What We Are - N.H

Fifty Three

Within the last week and a half, talk of Ethan's famous house party had come back up. Calls had been made and texts had been sent with the list of the 'lucky' people invited.

MABEL'S P.O.V
"Come on Mabel, you have to come" Freya begged down the phone,"Ethan really wants you to come and it won't be the same without youuuu" she wined, trying to persuade me to change my mind.

The invite to Ethan's near coming party had been playing on my mind for a few days now, I wasn't sure whether it would be a good idea to attend seeing as we were only just getting back onto good ground.

"I don't know.." I huffed, my fingers pulling at the bit of duvet that was resting on my leg, "I want to go but then I don't know if I should, I mean I don't even know if I'm wanted there for gods sake."

"I'm not being funny Mabel, but if he didn't want you to be there, you wouldn't have been invited" she laughed. I knew she was right but I didn't want to give in.

"I guess..." I started to say before I was cut off,

"MABELLLLL" mum shouted up the stairs. Within seconds of the first shout, she called up again, this time, so much louder, "YOU NEED TO COME AND GET YOUR MEDICINE."

"look freya, I have to go. I'll call you back later" without giving her a chance to reply, I hung up and carelessly tossed my phone onto the bed behind me.

"I'm coming now" I tried to shout as I heard the door open, I knew she was going to shout again.

I made my way down the stairs and into the kitchen. I opened the cupboard and reached for my meds, which weren't in their usual place.

"Mum," I called, "mum, have you seen my pills? They aren't in the cupboard", huffing I rummaged more thoroughly, pulling and shoving boxes of plasters and painkillers out of my way, not caring where they went. Still no sign of these god-dammed pills.

"Mum - hello" I shouted getting more angry, "for fuck sake can't you hear me?" I grabbed a box of vitamins that was close to my hand and chucked it to the other side of the kitchen, cursing under my breath.

Maybe I did need to go to the party, just to clear my head. I hadn't been out of the house properly for at least a week and a half and that was just to go to the doctors, besides, I couldn't even remember the last party I had been too.

Slowly, as I began to calm down, I tried to clear up pretty much the whole contents of our medical cupboard that I had aggressively disposed of in various directions in my short tantrum only seconds ago. I decided it be best to worry about medicine when mum and I were both in better moods, so I walked back upstairs and jumped into bed again, grabbing my phone and placing it on the table beside me.

I picked up the nearby remote for the television, and switched it on.

"teen heart throbs smash chart records as their debut album 'Up All Night' rockets to no.1" read the banner rolling across the bottom of the screen as pictures of the boys flashed up.

Damn it, he's literally everywhere, I can't get away from him for a bloody second, let alone a day. It's like I mean nothing anymore, like I never even existed. Seeing him look so comfortable in that environment with thousands of girls all around him, all the cameras, just made me think that we were just a waste of time, that our whole relationship may as well have just been a joke.

Who am I kidding? I bet he doesn't even think about me, I'm sure he's probably found someone new, some rich blonde who can give him so much more than I ever could. I hope he has though, to be honest. He deserves so much more than this world can give him, that's partly why I gave him up. Sometimes it's better to do what's best for the person you love than what's best for you.

Just as I began to dose off again, the loud sound of my phone vibrating on the wooden table startled me, causing me to sit up abruptly.

"Hey Mabel, your mum gave me a call and said you've been feeling stressed recently, is there anything I can do to try and help un-stress you? xx" it was from Ross. We had been texting back and forth, on and off, for the past week and a bit since my last appointment with him.

"thanks for the concern, but there's nothing really you can do. Know any antidotes for a broken heart?xx" I sent back. It was nice to have someone who actually cares about me, not because they have to but because they want to, and him being my doctor, he was really expected to.

Yes, I'd had frequent check up texts from Harry and the boys and from my close girls, sometimes even a few from Niall, but that was only because they all felt like they had to care about me. I don't even know why tho, I've been such a terrible friend to them, I wouldn't blame them if they all just carried on with their lives without me.

Within seconds of my reply, my phone buzzed again in my lap.
"Try moving on?? I don't really know but I've never had mine broken thank god, but seriously, if you can think of anything, I'd be happy to help xx" Suddenly I had an idea and quickly typed it into the message box, I wasn't sure if it was a good idea but it was worth a try, I think maybe I could use his advise and move on, god knows I need too.

"Thanks for the wise words, I think I can think of something that would help as well tho, fancy coming to a party with me this weekend?xx" I pressed send and instantly regretted it.

* * *

NIALL'S P.O.V
It's been so hard. I'm not going to lie and say it hasn't. It's been so painful and so long, this time away from her.

I hate this feeling, it's just a feeling of emptiness and nothingness. I feel alone. It's the worst feeling in the world, knowing that every night I'm going to bed without her next to me, to hold and to keep safe.

I'm not going to say that the explosion of One Direction hasn't partly taken my mind of it, with all the shows and press and interviews I've barely had time to think about it. But when I do it's during the night, when I feel at my worst.

The nights feel even longer when I know that she's not beside me and that she could be laying with someone else and talking about god knows what, but not talking to me. I'm sure she is with someone else tho, I bet on it. She's to beautiful to waste, I know that best of all.

I just hope that he is kind and loving, and can give her all that I couldn't. She deserves so much, more than I gave and I can't forgive myself for that.

"Niall?? Hey? Hello? Is there anyone in there?!!" Harry shouted as he clicked his finger in front of my face, snapping me out of my day dream.

"Sorry, I was just having a moment" I pretended to laugh, "what were you saying?"

"We were just talking about Ethan's party this weekend, you are coming right??" Louis asked.

"Corse" I said back, "wouldn't miss it for the world."

AUTHORS NOTE:
can't even say how sorry I am for the late (if you could say that) update. I haven't really been in the writing mood recently so I haven't felt the urge to write anything.

I was planning on updating last week and I had written the whole chapter but unfortunately my wattpad crashed and I lost over 550 words so it took the last few days of writing to manage to update now.

I'm hoping I'm going to try and get back into the habit of updating regularishly and I really hope you like this chapter.

It's going to get a bit more beefy soon so please keep reading.
Love to everyone xxx