The Kyle Game

Chapter 1| Petty Warfare

Stan's POV

I sat at the lunch table with my three friends as we ate our pizza. "You have tomato sauce on your face Jew," Cartman said. "His name is Kyle," I spat in reply. "And he's a Jew," Cartman replied. "Yeah, but you could call him by his name," I replied with aggravation. "Someone's on their period," Cartman retorted. "Shut up fatass," Kyle said. Kenny who was sitting next to Kyle leaned over and licked the tomato sauce off of his cheek. "Kenny!" Kyle yelled while pushing him away. "There it's gone now," Kenny replied with a smirk. "Gay," Cartman commented. "You could've just handed him a napkin," I replied somewhat angrily.

"But that was more fun," Kenny said devilishly. I didn't appreciate Kenny doing such sexual things to Kyle, it was making him feel awkward. In response to Kenny's creepiness Kyle moved towards me and I felt my heart skip a beat. "Hey Kyle," Cartman said. "Yeah?" Kyle replied. "You're a dick," Cartman sneered. "Where the fuck did that come from?" Kyle asked angrily. "Just thought I'd let you know you're a dick," Cartman said.

I looked at Cartman in confusion. His sneers and remarks about Kyle are normally more creative than that and don't just come out of no where. "I'll be right back," Kyle said while standing up from his seat. He then walked towards the door of the lunchroom. "Kyle has one nice ass," Kenny said. "You're telling me," Cartman agreed. "Dude! What the fuck?!" I said in confusion. "I-I mean Kyle is such an ass!" Cartman stuttered nervously. Kenny rolled his eyes at Cartman. "I said Kyle has a sweet ass," Kenny replied dully.

"Wait are you gay?" I asked. "No I'm pan. I told you guys like three months ago!" Kenny replied with aggravation. "You did?" Cartman questioned. "Yes!" Kenny replied. "Oh, weren't listening," Cartman replied carelessly while buying into his pizza. "You said Kyle had a nice ass too," Kenny said. "I did not! I thought you said he was an ass!" Cartman replied angrily with his cheeks flushing with red. "Oh my God, you guys both have a crush on Kyle!" I exclaimed. "No!" Cartman yelled in response. He was lying and it was very obvious. "Guiltily," Kenny said in a very feminine voice. "Fine..." Cartman admitted embarrassedly.

"You do too," Kenny said to me. I felt my face become warm and my heart beat faster. "Hey fellas," Butters greeted. "Shut up Butters," we all sneered in unison. "Oh ok," he said while walking away. "See, you're blushing," Kenny mocked. "No I'm not!" I replied embarrassedly. "Dude, Cartman admitted it, you can too," Kenny said. "Ok fine," I sighed. "I knew you were a fag!" Cartman laughed while pointing at me. "You like him too dumbass," I replied. "Yeah but I'm only half fag. I'm bisexual," Cartman said proudly.

"Well, we all like him so who gets him?" I asked. "Me," Kenny said. "Why you?" Cartman asked. "Because I'm the sexiest," Kenny said while flipping his hair. "Well, me and Kyle have an important bond!" Cartman yelled. "But I'm closest to him. I know things about him that none of you will ever know," I replied. "We'll just have to see who he picks," Kenny said. "And he'll pick me!" Cartman said while jabbing his finger at his chest. "Please, you're a fat tub of racism and you're a poor sex maniac. I'm his best friend, is this really a competition?" I questioned.

"Ok I'm back," Kyle said while sitting back in his seat. Kenny immediately slid nearer to him. I glared at him and put my hand around his slender waist and pulled him to my side. Kenny shot me an angry look while Kyle stared at me in confusion with red coding his entire face. 

"Oh come on you guys this isn't fair!" Cartman exclaimed angrily. "Shut up fatass, life isn't fair," I responded. "What isn't fair?" Kyle asked confusedly. "Nothing you need to worry about," Kenny said in a seductive voice while caressing Kyle's exposed hair. Kyle's face turned even redder and then jumped up from the ringing of the bell. "Ok, got to go!" Kyle said while rushing away with his tray. "That wasn't fair! I was on the other side of the table!" Cartman whined. "Too bad fatass," Kenny said while grabbing his tray and walking away. Cartman then grabbed his tray as well and rushed off to meet Kyle.

I picked up my tray and looked up to see a girl with long orange hair eyeing me from the next table. She looked as if she was plotting something. I looked back at her in confusion and turned around so that I could catch up with Kyle and the others but before I could walk away I heard her say something. "Petty warfare," she giggled. I turned back to her. "We're you talking to me?" I asked. She smirked and walked away.