The Chaos Of A Brokenheart

VI

Tatlong araw na ang lumipas ngunit wala pa rin akong naririnig na kahit ano mula sa kanya. Walang txt, message o kahit na paramdam man lang.

That little green circle, everytime I see that, that gives me torture. Everytime I am seeing that he's online but he's not bothering to leave any message to me. It kills me. Gusto kong mag message at magtxt but I don't want to look so desperate and pathetic. Pride na lang ang meron ako alangan naman na pati yun itapon ko na lang diba.

I sighed. Low battery na ang phone ko. Nilapag ko na lang yun. Ayoko ng mag charge. Why would I? Sa totoo lang nawawalan na talaga ng use ang phone pag single ka, maybe some would disagree pero sa akin ganun ang lagay cause I'd rather spend my day reading these new John Green books rather than torture myself checking his profile and his messenger.

This is the worst feeling ever. Missing him but has to act as if you don't fckn care. Wanting to talk to him but knowing he doesn't want to so you'll just have to shut the fck up.

I just read 'The Fault In Our Stars' there are some lines wherein I wanted to breakdown. Some of these are:

"Sometimes people don't understand the promises they're making when they make them," I said.

Isaac shot me a look. "Right, of course. But you keep the promise anyway. That's what true love is. Love is keeping the promise anyway. Don't you believe in true love?"

Are they trying to tell me that Jake didn't kept his promises because what he felt for me is not true love? Sht!

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt,"

Maybe tells something why I am feeling this way.

Babalik ka pa ba Jake? Hinihintay pa rin kita alam mo yun? Naghihintay pa rin ako! Just come back to me and I'll take you wholeheartedly. Gusto kong bumalik ka na parang ayaw ko naman.

Gusto ko kasi I really want to be with you. I really wants us to be together. I've been planning to spend the rest of my life with you.

Ayoko kasi baka di talaga tayo ang para sa isa't isa. Baka di pa ngayon. Maybe someday pag tama na ang mali at dapat na ang di dapat.

Kung tayo talaga God will find a way.

Sino bang niloloko ko? Hindi ganto ang nararamdaman ko! Ang nararamdaman ko ay sakit. Nagsisikip ang dibdib ko sa tuwing naiisip ko at naalala kong tapos na kami at hindi niya na ako babakikan. Sinong niloloko ko na okay ako at ang lahat ng nangyayari?

Sht! Pati sarili ko pina-plastic ko.

This is ridiculous. I need to see him. I need to talk the talk.

Kagaya nga ng sinabi ko kanina, andito ako sa tapat ng bahay nila. Di ako sigurado kung bahay nila to pero nung tinanong ko ang ilang nga kaibigan namin parang ganito naman yung daan at pagkaka-describe, so guess this is the house.

I knocked the door. May babaeng lumabas nasa bandang na 40s ata. "Is Jake there?" I asked her.

"Walang Jake na nakatira dito," with that she left. Hindi ito ang bahay nila?! Where the hell could it be? Sht!

Mga ilang minuto pa akong nanatili dun. Baka naman kasi di lang kami nagkaintindihan nung Ale. Maya maya pa ay may gate na bumukas, di sa harap ko. Sa tabi nung bahay na kinatatayuan ko.

Kitang kita sa mukha niya ang gulat. "What the! Anong ginagawa mo rito?" Mabilis siyang lumapit sa akin at hinila ako palayo sa lugar na iyon.

"We have to talk Jake, you see we have some misunderstandings maybe we could somehow fix this if we will just talk. I'll make it up to you."