Torn (Book 2)

2. Zayn

Chapter 2. Zayn

I think Harry is still scared of me. Like yesterday when I was gonna hug him he flinched back. Me and Harry are confusing. He's scared, confused and quiet. I don't know why he's scared of me. I never did anything to hurt him.. Only Kevin.. But I've been addicted to drugs now and just getting drunk... I usually get drunk at a bar and crash at my friend's Kyle's house for I don't hurt Harry.. I hide these things from Harry thought. He will think it's his fault. I just want to know why he's so scared of me. He won't cuddle with me, he won't laugh anymore, he won't hug me. It's like there's a wall between us. I don't want there to be a wall. I mean, we both life together and it's hard enough I can't kiss my own boyfriend. I don't know what that means is us.. We're together but just.. I don't know. I slipped out of bed and headed towards the bathroom. I looked in the mirror. I still had a black eye from a bar fight.. I told Harry I just banged my eye on a table. He believed me but I feel bad lying to him. Having to lie to your boyfriend is horrible. I really don't know where this is going.. I washed my face and sighed. Why can't Harry just find someone else? I'm nothing.. I cut, I have a dug addiction, I get drunk a Lot and i'm just like my brother.. Well in many ways. I would never want to hurt or even kill Harry. I used to do the same before when I was dating Harry also. He's just gonna pack up and leave if I tell him. I can't have that. I love Harry. I love him and always will. I can't hide my feelings for him but he can clearly not hide his hate for me. Maybe it would be best if I leave but I don't know.. Our flat was pretty big. It had two rooms so that was cool I guess. I stepped out on the porch and took out a cigarette. Harry knows I smoke.. He just doesn't know that sometimes I smoke weed.. I don't want to tell him! I know i'll have to soon or he'll find out. If he finds out he will just hurt more than he already would be.. But when I been drunk I never cheated on Harry so that's good, right? I sighed as I puffed out the gray smoke and watched it float away in the wind. Is this really what I became? I became my brother. The one who shuts people out.. and just hates the damn world! I sat down on the couch that was there and put my finger across the lines of my scars. It hurt, some were new, old or like a hour ago. I sighed and put my head back. "Morning babe" Harry laughed and sat next to me on the couch. "Hey" I smiled and pecked his lips. He cuddled up next to me and smiled. "Why you so happy" I just simply laughed and put the cigarette down. "I'm sorry I been so quiet Zaynie" Harry sighed. "You don't need to be sorry. It's fine" I smiled and kissed his head. "You still love me?" "I always will Haz" I winked and played with his curls. "And you will never lie to me, right?" I almost choked on freaking air. "Of course" I just smiled. Harry climbed onto my lap and smiled at me. I pecked his lips once more. But he took it farther. He kissed back so it wasn't just a peck. I backed away and laughed at Harry. "Well i'm gonna make breakfast" Harry patted my leg before getting up. "Want me to help?" Harry shook his head and walked inside. I don't know why Harry is being sorry. It's my fault he's been quiet.. Whatever though.. I will always love him.

-*-

I laughed as I walked into Kyle's flat. He had to help me into it cause of how unstable I was. "I think next time you don't drink at all" Kyle laughed as he put his keys on the counter. "What?! Are you crazy?!" I don't know why but I kept laughing. "Alright. Time for you to go to bed" he laughed and sat me down on the couch. "But i'm not tired.." "Well drink this glass of water then go to bed" Kyle smiled. His nose piercing was glowing from where he stood in the light. His lip piercing and earrings just stuck out. His brown hair was just dull. I shook it off and just waited for him to get me water. He sat it on the table. "Well i'm going to bed" Kyle smiled and patted my shoulder. "Alright. See yeah tomorrow night." "Night Zayn" Kyle laughed. "Night Ky" I yawned and started to fall asleep. Maybe if Harry doesn't love me Kyle will..

-*-

I sighed as I walked into mine and Harry's flat. I had a massive head ache. Kyle gave me something for it but still it won't go away. I didn't wanna wake up at all or even move. I think I had too much last night.. I throw the keys on the counter and slipped my shoes off. I need a shower. But i'll wake up Harry if I take one. I look up and Harry is sitting on the couch he had tears in his eyes. "Harry! Babe, what's wrong?" "Where were you last night?" "I went for a run" I lied. "And you come back in the morning?!" "Harry I can explain.." "And what is this" Harry yelled and throw my weed on the ground. "Haz-" "I found blood in the bathroom followed by a knife. Zayn, show me your arm!" "NO!" "SHOW ME YOUR FUCKING ARM ZAYN!" I showed him my arm and tears started to pour out of his eyes. "Tell me Zayn. What really happened to your eye?" "I told you Harry" I said in a whisper. "TELL ME THE TRUTH ZAYN!" "I GOT INTO A BAR FIGHT ALRIGHT?! AND THAT'S WHERE I GO EVERY NIGHT! I STAY AT MY FRIEND'S HOUSE CAUSE I DON'T WANT TO HURT YOU! I LOVE YOU TOO MUCH!" "Then why do you do this" Harry looked up. His eyes were already red and puffy. "I don't know.." "There has to be a reason Zayn!" "I think your scared of me." "Why would I be scared of you? Besides the fact that your turning into your brother!" "I'm not like my brother.." "He did the same thing Zayn.." "Did you tell my parents" I looked at him. "Should I Zayn? Or are you gonna stop?" "HARRY I CAN'T STOP! I TRIED! I TRIED FOR YOU BUT I COULDN'T!" "Zayn YOU NEED HELP" Harry yelled. "THE ONLY PERSON WHO NEEDS HELP IN THIS ROOM IS YOU! CAUSE YOUR TOO SCARED TO EVEN LOOK ME IN THE DAMN EYE! AM I REALLY THAT MEAN TO YOU HARRY?!" "ZAYN I'M NOT SCARED OF YOU! I JUST WANT YOU TO STOP" Harry yelled. He looked like he was gonna flip over a table.. "Whatever" I growled and stormed passed Harry. I just cried. Cried for Harry. Cried for help.. If Harry sees me do this again he's gonna send me to a mental hospital.. My past can't come back.. It can't. I can't go there. Not after I got everything that I wanted. Harry was standing on the frame of my door. "I still love you. You know? Even if you are crazy. But your my crazy freak that i'm gonna help" Harry finally looked me in the eye. I walked up to him. His breathe on mine and mine on his. "Prove it." "I will Zayn. I will prove I love you. I will prove you are my everything! I will sure your okay!" "Don't put it in words Harry. Just. prove. It!" Harry simply pushed me on the wall. He was gonna show me he loved me. I wanna feel him. I want him. I don't want to hurt him.. or is this all a dream? What if this never happened? What if i'm still at Kyle's?.. I'm so confused. My head was like beating. I couldn't control it. I knew this was gonna happen. I don't know what brought me this far.. To almost.. I don't know.. What happenes. I just.. And then I fell.. Having the whole world go black..I could see nothing. I heard screams but that was all..  Harry... Help..