Pretty Vacant

Rotten soul?

It had been 5 weeks since Sid and her had gone outside and Kaya had moved into their house a few days later.
She had quit her job and worked in a record store now.
She was much happier now that she started her life in a new surrounding with new people.
Everything was new.
Finally she had the life she had wished to have for so long.
The guys and her had gotten really close but Johnny however was like her brother and best friend.
She felt like he knew her better than the others.
Even better than Sid.
Sid was special to her tho.
She was madly crushing on him and he seemed to be too.
But nothing had happened between them after the kiss and the walk at night 5 weeks ago.
You could feel tension between them when they looked at each other or were in the same room, but nothing happened.
No touch, no kiss.
Nothing.
She didn't know why.
It just didn't happen.
She wondered if it frustrated him as much as it frustraded her.
Maybe it didn't matter to him.

•

Sid was sitting in his room, staring at the wall.
He would have loved to go over to Kaya now and to talk to her and god knows what else, but he couldn't.
Not because he was shy, he just didn't want his self destruction to affect her.
Sid had been taking drugs for long.
He didn't remember when he started but he knew it was early.
Around 15 or 16, he didn't know anymore.
He had never known anything else tho.
His mother had been taking heroine since he was a baby.
When he told other people they were shocked and pitied him but for him it was normal.
Not a nice normal, a fucked up, ugly normal, but normal.
Sid hadn't grown up in a nice house with a garden and fancy furniture.
He had grown up in an ugly, smelly, rotten flat and the light had never properly worked.
He couldn't even remember ever having clean water there.
And as the other kids grew up to be hardworking, neat students, Sid bothered the lessons, sitting at his desk with dirty clothes swearing around.
He was not dumb and the teachers knew, he knew.
But he liked to act like he was.
They had tried over and over to support him and he could've easily skipped a grade.
But Simon Ritchie, as his real name was, had more and more started to skip school to be at home with his mom because she wasn't able to live on her own anymore.
He had to cook for her and help her in nearly everything.
The drugs had taken over her body.
Simon flew into his own world more and more and eventually became Sid;
Sid Vicious.
The spiky haired, quiet, barely smiling punk with the rotten soul and the same drug habits as his mom.
Everyone in the band knew he had a drug problem but noone ever said something.
At first Johnny did over and over again but he gave up after time.
He didn't want Kaya to know it, he didn't want her to see his rotten soul.
She seemed so innocent and fragile, Sid didn't want to break her.
He found she deserved someone way better than him.
She deserved a loving guy with a clear mind and lovely spirit.
One who could protect her from everything and made her feel save.
One who grew up in lovely circumstances.
Basically one who was the opposite of him.
He lighted a cigarette and blew the smoke through his room, blurring his view.
Mick Jagger looked at him from the other side of the room.
He seemed to be smirking.
As if he tried to say "You got me, you got music, you don't need anything else."
He didn't know if he should agree on that but in that moment it sounded right.
Sid smirked back.

•

Kaya decided to go out, to leave the house for today's evening.
Sid confused her and made her mind spin and it was time to clear her mind.
She had read about a punk party in an old factory about 15 minutes from home.

When she looked in the mirror she was quite satisfied.
She had dressed up in a red chequered skirt and a ripped black shirt, the usual ripped tights and red doc martens.
Yep, a little hairspray here and there and she was ready to go.
When she went downstairs she found only Johnny sitting in the living room, reading a book.
"Where's the others?", she went over to him.
He looked up from his book.
"Well Steve and Paul went to an underground record store and I don't know about Sid. Maybe he went with them, why?"
"Oh I was just interested", she went through her hair.
"Nice outfit by the way. Are you going somewhere?"
"Yup. There's this party in a near factory and I'd like to go."
"Oh nice.", Johnny stood up, "want me to come with you? Punk parties can get quite out of control."
Kaya hesitated.
But then she asked herself why not.
She had never really hung out with him alone and it could be quite fun.
"Errr...yea sure why not."