My various short stories, thoughts and headcannons about Love and Deepspace.
I publish them first in my tumblr blog ( link in bio), then with some delay here as well.
Content: depression, abandonment, depreciating thoughts, tired of life, suicidal thoughts and try of suicide, hurt and little comfort at the end, drowning
This is very, very dark! So read it at your own risk! I don't know what has gotten into me with this but I guess that's what happens when I get feeded me angst the last days 🫣 There is some humor and comfort in the end!
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You stand at the beach, the one where you and he strolled along on bright and warm summer nights when the gentle breeze sways the purple strands into his ocean eyes, the ones that resemble the sunset you're looking at now.
It once hurt to even think of his name. It suffocated you to imagine all the happy moments with him, and reminiscing about all the adventures he took you on.
The agony ate you up, so much that you stopped eating or even caring about yourself. The unbearable pain that he vanished on that fateful night a year ago and never came back. In the past months you have lived no life, you have only been a shell. An empty vessel where once his love brightened your soul. But now there's only emptiness left, a dark bottomless abyssal of dread.
Rafayel has left you and the hope of his return has kept you upward, the certainty that he wouldn't leave you without a message soothed your worries in the beginning - it all has long wilted away, just like a delicate flower in the harshest winter.
You once clung to the fiery thread around your heart, the everlasting covenant that is your bond with him. He wouldn't leave you, that was your mantra in these last months. The sliver of hope you hold as tight as a shipwrecked sailor a piece of wood in the open vast of an endless ocean.
But your love never returned.
And Rafayel will never.
This truth has spread its ugly thorn through your whole being in the last weeks and brought you to this place tonight. To the moon-shone beach where you were once so happy.
No emotion is left in you as you stare at the calm sea in front of you. Your fishie is gone from your life. And nothing will ever change that. You were able to accept that finally.
All that you feel now is a final determination.
He won't be with you and you can't without him anymore. You're tired - burnt out. The flame inside you has extinguished.
As if your body has its own life, a first step takes you past the water line, the magical border where the waves kiss the cold skin of your naked toes.
And like a spell has been broken, more steps follow swiftly. One after another brings you further away from the beach and deeper into the waves. Soon your body is immersed in the cold Sea Water and laps around your hips.
Bewitched you stare at the surface that shimmers whimsically under the full moon. Your palms caress the gentle waves that surround you like a predator, its innocent prey.
