What We Are - N.H

Forty Nine

MABEL'S P.O.V

I had to leave him a note. Something to tell him that I wouldn't be present for the day. I was pretty sure he'd be glad to have me leave. I've caused enough damage already, done despicable things and he doesn't deserve to be pu through the disgusting way I have treated him. Leaving him is the least I can do, for now I'll just go and hopefully be able to come back here later, and have him waiting, his welcoming arms open for me to run into.

But I know that its all just a vision I have of a perfect world. This world isn't perfect, far from it; and now, I'm sinking lower and lower, almost telling my self that I don't want to be part of this imperfect land full of judgmental people who will always be better than you.

I can't act in this way, like everythings fine, when all I have done was about me and no-one else. I haven't been thinking about how anyone else has been feeling. It's all been about me.

I've gone out. I hope you had a good night. I'll be back by 6:00.

I love you xx

Just writing those words broke me even more.

I love you.

I knew I did, but the fact of knowing that he might not feel the same shattered my heart. Waking up this morning, I felt so lonely. Not being in his warm embrace, not having the feeling of safety and security that I get when his arms are around me.

I needed to leave the apartment, just to give him space, me space. Although it was still early, I had to go, anywhere but here. I couldn't fall back asleep like I usually can when I'm distressed; I would be warm and wrapped up, with him running his fingers through my hair and telling me that everything will be alright.

But it isnt, it isn't alright, and I don't know if it ever will be again.

Once I was dressed, I quietly leaned over the bed and kissed his relaxed cheek; making sure to show him my love and affection in the time that I had left to show it. Slowly, his eyes opened and his arm quickly flew out, wrapping his hand around my wrist. He began to pull me into his warm body and, as tempting as it was, I rejected his loving gesture; pulling my hand away from his.

A gentle moan escaped his mouth and I could tell that he was still intoxicated from the night before as the smell of liquor was evident in every small breath. I quietly shuffled away from the bed, sleepy Niall is such a beautiful sight and I just wanted to jump into the bed and cuddle with him all day, but I had to go. He's still drunk and probably doesn't even realise who I am.

I quickly grabbed my jacket and walked towards the door, grabbing my keys and phone; just in case he decides to call for me later, which I highly doubt.

* * *

I've been walking aimlessly for hours. Not knowing where to go. My arms were stinging and I was cold. Maybe this want such a good idea.

"hey!!" a voice called from behind me, making me jump, it was deffinately a male as far as I could tell. I decided to carry on walking and shivering, someone must have mistaken me for someone they knew, and liked.

"Hello!! Mabel....over here" they called again, I looked in the direction of the voice, it sounded somwhat familiar. As I turned my body to face the caller, a big black range rover pulled onto the curb next to me and the window winded down. Instantly my heart started beating double speed and I began to feel butterflies swirling in my stomach.

It was only bloody Ethan Richard's.

"erm hi" I nervously said, looking around and making sure there weren't any paps around to take any pictures of us together.