Emergent: A Divergent Fanfic

Peter

             I don't know how, but Caleb managed to talk me into doing the suicide mission myself. I know I have a zero chance of survival. I'm not Divergent like Tris, or Tobias, or Uriah. I'm normal, I'm me. But I don't want that. I had a struggling life. And if there's a 90% chance of me dying, I want to tell someone about it. "You're probably going to ask why I'm doing this." I say. Caleb shrugs. 

             "Not really. Abnegation are not curious." I raise an eyebrow. 

             "Guess those Stiff roots go deep down, huh?" He wrinkles his nose.

             "Why do you say that?" 

             "Say what?" 

             "You know, Stiff. How does that have any connection to Abnegation citizens?" I laugh.

            "You really have no clue, do you? Abnegation are just so....stiff. There's no other way to put it. The whole selfless, quiet, zero confidence thing, ya know? Anyways, it's Dauntless slang. Doesn't matter anymore." We're quiet for a minute, and I'm guessing he's probably remembering his dead parents, his old faction and his new, choosing day and all of our previous misadventures in the city. 

            "How was it for you?" I look at him.

             "How was your life, I mean. In Candor, in Dauntless, discovering all this outside the fence." I take a breath.

             "It was okay, I guess. My parents didn't really give me the time of day. My father: a workaholic. My mother: an alcoholic. The house was always a mess, since nobody ever cleaned up. At school, I was friends with the jerks, and even though they treated me the same way my parents did, one thing changed. People started staying out of my way, were scared of me. I had a reputation, for once. And then Choosing Day came, and I knew I had to chose Dauntless. It was my perfect match, all along. It was where I belonged, I knew. Just got put into the wrong place at the wrong time, I guess. So I did, I chose Dauntless, because that was my true home. I thought I was right, at first. I worked so hard, but then your stiff sister started boosting in training, and I knew that I had to make my presence known. I'm not just some guy that sits back. I'm not just some self-confident bastard. I'm not somebody you want to mess around with, you know? So, I started with Edward. First stage, he was up at Rank 1. So maybe, if I convinced him he didn't belong here, he wasn't strong enough, he'd drop into the factionless like a fly. If he wasn't physically able to be a Dauntless member, they wouldn't even let him stay till the Final Stage. And it worked. But then Tris boosted up in the 1st rank, and I knew that if I wanted to uphold my reputation, I had to try harder. And then I noticed Al. Initiation had really taken its toll on him: puffy eyes, pale face, loss of appetite. One day, I came out of the showers, and I saw Tris & Al sitting on a bed, talking. Tris was trying to cheer him up, but I could tell by the tone of his voice he was jealous, he was angry. Tris was doing so much better than him, an Abnegation transfer, and nobody else was doing as good as her. So after she left, I plotted with Al. That night, we would ambush her by the chasm and....you know the works. The Dauntless would probably figure she had fell or jumped into the chasm, a common Dauntless thing. And it had almost worked, until Four came and I realized I was wrong, dead wrong about who I was and why I was in Dauntless. 

            "Maybe I really only belonged in Candor. Maybe I really was only a stuck-up bastard. I had been about to become factionless myself, before the attack happened, and Dauntless split up into two groups: the Erudite loyalists and the Dauntless loyalists. I went to Erudite, wanting to prove to Jeanine that I had what she wanted, that I was her man. And then maybe, just maybe, I would be able to really prove to everyone who I was, and show them my true self. It wouldn't be like Dauntless, where I had thought I had everything right and then I ruined my reputation, no; it would be Peter Hayes, Jeanine's right hand man and loyal advisor. I provided her with vital information about Tris, feeding her to her death little pieces at a time, because I knew I owed her nothing, meant nothing to her. But Evelyn came, and the factionless took over, and I knew I had no choice but to leave the city and explore outside the fence. We came upon all of this, and I have to admit, I wasn't that surprised. It's all the same: one group looking for power meets another with the same goal, and catastrophe strikes. There's no way out of it; just a never-ending circle of chaos and madness. We've made our nightmares into realities, and we'll never be able to fix it. That's just the way the world is, I guess. Cruel reality. Cruel life." Caleb shakes his head.

             "That's not true. We can still try to stop them. We can go back, fix everything. You'll get your Candor back, I'll get my Abnegation back. Those peaceful, harmless creatures in their plain Abnegation houses, they don't deserve this. None of us do. We can defend them, we can try to save them, we can get back what's rightfully ours. I know we can." 

            "You don't understand," I say. "It's all gone. Remember what they told us? An experiment gone wrong. We're just test subjects, Caleb. We don't matter to them. We never meant anything, we never will. We can't fix anything, because this is the way it's meant to be." He looks at me, straight in the eye. 

            "You don't know that. You don't know it for sure. If we're determined, if we're brave, then we can do it-" I cut him, feeling my blood heating up. He doesn't get it.

            "And how could you know? You're just a lousy, weak coward from Abnegation! You don't know anything about this, you don't get anything about any of it! It's gone, Caleb. They're all gone. We can try to save them, we can try to complete this suicide mission, but it's always gonna come back. There's always gonna be chaos, there's always gonna be destruction. What can we do about that? The factions were only able to hold their peace for so long. If most of these other experiments didn't work, then there's no hope. There's no hope!" I can feel my lungs aching, can hear my heart pounding in my ear. I stop walking, and I look at Caleb. I realize I've been too harsh on him. He can't handle it, the way Tris would be able to. He really is an Abnegation, if he doesn't get it after going around and around too many times. I try again, softening my voice. "I'm sorry, Caleb. It's gone." He looks down, and nods. I sigh. "But if it helps, I'm still doing the suicide mission." He looks back up, and nods. We keep walking. Sometimes I wish I was an Abnegation, so I wouldn't have to deal with the harsh truth.