Almost Everything

Chapter 21

"Shit." Olivia jumped out of my arms. I hazily opened my eyes, the early morning sun blinding me. Rubbing my eyes with my fists, pulling back the blanket, I sat up slowly. Swinging my legs round to touch the floor. My senses slowly awakening to their full functioning order.  Olivia was running around frantically, cleaning up the empty wine bottle and glasses from las night. She picked her dress from the floor which she wore last night right in front of me, and then it was like she finally remembered I was here.
"You need to leave, now." Her voice panicked and filled with urgency. She scrambled up my clothes and threw them at me.  I looked at her for a few moments, her hair tucked behind her ears. Her breathing heavy, she was almost panting. She wore a white slip from last night. It had a few blood stains, where the blood from her knuckles must have sunk through her dress. Her eye makeup casting black shadows under her eyes. Her bold red lipstick smudged from the corners of her mouth. Her clean white bandage on her right hand.  Something wasn't right about this situation.
"Alex...." Her eyes searching mine, but I couldn't hear her. All could hear was this ringing in my ears. She snapped her fingers in my face.
"Whoa. Baby what's the rush? I was thinking maybe we could have breakfast and talk?"
"No you need to go now. Right now."
"Liv, what are you not telling me? Why do I have to leave right now?" I queried her. Pulling my shirt on, beginning to button it up. Running my hands through my dishevelled hair.
"Look, I just really need you to leave."  Her voice now frantic. She was so upset, and I was going to leave without her telling me why.
"If this about last night..." but she cut me off before I had a chance to finish.
"No, last night was great. It's just..... It can't happen again." I stood up, cupping her cheek with the palm of my hand. She pulled back from my touch. Handing me my trousers, I took them from her.
"Liv, what is the matter?" I pulled my trousers up, the zipper filling the silence between us.  I looked her square in the eye and I could tell there was something she wasn't telling me.  "Olivia, after everything we have been through there is no room for secrets." I cupped her chin with my hand, gentle lifting her head so she looked me in the eyes.
"And nor should there be." She spoke quietly. Her eyes still avoiding mine.
"Then what are you not telling me?" I asked.
"Nothing, I just really need you to leave."
"Why?!"
"Because, this feeling of guilt trickling through my body I unbearable. I can't do this." She threw her hands up in the air, on the verge of tears.   "I have a boyfriend Alex. And right now you need to leave because he's on his way."  I'd be lying if I said I wasn't heartbroken right now. I was trying so hard to put on a brave face but it was defiantly the hardest thing to do right now. I was angry and hurt. But then I realised that this stabbing feeling in my chest is how he feels every time she sees me and Arielle.  "Last night was amazing. More than I could ever wish for, but...."
"Then the sun came up and reality set in." I said. Finishing her sentence for her.
"I know it's hard for you, but..."
"Is it serious? How long has this been happening."
"Yes, this is serious. I met him the first night I came to London and it's gone from there." She whispered. That's four months, they've been together for four months whilst I played happy couple with Arielle.
"Do you love him?"
"No the way I love you," she stroked the side of my face with the back on her hand.
"That's not what I asked."
"Yes I do.  I have a light, clean love for Louis. But with you it's dark and twisting. It consumes me. It like a whirl wind and all I can see is you. You remember when you asked me what I wanted.  And I told you that I wanted your sleepy look in the morning, I wanted to be the warmth that fills the space in your bed." She took both of my hands in hers.
"Yes, I do."
"I didn't tell you the whole truth. I want all of that. But I don't want to have to share you. And when I'm not there you have feelings for her. The same way I have feelings for Louis when you're not here. But we can't live like this. You said so yourself that you were going to hurt me. Just like right now I'm hurting you. But you remember that you are my person okay?" she wiped a tear from her cheek. "You are my person and you will always be my person. I will always be there if you need anything."

I let go of her hands, them falling back to her sides. I placed a kiss on the top of her head. "Don't let anyone tell you you're not powerful. You're the most powerful woman I know." Almost chocking on my words.
"It's taking all the power to walk away from you." As tears pricked in her eyes.
"I know, but I need to let you go. You need to let go." I took a step back from her.
"I will always love you."  She whispered. Gosh this was harder than I thought. Today I thought I was going to break up with Arielle and finally get to be with Olivia the love of my life. But now I'm saying goodbye to her. Again. It feels like we do nothing but say goodbye these days.
"I will always love you." I picked up my jacket and walked out of her apartment.
I hung my head low as I walked back to the hotel. Olivia's words echoing in my mind, "You are my person." How could she say that when she is clearly falling for this other man. I don't deserve to be her person. But god alone knows she will always be mine.  My mind cloudy from all that just happened and last night. I could still feel her soft skin against mine. Her finger intertwined whilst she slept.

_/\_/\/\_

"Alex where the hell have you been? I was so worried. You didn't answer my calls, you were out all night. Oh my god you've got blood on your shirt. Baby are you okay what happened?"  Arielle cried as soon as I walked through the hotel room door. I wave my hand to dismiss her, but she kept on at me.

"What is this 20 questions?!" I practically shouted. Tearing my jacket off, throwing it on the bed.

"That's not your blood. Is it?" she questioned me.

"Well done Einstein." I said bluntly.

"You were with her again weren't you?"

"What?"

"Olivia." I looked at her shocked. I had no words. "Oh you think I didn't know? How fucking stupid do you think I am?

// Oohh cliff hanger! This chapter didn't really go how I planned but I'm pretty pleased with it. I'm sorry if you feel that that past few chapters have been pretty much the same. I promise just give me a few more chapters and things will be different!\\