I never thought that I'd think a person was refreshing, and I'm not talking about that, 'I just took a drink of cold water after playing outside all day long' type of refreshing.
I'm talking about the feeling of fresh bedroom sheets that hug you in...
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Ashton's pov
When we returned home, I graciously gave the girls my bedroom to nap in with the understanding that they would be getting up before I needed to get ready for my date with Joliè.
I planned to spend my afternoon writing down questions for Joliè after having a short session with Dr. Burkmar, so I could speak on some of my heavier questions without spiraling if they were brought up later on.
I'm thankful to have a psychiatrist who's willing to let me disrupt her day when I need reassurance on my decision-making. Some days, a simple text goes a long way, whereas other days, I need to sit and speak in circles until I finally crack the loop that has me stuck inside.
After my session, I came back inside from the patio and went into the living room. I set down my notepad, two Tul-branded gel pens, and a liter-sized bottle of SmartWater then set an alarm on my phone for two hours before I need to start getting ready to leave, then grab my remote and put on a random episode of How To Get Away With Murder, before I sit back on the couch to start my list.
I closed my eyes and gave myself a moment to open my mind. Slow breaths to ground myself before searching for some of my fears for answers on how to continue after being cheated on. The last thing I'd like to do is bring tons of baggage into a new relationship. I've been in sessions working through it, but I have to remind myself that I am still doing that, working.
What if I compare her to Rylee too often? What about the moments my sicknesses show? Will she judge me? Leave me when it inevitably becomes too much to handle?
I sigh as I open my eyes. Write the damn questions down. I roll my eyes at the scolding I gave myself, then start scribbling down the questions as they come.
What ifs:
What if I compare you to Rylee? 𝐼'𝒹 𝒽𝒶𝓉𝑒 𝒾𝒻 𝐼 𝒶𝓁𝓁𝑜𝓌𝑒𝒹 𝓂𝓎𝓈𝑒𝓁𝒻 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝓂𝑜𝓂𝑒𝓃𝓉 𝑜𝒻 𝓌𝑒𝒶𝓀𝓃𝑒𝓈𝓈 𝓌𝒽𝑒𝓃 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓉𝓌𝑜 𝑜𝒻 𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓂 𝒸𝑜𝓊𝓁𝒹𝓃'𝓉 𝒷𝑒 𝓂𝑜𝓇𝑒 𝑜𝓅𝓅𝑜𝓈𝒾𝓉𝑒.
What if I'm manic and I get physical? 𝐼 𝓌𝑜𝓊𝓁𝒹𝓃'𝓉 𝓀𝓃𝑜𝓌 𝓌𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝐼 𝓌𝑜𝓊𝓁𝒹 𝒹𝑜 𝒾𝒻 𝐼 𝒽𝓊𝓇𝓉 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒾𝓃 𝒶𝓃𝓎 𝓉𝓎𝓅𝑒 𝑜𝒻 𝓌𝒶𝓎. 𝐼'𝓂 𝓃𝑜𝓉 𝒷𝓎 𝒶𝓃𝓎 𝓂𝑒𝒶𝓃𝓈 𝓋𝑒𝓇𝓎 𝓅𝒽𝓎𝓈𝒾𝒸𝒶𝓁, 𝒷𝓊𝓉 𝑜𝓃𝑒 𝒷𝒶𝒹 𝒹𝒶𝓎 𝒸𝑜𝓊𝓁𝒹 𝒶𝓁𝓉𝑒𝓇 𝓈𝑜 𝓂𝒶𝓃𝓎 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑔𝓈.
What if you can't reach me for an entire day? 𝒮𝑜𝓂𝑒𝓉𝒾𝓂𝑒𝓈 𝒷𝑒𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝑜𝓃 𝓂𝓎 𝓅𝒽𝑜𝓃𝑒 𝒾𝓈 𝓉𝑜𝑜 𝓂𝓊𝒸𝒽 𝒶𝒻𝓉𝑒𝓇 𝒶𝓅𝓅𝑜𝒾𝓃𝓉𝓂𝑒𝓃𝓉𝓈, 𝑜𝓋𝑒𝓇𝓈𝓉𝒾𝓂𝓊𝓁𝒶𝓉𝒾𝓃𝑔. 𝐼 𝓃𝑒𝑒𝒹 𝓉𝑜 𝓈𝒽𝓊𝓉 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓌𝑜𝓇𝓁𝒹 𝑜𝓊𝓉 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒽𝒾𝒹𝑒 𝒶𝓌𝒶𝓎.
