. I wonder what happened to her in her time away. It must have been awful the things that she went through. But, I can feel that God placed me in her life for a reason. Now if only I knew what that reason was I would be good.

Today would be our third session together and I'm hoping it will be a good one. She needs this whether she realizes it or not. 

Right before I leave the house my phone rings.

"Hello?"

"Hi, is this a Dr. Wilson?" An unknown voice says.

"This is he."

"Hello my name is Maggie Faremont from the county hospital. We have a patient of yours. She came in late last night. It appears she tried to commit suicide. We contacted her family, but it was suggested that we also contact and notify you in hopes that you will speak to her." The voice answers. This wasn't the first time that I had gotten this call and I knew it wouldn't be the last, but these calls were still hard on me. But they are better than the morgue or police calling  I guess.

"Thank you for notifying me. Which patient is it and what kind of condition is she in?" I had my suspicions on who it would be, but I was not expecting the answer that I received.

"Catherine Renaldo. She is in stable condition, but is currently sleeping. If you would like to come and visit I'm sure it would be appreciated." The kind woman said over the phone.

"I will be right over. Thank you for the information. Goodbye." I clicked the end button as she was finishing up her goodbye. It was rude of me, but I had a patient that needed me.

I called Mary to ask her to cancel my morning appointments and to be ready to cancel my afternoon ones if need be. This was not the first time that something like this had happened, and I knew that my needier patients would have a hard time understanding, but the rest of my patients had no problem with it.

As I made my way to the hospital I started to pray; for Cathy, for her father, and for the healing process that had to begin within Cathy's life. This was going to be a long day.

Cathy POV~

I woke up in an unfamiliar room and my first thought was oh no, I survived. I thought my plan was foolproof. Since I lived alone I knew no one would come looking for me. And I knew the pill combination would be the right doses to kill me. I was tired of all the guilt and the shame. I thought that God would forgive me for what I had done, but there was no way that He would now. I am the lowest of the low. He wants the pretty and the good to be with Him in the end, and that is not me.

I looked around the room to find Dr. Wilson and my father talking near the door. Oh great, more people to witness my sin and shame.

My dad noticed that I was awake first and came over to kiss my forehead.

"Hey pumpkin. I love you." Tears were gathering in his eyes and I had to look away from him not to cry as well.

"I love you too daddy." I said, feeling the tears wash down my face. I have to live for him. I'm all he's got left. He needs me now more than I could ever know.

Dad pulls me into a gentle embrace and we stay that way for a while. Eventually he pulls back.

"I think that you and Dr. Wilson need to have a talk. I'm gonna go get some coffee. Alright?" He asks, his eyes still gleaming with tears.

"Okay"

Once dad left Dr. Wilson came and pulled up the bedside chair next to my bed.

"Hey" was all he said.

"You can save all your why did you do it doctory stuff for someone who needs it. I messed up. I know I shouldn't have done it, and I'm glad that whoever saved me did so. Okay? Lesson learned." I felt the tears falling and I turned my face away so he couldn't see them. He tugged gently on my chin and turned my head back around.  

"We both know that you really need someone to talk to about all of this. If meeting in my office is too uncomfortable for you, why don't we meet in a park or something. You need someone to help you get rid of all of this emotion healthily. Harming yourself is not the answer. We will get through this. You and me, alright?" He whispered.

"Okay."

"Okay, now why don't we go back through what was going through your mind when you decided to take the pills." He says, wrapping his hand over mine.

"I lost my job." He squeezed my hand.

"Did they say why?" He asked.

"Nope, but I assume it has to do with my past. I can never keep a job for the same reason. No one wants to hire a convicted call girl to do anything. The boss offered me to keep my job if I would sleep with him and I told him no and walked out. I have never felt so degraded in my life." The tears would not stop falling as I think about what happened. I'm not exactly sure why I was telling Dr. Wilson all of this, but I guess it was a good thing.

"What happened after that?" He asked gently.

"I guess I just lost it. I went home researched what drugs would put me out, found the right ones that I had on hand, took them, and now here we are the next day." I said simply.

"Well I think now would be a good time to ask God for guidance."

"You can, but God won't listen to my prayers. He doens't want to be listening to filth like me." I bit out. The words were harsh, but I felt they were true.

"Oh, Catherine, you are so wrong about that. God made you because He loved you so much. He knew all of this was going to happen. He sent His Son so you would not be fifthly, but you could be made clean. God has a perfect plan for you. He will never give up on you. You only have to look for Him and He will come to you." His eyes were so earnest it was hard not to believe what he said.

"But still. I've done so many things to His people. How could He want me after that."

"You could be one of His people too, if you wanted to be." He replied softly. All of the sudden I felt really tired.

"Okay, I think I need to sleep now." I said closing my eyes. As I drifted off I felt him squeeze my hand. I felt safe for the first time in years.