Truths and Lies

Ch. 10

3:23am

I couldn't sleep.........I couldn't sleep without thinking about the situation. So many scenarios have ran through my mind. Comprehending them was difficult. Some of them were ways I could get around it without hurting him. Others were not in the picture.

It sucks to have sleepless nights knowing you don't know your own fate. Is moving across the country and changing my appearance really worth the hassle. I mean what if people find out its me and it will be another fiasco to worry about. It just doesn't make any sense right now.

Just thinking about this, brings tears to my eyes. The tears fall, but my heart isn't broken......yet. With all my dignity I stand up and walk over to the window, opening the doors to my balcony. The serenity of the city right now is peaceful, but there is never a time where we are all quiet.

This is one of those times where all the pressure of a decision is weighing on my shoulders. Every time I felt I was pressured on deciding something or doing something, I feel all the emotions I did them. Not knowing what to do, it all seems to much.

It maybe 3:30 in the morning, but I want to dance. Matt has an empty room in his apartment, that he turned into a dance room when I came back it was supposed to be a guest room, except he had hope I would forgive him, which I applaud.

I step in the room, admiring how he had pictures of me dancing up on the walls. The new hardwood floor, a mirror lining the wall, it's like I'm back at the studio. Even the trophy case of my awards I gave to Matt when I was a kid was on the wall.

I could give it up, I couldn't let everything I was given as a child go down in flames. It just sucks to go through this after I made the mistake I did.
"Maddie?" A voice says. I turn around and see a sleepy Matt at the door.
"What are you doing up at this hour?"
I had no words......

He walks up to me, embraces me in a hug, and slowly rubs my back in circles.
"I couldn't sleep," I say.
"I know it's rough, it's a lot of pressure that most people face at some point in their life. I have many times, but you do what you want to do," he says.
"I haut want to dance," I say. He lets go and sits down in the chair.

"Then dance, dance all the emotions away," he says turning on some quiet, slow music. I look in the mirror as I wipe away the tears.
"It's hard to thinks about it," I say.
"It's gonna be, but it helps," he says. I take a deep breath and I start to dance to my solo "Loose Cannon", the song makes me feel like even if all the weight
of the world is on me, I can still power through it.