Almost Everything

Chapter 33

He had filled that emptiness inside of me, and I depend on him for it. I crave him because he makes me feel whole again. And without even realising it, I fell for him like a domino. I fell so hard I hadn't even realised it was happening. And now he's gone, and he has taken the part he had filled in me with him. And now I'm empty again. He's across the world and I'm here in this empty office looking out the window at this lifeless city, listening to the rain hitting the windowpane. I know it was me who pushed him away. I encouraged him to go on tour without me. I thought it would help us. Help me. I didn't want to have to depend on him. But I was wrong. I thought I could cope but I can't. Every time I see a picture of him surround by other girls it pulls on my heart strings. It rips them to shreds. But I can't say anything because he's only doing what I told him to do. I told him that I needed more time before we went public. It hasn't been long since he was in a relationship with Arielle. Everybody else thinks that I was in love with Louis. Don't get me wrong I was in love with him. I still I am. But not like a love with Alex. When Alex and I are together nothing else matters. Everything just seems to make sense and I can be happy again. I closed my eyes, resting my head on the back of the chair and thought about one of our first ever dates. He had offered to take me out to dinner, he said that nobody could question our appearance together if we went to dinner.

*Flash Back*

I heard a strong knock against my door. I slowly got up and made my way towards the door, dragging my feet. I looked through the peep hole to check who it was, much to my surprise it was Alex. Even though I had called him over an hour ago to cancel our plans. I had left him a message to insure he would know. I opened the door, he stood there dressed in his leather jacket, white shirt and black skinny jeans. Typically wearing his Chelsea boots and his sunglasses tucked down his shirt by his chest even though it was dark outside and there was no reason for him to be wearing them at all. He wore his stupid smile that literally drove me crazy, not that I would ever tell him that. His smile soon faded when he saw what I was wearing. I was wearing my pj's as I wasn't expecting to see him this evening.

"I called to tell you that I was cancelling, I even left you a message." I told him, I wouldn't look him in the eyes, those stupidly delicious brown eyes that I loved more than life itself.

"I know, I ignored it." He said sternly. I quickly glanced up to see him staring at me. His eyes burning hole in my bare chest.

"I don't think I'm going to go....." I spoke but he cut me off before I had a chance to finish.

"It's always two steps forwards then one step backwards with you.

"I have a lot of work to do and I'm really tired..." I explained but again he began to talk over me.

"You are afraid. Of me. Of the unknown. Of what this is." he looked at me, I felt exposed in my skimpy pj's. I folded my arms across my chest in the hope to cove myself a little more.

"You seem like a really great guy, and maybe I'm just," I paused trying to find the right words. "I had a relationship with a guy and I'm not over it. I don't know how to judge things anymore. What's good or what's bad. Somebody mentioned to me not 20 minutes ago on the phone and i..i..i think about him, I worry about him, I wouldn't be on a date with you. He is in my head all of the time." I laughed, because I've only just admitted it not only to myself but to him that I cannot stop thinking of him all of the god dam time.

He took a step closer to me. "Close your eyes" he spoke quietly.

"w..w..what?" I asked.

"Close. You. Eyes. Olivia." He said again.

"Why?" I asked again.

"You don't know me. I might be the worst guy in the world. Or I might be the best. Whoever I am I like you. I like you a lot. I like how you say what whenever you answer the phone, how you always seem to be wearing white, how wine seems to be a food group for you. I like that you know who you are and that you fix everyone around you. But you seem sad to me Olivia, I like you but you seem so sad. And if you let me then maybe I can help you not be so sad, because whatever happened to you, whoever happened to you, already happened. That's done. So maybe I can help you start a fresh, maybe I'm your do over." I laughed at him, how can one man be so cocky? "Because Olivia you deserve a do over. So close your eyes. Close, your, eyes.