If Only...

Wedding Night

When I got lonely sometimes I would imagine what my wedding night would be like. And it wasn't this.

Catherine and I had said out vows, went to dinner, and now we were getting ready for bed. Our separate beds.

I knew she wasn't ready for an intimate relationships and I wasn't going to even broach the subject. So here I was on my wedding night, in my bed alone. And I couldn't help but be a little disappointed. So I did what any God- fearing man would do in that situation. I prayed.

I prayed first and foremost for my self-control because I knew I was going to need a large dose of it. I prayed for Catherine and her troubles. I prayed for our relationship and our friendship. I prayed until my disappointment of my wedding night had transformed into peace. Well, mostly.

"Taylor?" Catherine whispered into the darkness.

"Yes?"

"I really don't deserve you." She choked out. My heart melted at her distress. I turned to face her and turned one of the lights on.

"Well, I really don't deserve you either." I whispered with a smile. I took time to study her face. I could tell she had been crying and I wanted to do everything I could to make her happy.

"But I really don't deserve you. My life is a mess and you are so put together and-" She started to cry again. I got out of bed and kneeled down in front of her.

"Listen, you've had a rough go at life. I'm not going to sit here and apologize for it because we both know that won't make anything better. But, everyone deserves to be happy and to spend their time with someone they love. Stop telling yourself you don't deserve me, because one of these days I will mess up and then your perfect image of me will be ruined. But today was not just about legal formalities to keep you safe. It's a symbol. Today begins a new chapter in your life. That also means your stuck with me because I really did mean the 'till death do us part. Okay?" I looked at her, willing her to understand the passion and the truth behind my words. She looked at me, really looked at me for a long while. Suddenly she turned shy.

"Can I ask a favor?" She asked, looking at me through her eyelashes.

"Anything" I whispered.

"I know we are not ready for an intimate relationship, but can you hold me?" Out of all the things I expected to come out of her mouth, that was not even close. I tried to mask my surprise, but I knew she saw it.

"Nevermind, that was a stupid question." She said, refusing to look at me.

"Scoot over." I said smiling. She looked up at me in surprise.

"You don't have to..." She whispered, moving to give me space of her small mattress.

" And give up the chance to hold my wife for the first time. No way!" I said, laying on her bed and reaching out for her. She laid contentedly in my arms, and immediately started to drift off to sleep.

I on the other hand was wide awake and trying to calm my mind and body, so I did what any other God-fearing man would do, again. I prayed for more self-control because The Lord knew how much I needed it.

__________________________

I must of fallen asleep praying because I woke with a jolt. Catherine was having a nightmare and was screaming in her sleep.

"Catherine, sweetheart! Wake up. It's just a dream, nothing can hurt you." I started shaking her until she opened her eyes and looked at me.

"Taylor, they tried to hurt me!" She cried, clinging to my shirt.

"I know baby, but they won't anymore." I whispered, threading my fingers through her hair. Thankfully it seemed to calm her down.

"Please don't leave me" She sighed, trying to relax in my arms.

"Don't worry baby. I will never leave you."

She started to relax and I started to pray. This time for Catherine and the inner demons facing her as she slept,