If Only...

Chapter 15

He won't stop calling me! Twenty times in the last two days. You think he would take the hint and stop trying to contact me, but for some reason he just won't give up. I don't want to talk to him, even just to tell him that I don't want to talk to him. I have nothing to say to him, he's too good to even give me a thought. I don't want him to. Oh, what am I kidding, of course  I want him to, but our lives are completly different. He is the white lamb, and I am the black sheep. I am trash and he is gold.

The phone rings and once again I ignore it., but this time he decides to leave a voice-mail.

"Hey Cathy, I'm not quite sure why you have completely shut me out of your life. I'm sorry if I said or did something that offended you, it was not my intent. I would really like to say this to you either in person or at least hearing your actual voice, not that I'm not fond of your automated one, it's just easier to talk to you. I know I'm rambling. Anyway, please call when you get the chance. I just want to know that you are okay. I'm not your therapist anymore, so I'm purely concerned as a friend. I don't want to analyze your word, or whatever you think that I do. I just want to know that you are okay. Call me."

That man loved to talk when he felt that he had something to say. I had to fight every urge in my body not to call him back, but I knew that it would do nothing. I just wanted him to forget that I existed and then maybe I could stop having feelings for him. We could both move on, and maybe he could find someone that he would deserve.

I was in the middle of my thoughts about getting over him when the doorbell rang. I thought about ignoring it, but in the end I decided that I needed to answer it. Not to my surprise it was him.

"Why won't you talk to me?" He demanded, looking frustrated.

"Well hello to you to, would you like to come in?" I inquired sarcastically because he was already standing in my foyer. I closed the door and led him to the living room and offered him a drink. He refused the drink, but did take a seat. I was still standing, waiting for him to say something. He looked at me like he was waiting for me to do the same thing.

"Are you going to answer my question?" He asked, his eyebrows raised. 

"I'm sorry, I didn't know what to say to you. I didn't know what you were going to say to me. I'm a coward all right?" I muttered out my statement. He looked at me with confusion.

"Why are you a coward?"

"Because I couldn't face you after my little outburst. That one wasn't like anything I'd ever said before. No one knows that about me. I mean I'm sure people can guess. But I don't like being vulnerable." I huffed, refusing to meet his gaze.

"Cathy, look at me." I hesitated and decided to do as told.

"Okay, that's better. Listen, you can tell me anything, not as your therapist, but as your friend. I want to be able to be there for you. I care about you, and sometimes people just need to be able to tell things to others. You should have someone to tell your wants and dreams to. I want to be that person, but you have to trust me. I know that's asking a lot, but know that you can." I didn't know what to say to his declaration. He was the best person that I had ever met. He was so sweet and kind. I didn't deserve him. Swallowing my tears I nodded, and hoped that my heart could take it.