If Only...

Chapter 13

Chapter 13

It’s been three weeks since I told Taylor about my past. Part of me thought that I would regret telling him, but I feel liberated. He knows about me and yet he still cares about me. Part of me is starting to have feelings for him that are less than professional. I like him, more than a patient should like their therapist. The worst part is I think he likes me too. I’m hoping that this is just a phase and that I will get over it.

I don’t think that I’m ready for a relationship! But, he does know all of my secrets and yet he still talks to me, so that’s a start. He hasn’t condemned me. I feel so safe around him.

On the other hand, he is way out of my league. He was a leader in the church and an all around good guy. I could not tarnish his reputation by being with him. No one would accept us. People would look down on him, and I will not be responsible for his down fall.

My routine is pretty basic: go to work, go to the grocery store if I need to, go home, make dinner, and go to bed. I like my routine, even if it is boring, it’s mine. Once a week I have a meeting with Taylor and church is on Sunday followed by lunch with my dad.

Today is Sunday and after morning worship I search out my dad for lunch. To my surprise he is speaking with Taylor. I stop short of them, hoping that they won’t notice me. But as luck would have it, they were both looking at me and waving me over. They were probably talking about me, and I did not want to be part of that discussion.

“Hey pumpkin, I was just inviting Taylor here for lunch with us.” My dad said with a smile on his face.

“Really sir, I would not want to take away from your father-daughter bonding time.” Taylor said with a look in my direction and that was when I remembered my comment to him about how much I appreciated my time with my dad. He really was a sweet guy.

“Nonsense, we would love to have you. Wouldn’t we pumpkin?” My dad said, raising his eyebrows in my direction.

“Yeah, of course, we would love to have you.” I said looking at my dad and refusing to meet Taylor’s eyes.

“I don’t know” Taylor trailed off, making me look at him. I met his eyes and nodded my approval. He sighed.

“Thank you for your invitation.” He said finally.

“So is that a yes?” My dad asked.

“Yes sir, it is.” He said, smiling.

We drove to my father’s house for dinner. You could still feel and see my mother’s presence, even though she had been gone for almost eight years. Her feminine touches were everywhere, from the drapes to the doilies on the tables. My father was cooking a roast and the smell permeated throughout the whole house.

He finished getting the food ready I set the table and Taylor stood there looking awkward and out of place, not that I blame the man. If I was in his place I would feel awkward and out of place.             

Dad set the food on the table and we all sat down to eat. He asked the blessing over the three of us and then promptly told us to dig in. We did as instructed and sat around in companionable silence munching on our lunch. My dad kept looking at me and I kept looking at him and Taylor kept looking between the two of us, we were each waiting for another person to start the conversation and finally after about three minutes of our awkward staring contest my dad finally caved.

“So Taylor how are things going with you?” My dad asked taking his eyes off me, for which I was thankful. My dad and I really haven’t spoken much since the “party”, but his fatherly sense can tell something happened. I wanted to hide my face from him.

“Things are going great. I have the job of my dreams and a supportive family and just and overall good life. How are things with you?” Taylor spoke with pride over his work and respect when he spoke to my father. After I left no one really respected my father. They called him a bad parent for his “fallen daughter”. I can’t blame most people for feeling that was though; I was what everyone said I was.

“Fine, fine. I’m going to retire from the office at the end of the year. I’m looking forward to be able to kick back and relax and go fishing whenever I wanted. You should come along sometime.” My dad said smiling. My dad had a soft spot for Taylor. I can easily understand why because I did too.

“Thank you sir, I might take you up on that sometime.” They started talking about fishing and I let my mind wander. The rest of lunch went smoothly, to which I was thankful.

After lunch I went home and took a nap, charging myself up for the work week. Maybe this week would be a good one.