𝐒𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐰𝐛𝐞𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 & 𝐂𝐢𝐠𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐬 | 𝐕.𝐇

４５

Vinnie's pov

I shut the door to Jack's room behind me and stood in the hallway for a second, completely still.

She was in there.

Maddy.

God.

I hadn't expected that. I wasn't ready for it, not tonight, not like that. One look at her sitting on Jack's bed, hoodie sleeves pushed up, her laptop in her lap like it was just another normal day, and I swear something twisted in my chest. The girl that I haven't been able to stop thinking about over the past year of being apart even when we lived together now.

Of course I see her pretty often considering we live under the same roof, next door to each other, but there's a difference between passing each other in the kitchen and opening a door to see her sitting there, looking back at you.

And now I was supposed to go on a date?

I walked back to my room in a daze, the voices in my head louder than ever. The girl I was supposed to meet tonight, her name was Bree or Brooke or something, was someone Michael knew from some party. He said she was cool, into fashion, didn't care about clout or any of that social media crap. He had hyped her up like it was the answer to all my problems.

"You need to get out of your head, bro. It's been like a year," he told me yesterday, shoving his phone in my face with her Instagram. "You've got to stop being sad-boy Vinnie all the time. She's cute. Go get dinner. Doesn't mean you're marrying her."

I said yes because I was tired of him asking. Because pretending I was okay was easier than explaining that I wasn't. That I hadn't really moved on. That I didn't even want to.

I changed shirts three times before I walked to Jack's room to get a second opinion. Not because I cared what my date would think— nothing against her of course— but because I needed to do something to distract myself. But seeing Maddy... it was like all the noise faded. And not in the peaceful way. It felt like being thrown back into something I hadn't fully climbed out of yet.

The worst part? She was so calm. So normal. Like seeing me didn't phase her. She even smiled. Complimented my outfit. Laughed a little.

And I smiled too, because that's what you do, right?

You pretend.

You pretend like it didn't break you a little every night she wasn't by your side. Like you didn't check her profile just to see if she looked happy. Like her name didn't still sit heavy in the back of your mind every second of every damn day.

The truth? I've never stopped thinking about her. Even when we decided it was mutual. Even when we both agreed we needed space. It was never a clean break. It was more like a quiet tear, one that just kept pulling a little more every time I passed her door or heard her laugh down the hall.

And lately, it's been worse. She's in my head more than usual— which is saying a lot, because she's always been there.

The other night I saw a TikTok she posted, nothing dramatic, just her dancing in the kitchen in sweatpants. And I watched it like five times, just because it made me feel like I was back in her life for a second. Like we were still something.

I grabbed my jacket from the back of the chair and stared at myself in the mirror. I looked good, decent, at least. But I felt like shit.

What was I even doing?

Was I seriously about to go sit across from someone I didn't care about, make small talk, and pretend like my heart wasn't already full of someone else?

I hated that Michael was right. I had been miserable. But what he didn't get was that I wanted to be miserable if it meant I was still honest about what I felt. I didn't want to fake my way through another night, or flirt just to fill the silence. I didn't want to smile at someone new when the only person I wanted to smile at was sitting in the room next door.

But still, I walked out the door.

I drove with the music low, letting the silence say all the things I didn't want to admit. I thought about turning around three times on the way. Once when I hit a red light and realized I hadn't even asked this girl what her favorite food was. Again when I passed the cafe Maddy and I used to sneak off to when everything in the house got too loud. And a third time—when I parked outside the restaurant and couldn't bring myself to get out of the car.

I stared at the steering wheel and let out a breath.

What was I trying to prove?

That I was over her? That I could move on?

Because the truth was, I couldn't.

I still remembered what her voice sounded like at 2am when she was half-asleep and barely coherent but still tried to tell me about her day. I still remembered how her fingers curled around mine when she was nervous. How she smelled like vanilla and laundry detergent. How I could find her laugh in a crowded room without even trying.

None of that just disappears. Not when it's real.

And now I was about to walk into a restaurant and pretend otherwise.

I leaned my head back against the seat, staring up at the roof of the car like it had the answers I didn't.

If Maddy knew where I was right now... would she care?

Did she really mean it when she smiled and told me to "have fun tonight"?

Because I didn't believe her. Not fully.

There was something in her eyes. A pause in her voice. Just enough hesitation to give me that sliver of hope I keep trying to kill off.

I thought about texting Michael. About telling him I wasn't feeling it. That I couldn't do it. But he'd just roll his eyes and tell me to "man up."

So I stayed in the car a little longer, watching people pass by through the windshield, knowing that somewhere out there was a girl waiting for me to show up to a date I already knew I'd fail at.

And somewhere back home... was the only girl I'd ever actually want to show up for.

⋆˚࿔

quick little Vinnie chapter!!

so clearly Vinnie still only wants Maddy...

I'm so excited to continue writing this book!!!

next chapter coming soon!!