Colors ♡ Kim Hongjoong

ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ 12

Date: November 20

The forest is dark with shadows that reach out for me, but my gaze is locked onto a blue light ahead. I try to touch it but it's just out of my reach. Each step I take, the farther away it is. So I chase after it. The faster I run, the quicker the shadows are trying to catch me. One of them manages to take hold of my arm, and I wriggle away. Another catches my leg and I kick my way free.

Anxiously, I look ahead once more at the light that is slowly fading. Just as I pry myself free and take a step of freedom, my ankle is caught in a shadow and I trip. I'm caught by the arm again and am drug away from the light. Panic swells in me and I try to thrash my way out of the shadow's grasp.

"No!" I cry out, relentlessly fighting against it.

Suddenly, distorted as if it were underwater, a voice speaks my name, "Yeona."

The voice is familiar and holds power over the shadows that haunt me. They release me and I spring away, after the light. Eventually, I finally catch up to it. Out of breath, I reach out with my hand. As soon as I touch it, the world vanishes.

I bolted up, inhaling sharply. Throwing the sheets away, I stood and went to the bathroom. I rinsed the sweat from my face and felt the cool granite counter under my palms. It was anchoring.

"What is wrong with me?" I mumbled, staring at my reflection. I barely recognized myself. I haven't slept right for days, and it feels like my life is crumbling in my own hands.

My alarm began to ring from my room so I returned and shut it off. I spent the next forty minutes dragging myself to get ready for school. I didn't even have an appetite for breakfast and lied to my mom that I would grab something and eat it on the way.

I didn't say a word to Yeosang or Wooyoung during the walk to school. I was too tired to have any fun. My grades had made a shift this past week and I needed to get my head screwed on right and get them back up. I couldn't help but think that Hongjoong was probably top of the class now and someone else had taken my spot. Anger flared within me.

And so did the pain.

The three of us entered the school gates and I could feel the eyes of a group of classmates near the door. They stood whispering together and covering their mouths. I didn't have to pay close attention to know who they were talking about or what they were saying. I clenched fist around my backpack strap.

"What's wrong with her these days?"

"I heard some people saying that she's been slacking her grades recently."

"I guess she got tired of being top of the class."

"What a shame, she must have lost her ambition."

I tried to keep walking. Really, I did. But instead, I stopped in my tracks and whirled around to face them. I grit my teeth and scowled at them.

"What a pathetic lot you are," I snapped, "What's it to you? Is my life any of your business? Keep my name out of your filthy mouths!"

Only once I was finished did I realize how many other students had halted and gathered to watch. My cheeks flushed with shame. I was mean — but never this mean. What was I turning into?

Embarrassed, I rushed away. I folded my arms and ignored Yeosang and Wooyoung's calls after me. I shut the world out as I made my way to class. I shoved my way through the crowded hallways, not caring who I bumped into. Everything was beginning to blur and this time I couldn't tell if they were tears or my head ringing with pain.

I managed to step into an empty hallway and catch my breath, propping myself up next to the wall. My gaze drifted to the other end and I realized it wasn't completely empty. Hongjoong knelt on the floor, reaching up to find purchase on the wall. His face was pale and strained, and his eyes closed shut. His breaths were ragged and uneven.

He's the last person I wanted to see...but not like this. Before I could stop myself, I took a step forward, "Hongjoong?"

My voice was barely a whisper but he still heard me, flinching. He lifted his face to look at me. His eyes were glazed over and in a daze of aching. I took a few more steps, cautiously.

"Are you okay?" I could have slapped myself.

He chuckled dryly, "Do I look fine to you?"

I frowned, "Well I guess if you're able to make jokes—"

"It'll pass," Hongjoong interrupted, "You should go."

My brows knit together, and I watched as he moved to a sitting position, leaning against the cool wall. His head tilted back on the stone and another ragged breath escaped his lips. His jaw was clenched and the vein on his neck looked as though it were going to explode. He wasn't okay.

"You're in pain," I knelt beside him, holding back from reaching out to him.

He placed a hand over his chest, the same place I often clutched for dear life when I experienced my soul bond pains. My eyes widened in realization.

"It's my pain. I can deal with it just as I have before," he replied, his voice straining. It was as if speaking caused him more pain — and I knew the feeling. I knew better than to stay but something glued my feet. I watched as his whole body trembled.

"You...don't have to deal with this alone," my voice was softer than I had intended. What was I even doing? I would have never stopped to help him before so why was I now?

Hongjoong finally turned to face me again, "You wouldn't understand, Yeona."

I frowned, standing and stepping away. I wouldn't understand? I clenched a fist and took another step back. Never had Hongjoong ever pushed me away, but it made me more upset than I could have ever guessed it would. It was my job to push him away.

"Fine, deal with it yourself," I retorted, spinning on my heels to go in the opposite direction. Just as I did, my knees nearly buckled from one of the worst waves of pain I had ever experienced. I held an arm out to catch myself but it was too late and Hongjoong had already seen it happen.

"Yeona..."

"I'm fine," I lied through gritted teeth. I heard him shuffle to his feet and take a step after me. Too quickly though, I straightened and regained my cool and collected posture. Swallowing hard I continued walking away and to class.