Colors ♡ Kim Hongjoong

ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ 11

Date: November 17

The rest of the day went mostly without any interactions with Hongjoong or his friends. Yunho and Seonghwa had passed me in the hallway but I managed to duck out of the way before they noticed me. I couldn't look at them the same after seeing them on that stage either. It was something I couldn't wrap my mind around. How could they be top students and live a double life?

If our teachers knew what they did after hours, would they still praise them so much? It crossed my mind, but I decided that I was not the kind of person to snitch. They would eventually have a downfall of some kind. I was petty, but I wasn't petty enough to instigate something between them and the teachers — no matter how fun it would be to watch.

My last class was humanities and it was one that I didn't particularly care for. The teacher was always asking deep, thought-rottening questions that contemplated the soulmate bond and relationship dynamics among humans. Was it fate or biology? You could say it was his hyperfixation, and I'd like to think it was because he had been single his whole life.

The man stood at the front of the class gesturing wildly and quoting philosophers and poets. His favorites were the lines of love-sick writers — those who probably had never found their love. I personally wouldn't mind if it didn't mean that I would experience the soul bond pains constantly. That sparked a thought inside me. How often was my teacher's soul bond pains? Were they as constant as mine...or worse?

Suddenly, he leaned on his teaching podium, hands clasped together, "Do you think the soul bond makes love easier...or harder?"

Everyone was silent, and I couldn't tell if he was asking the class or himself. However, that didn't stop me from looking up to meet my teacher's eyes. He was looking for a sign of comprehension among any of his students and I was the first. My answer was in my eyes, and I knew he saw it. He was silent, maintaining eye contact and I had never seen him stripped down and raw — completely human.

He turned and scratched a quote on the whiteboard, resuming his lecture. I only caught the tail end of the quote, "...as if not believing in the bond could make it hurt less."

For the rest of class, my gaze settled on that quote. I didn't doodle in my notebook or even take notes. My pen remained in my hand but was unused. My pulse radiated through my veins and flickered in my brain. I couldn't tell if his question had been rhetorical or if he had posed it to voice what I couldn't.

Date: November 18

It was Saturday and I slept in through most of the morning. Only when Wooyoung came barging into my room did I crack an eye open. He opened my window, blinding me with sunlight. Groaning, I rolled over and buried my face into my pillow.

"What do you want?" I croaked.

"Let's do something fun," he took a seat next to me and pried me from my pillow, "You've had a difficult week and we want to make it up to you."

"We?"

I peered up to see Yeosang standing at my doorway. He waved sheepishly, his hair disheveled and his face still sleepy. The proposition was probably just as new to him as it was to me. Sighing, I sat up and ran a hand through my hair.

"Okay, just let me take a shower or something," I answered, "Where are we going?"

I watched as Wooyung stood proudly, arms outstretched to present his glorious idea, "We're having a nostalgia day."

"What the heck is that?" my brows furrow and I blink, trying to interpret between the lines.

"You'll see," Wooyoung beamed and left my room with Yeosang, closing the door behind them. Rolling my eyes, I climbed out of bed and got ready for the day. I took a shower and dressed myself in a skirt and a soft sweater. As I was pulling on my boots, there was a tap on my door.

"I'm decent," I stated.

Yeosang peeked inside, "We're ready. Wooyoung wants you to hurry up — he's really proud of his idea so...try to act like you enjoy it?"

I huffed out a laugh, a smile tugging at my lips, "Okay, I got it."

Our first stop was the elementary school playground. The swings and structures were a lot smaller than I had recalled, but I guess that was because I had grown taller since then. Everything seemed so much simpler back then. Grades hadn't become the source of my joy and being yet — I only cared for sweets and hanging out with Yeosang and Wooyoung. The pressure of being the smartest one in the room hadn't hit me yet.

Neither had the ambition.

I took a seat on the swing. I still fit, but the seat pressed in on my hips, reminding me that I was no longer the size of a child. Wooyoung came bounding over in a fit of giggles. His dark hair bounced with each step and several strands hung over his eyes.

"I'll push you!" he placed his hands on the small of my back and pushed me into the air. I couldn't help but laugh. I hadn't been pushed on a swing for...years. You never do something for the last time thinking it'll be the last time, you just realize later how you haven't done it in so long. Yeosang laughed with us from his own swing. Our laughs were like a long forgotten melody.

Wooyoung moved away from me and grabbed onto Yeosang, "Your turn!"

Yeosang began to protest but halted, seeing how much joy Wooyoung was experiencing. I grinned, watching the two. Wooyoung was so affectionate with those he cared for and I counted myself lucky to call myself his friend. Just for this, I could forgive him and Yeosang for the other night.

After the playground, we got lunch at our favorite fried chicken place. From there, we walked around and visited some of our favorite places around Seoul. The day ended with sneaking into the school and lying on the roof. Wooyoung spread out a blanket and turned on a small portable speaker. We laid out some snacks we had bought from a convenience store down the street.

The three of us reminisced on some of our best moments growing up. After a while though, we went quiet and just stared up at the night sky. Because of the light pollution, we couldn't see many stars. The ones we did see were breathtaking. Wooyoung was the first to speak up.

"Did we ever wish for soulmates back then?"

Yeosang shook his head, "No."

"I think we were happier not thinking about it," I said, but I paused. "If love is already written in stone, then why is it so hard to comprehend?"

"Maybe because it's a language you haven't learned yet," Yeosang's words echoed through the night. Has he learned it? Or was he struggling just as much as I was? Was my soulmate out there with the same dilemma as me?

I sucked in a breath, clutching the sweater over my heart as my chest began to catch fire.