A MAHABHARATA RETELLING
~~~
All the other flowers in the garden were brought up to envy the rose. Maybe shun it even. And admire it, too.
Unusual ways. Too-red petals, too-sharp thorns, too-sweet fragrance.
If only each flower did not have a mind...
Because I'm not the baddest, And this isn't savage, But I'm never gonna break that vow, I'm never gonna leave you now.
~Eldest Daughter, Taylor Swift
Heat
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Fear was not a feeling she tried to get very used to. Quite the opposite, of course. She had spent most of her life trying to feel anything but that. Anything but waves upon impulsive waves of that one tarnished, drowning emotion. But sometimes, giving up was, infact, much easier.
Like now.
Blood did not frighten her. But the possibility of its implication now, terrified her down to the marrow of every bone in her body. She was not supposed to be having her monthly cycles now. But if her years as a woman had taught her anything, it was understanding her body. And understanding it very well. Otherwise one could scarcely live well as a woman.
Right now, she hoped and prayed that all her understandings were wrong and she was not having her monthly bleeding while she was almost certain that she was pregnant.
But maybe she was not. Maybe she was hoping wrong, reading it all wrong. Maybe this was indeed her monthly bleeding and not a hope being shattered.
By the Gods, why did she even want it? Even bother with the hope or even the idea of it so very soon after the birth of her youngest son yet? She should have just opted for the contraception concoction for longer and called it a year.
Should have just-
A cold, impossibly soft hand on hers made her whole body freeze up. But she was careful to slowly let go of the fragile sheet of paper in her tightening grip, and let it drop to the table.
"Are you alright?", it was Valandhara's soft, concerned voice from the other side of the table that broke her out of her tensed reverie.
Right, she was teaching her some of the ins and outs of the royal household finances. She would not - could not - show her all the ropes, that was against their very in-laid codes, but she could show her enough that the younger lady would understand. Would help others understand and act accordingly as well. It felt entirely wrong to limit such everyday knowledge to herself.
But the core of all disasters lay in trust. In sharing too much with too many. So it went without saying that a lot was kept amongst the six of them and just the six of them. The inner council came in the next order of heirarchy, privy to enough knowledge to run the empire in their absence.
Some of it all, however, was destined to wither away with the six of them and filter down to their children.
Their children. Like the one who she could not decide if she bore within her now, or not.
The test had returned a positive turn of shade. This-
"Didi?"
She shut her eyes tight for a moment to regain her composure. She needs to stop with all those wandering thoughts, dear gods.
