The Silent Snow

Chapter 4

Chapter 4

-Kristen’s POV-

March 6, 2013

“I am a war inside,

I am a battle line,

I am the rising tide,

I am the war, I cry,

Eyes open, open wide,

I can feel it like a crack in my spine,

I can feel like the back of my mind,

I am the war inside.”

I listened to the words of Switchfoot’s song The War Inside, and I realized it was exactly what I felt like.  Like there was a war inside of me.  Like my insides were splitting apart, and my left didn’t know if it was left or right, and my right didn’t know up from down.  I am crumbling, and even though I say that I am ‘fine’, I’m really not.

As I continue to jog down the street, I look at the familiar houses and parks.  So full of memories…so full of life.  So why do I feel dead inside?  Mum and Dad will always be that to me – my parents.  But that still didn’t stop the procession of thoughts in my head.  Who are my real parents?  Who is my twin?  What is are they like?  The cop had told me that they weren’t together anymore, and that I had a twin brother and one older brother.  But he didn’t include names.  So I have no idea how to contact them.  He said that once he got in contact with them, he would let me know.  But the most important, and unanswered question, that assaulted my mind like a storm cloud was Will they want me?

Yea, that may be a silly question.  I mean, they are looking for me!  But, what I mean is, is after they know me, will they realize that their lives were just fine, and that I am just another person.  Another person that will come and go – another burden.  I just don’t want to be a burden, and that has honestly always been my deepest fear.  I hate it when any adult is upset with me, and when I can’t help a friend in need.  I used to argue about this with my parents actually.  I would never have time to do my homework because I was ‘too busy’ helping out a friend, or volunteering at the local daycare.  I don’t care about my needs, only about others.

As I reach my parent’s door – I decided to stay with them for a bit –, another thought crosses my mind.  One that I never thought of...what if they try to sue my parents?  What if they try to take me away from them!?  That stopped me dead in my tracks.  Be taken away from the only parents I know?  Never.  I would never let that happen.

Entering the kitchen, I see the common bowl of fruit on the table and pick out a shiny green apple.  Biting into the soft flesh of the crispy fruit, the tangy juices squirt into my mouth.  I take my dietary supplement pills, for after exercising, and proceed to the shower.

Showers are wonderful, ya know?  They make you sound like a professional singer, they clean you, and they help you solve all of lives problems – even if the solutions are farfetched.  I remember one time I was worrying about a bullying problem, and my solution from the shower was that I take all my gum, blow one HUGE bubble, and trap the bully in there – meaning that if she popped it, she would be a hot sticky mess.  Yea, never was able to carry that one out!

I giggle at the memory, and then dry my body off.  I throw on some comfy sweats and an oversize sweater, and go downstairs.

“Kristen, can you come here for a moment?” My dad asks.  I freeze and stutter a reply.  I go into the kitchen, and I see both my parents sitting at the table, head in their hands.  Oh no, it can’t be good.  I slowly sit down into my chair, and sit there in silence – when they’re ready, they’ll talk; I’ve learnt that if you’re silent, you will have a better chance at a civilized conversation.

“So…” my mum starts, “that was the cop that just called.”  This sparks my interest, and I sit a little straighter.  I was very curious to what he had to say.  Maybe I wouldn’t have to meet my birth parents; maybe this would all just go away.

“He said that he spoke with your birth parents, and-and…and they want to meet with you.  Here.  At the house.”  My dad said slowly.  Well there goes my theory, I could almost see its rear end escape out the blasted window.

“When?” I ask.

“Next month.  Their one son is on-is a traveller, and that is when it works for him.”

“That sounds a little, conceited don’t you think? ‘Oh look at me!  I am a traveller, and you must only travel when I am available!’” I mock.  Yea, I am a bit bitter, I have always wanted to travel, but have never been able to leave Canada.

“Hun-“

“I know mum, I’m sorry.  I shouldn’t be bitter about their so-my brother.” I say and correct myself.

“I know it’s hard Krissy, but you’ll get through it, and we’ll always be here.  They sound like very nice people.”

“Dad, don’t you mean ‘they sound like very nice people that want to take Kristen away’.  I don’t know why I’m acting like this, I’m sorry.  I guess I’m just nervous, and almost wished I had never known.”  I get up from the table, and put my palms down on the cool surface, leaning on them.  “Can I watch a movie with Andi?” I ask.  My parents nod, and I climb back up the stairs up to her room.

I knock and the door, and she opens it slowly. “What?” she says sleepily.

“Were you napping?” I ask.  I get a slow nod from her and a mumbled yes.  “Well, I was wondering if you wanted to watch a movie with me.”

“Sure, which one?”

“How about a Lord of the Rings marathon?”

“Kris, that isn’t one movie, but sure!  But the Hobbit goes first eh?”

“So Canadian eh?” I tease. “And of course! The Hobbit has to go first!  I mean, I must see my baby Killi!”  We giggle at that, and I go back downstairs (blasted stairs, why can’t we get an elevator?) to get the movies.  Once I get back up to the top of the stairs – which I am beginning to dislike VERY much – I grab my laptop from my room, and go back to Andi’s room.

“Kris?  Wouldn’t it be cool if you became famous?!”

“Well that was random!” I smiled, “but, yea, I guess.  I mean, it would be pretty amazing to meet all these great people.  But…”

“But…”

“But you don’t get any privacy!  I mean, all those girls, swarming around One Direction’s houses.  All the people who would do anything to get one photo, like that one pap that died trying to get a shot of Justin Bieber’s car.  I mean, it would never end.”

“So…it would be awesome minus creepy fans and paparazzi?”

I nodded “I guess so.”

“That makes sense though.”  Andi looked around the room and announced that she was going to get snacks.  But her question made me think.  As much as I would love to be famous, it would be so tiring.  Always having to seem perfect, I honestly don’t know how the stars do it!