Colors ♡ Kim Hongjoong

ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ 13

Date: November 20

I couldn't pay attention at all during class. My mind always returned to the image of Hongjoong crumpled on the floor and in agony. I had never thought that he would experience the same kind of pain that I did. He had always seemed...too perfect for that kind of thing. Maybe I had also been convincing myself that I was falling apart.

Maybe I wasn't, and I was mistaking this and it was all just a test of strength. That was a stupid thought.

When it came time for humanities, I paid attention. I actually wanted to know what the teacher had to say today. To my luck, it was about the soul bond pains. He went on a tangent and a whole string of love-sick quotes about separation and rejection.

"The soul bond is not just emotional and romantic," the teacher spoke, pacing slowly in front of the class. "It's biological. But I wonder, is the pain of a soul bond mutual? Can both sides feel it?"

There were murmurs around the classroom, a curious debate opening among the students. The teacher seemed pleased with it. I, however, sat silently and rigidly in my seat. My hands were bawled into fists and trembling. My ribs were cracking and being peeled aside. Something like a vacuum was trying to steal my very soul.

Surely I wasn't the only one like this.

I scanned the room around me but my gaze was snagged only on one person. Hongjoong had one hand resting atop his desk normally, while the other one grasped the side of his desk. His knuckles were turning white and he was bouncing a knee. It was not an anxious bounce, but one filled with discomfort. I forced myself to look away.

The teacher posed another question, "I wonder how the soul bond pain changes when one side begins to listen?"

My head was swirling with my own questions. If I was in such pain, did it mean that my soulmate was rejecting me? Or were they repressing their feelings for me? Was I making a mistake? Was I the one at fault and inducing such horrible pain on my other half?

Suddenly, I was able to breathe a little easier. A wave of relief washed over me for the first time in a while and I rested in it. My body relaxed and I couldn't help but close my eyes for a moment, grateful. Perhaps my soulmate somehow knew. Although, I still didn't understand how the balance of pain worked out.

Seven more days...and maybe this would all be over.

After the bell rang, I walked through the halls slower than usual. Yeosang and Wooyoung were probably already waiting by the gates. My shoulders were slouched under the weight of my backpack. It wasn't heavier than normal.

"Yeona?" a female voice spoke up from behind me, halting me in my tracks. I looked over my shoulder, confused. It was a girl from my class who never usually spoke to me. She was quiet and also smart, but our circles never really overlapped.

She was full of concern and hesitation, "Are you okay? I've noticed that you don't seem to be doing well lately."

I froze. So it really was obvious to everyone.

"I'm fine," I responded, sharper than what I had intended. My classmate flinched and took a step back. Guilt stabbed me and I spoke again, more apologetically, "Sorry — I didn't mean to sound that way. It's just...stress."

A lie.

She nodded, "Well I hope you feel better. You might want to check in with the nurse though, just to be sure."

"Yeah," I replied half-heartedly before continuing my walk outside. As I had guessed, Yeosang and Wooyoung were waiting for me by the gates. Yunho and Seonghwa were standing with them, chatting. I glanced around the area, expecting to find Hongjoong close but he was nowhere in sight.

They all waved as I approached, smiling and oblivious to the pulsing headache I had. I gave them all a half smile and tucked my hands into my pockets. I had so much homework to do tonight that any time I thought about it, my headache worsened. How was I supposed to stay top of the class when I felt like this?

"Where's the rest of you?" I tried to tease, but it came out weak.

Seonghwa smiled kindly, "Hongjoong isn't feeling well so he left as soon as the bell rang."

I recalled noticing that he was in a hurry to grab his things and leave, but I had been dismissive. I wondered if Hongjoong had told Seonghwa and Yunho about our encounter in the hallway. Did they know what he was experiencing?

Wooyoung raised his brows, "What's wrong with him?"

Seonghwa and Yunho shared a glance, and Yunho spoke up this time, "Just a bad headache. He's been having a lot of them recently."

"What a shame with midterms," I said flatly. Yeosang gave me a look that said, A shame for you too.

We didn't linger and chat much longer. Once I made it home, I cracked open an energy drink and prayed that it would help. Thankfully, I managed to get a good portion completed. When dinner time rolled around, I asked that I eat in my room so I could study. Mom didn't mind as long as my bowl was empty when I brought it back downstairs. She had noticed that I wasn't myself recently so I think she was just thankful that I was eating and felt up to studying.

It was ten o'clock and I closed the folder with my homework, tucking it into my backpack. It was an understatement to say that I was relieved to have my homework done. For a few hours, I had felt my spark back and I was sure that whatever I was going through would be temporary...or at least, I hoped.

I took one of my mini robots from the shelf and sat crosslegged on the floor with it. I flipped the tiny switch on its back and watched as it came to life. It balanced on two wheels on either side and had a screen that lit up, creating face-like features. It made soft beeps as it wandered around, scanning its surroundings. I had programmed it to solely wander its environment. The robot had scanners that would allow it to detect objects and go around them.

I watched as it bumped into one of my shoes. The body fell backward and hit the floor, and it let out a dizzy and warped song before straightening itself. I chuckled. That was something cute I had programmed. I let it wander around for a while longer before picking it up and shutting it off. I set it back on my shelf and began getting ready for bed.

I just hoped that tomorrow began as good as today had finished.