Don't Ask // l.payne

Is it ever enough?

{Scratch that, the NEXT chapter is last!}

Liam and I stayed out of that ritual for the night, which broke my heart, but I had to stay away.

My mind wasn't exactly calm, but it wasn't racing as I read a magazine in my Hawaii dressing room.

Things were complicated. Cameron was always there, but Kana was still sick and couldn't talk to me at all. It kind of worried me, but I knew she was fine.

"Hey, babe," cameron silently closed the door on her way in, "Time to get dressed."

I let out a dramatic groan, "Whyyyyyy?"

She snickered, "I know it's hard, but you can do it."

I laughed, "Thanks for the comfort."

After she flat-ironed my hair, I changed into a white muscle shirt and underwear-like red denim shorts. White supras over my feet before I bounded out onstage.

I made a point to ignore Liam, which he hated, but he played along.

"Hello, Hawaii!!" I yelled into my mic.

The venue was huge and smelled of salt water, which I adored.

The screams ceased and I continued, "Since people have come to want explanations for my song choices," in an animated way, I sighed and rolled my eyes, "Here it goes: Blah blah blah, the first one is about a mix of confusion and love, the second is about pain and love-" I cringed, "Love." the word tasted funny on my lips.

The crowd laughed, not knowing the real reason behind it.

"Well, here it goes!" the band played for a few seconds before the song, which I made accustom to my voice, came to the place where I picked up.

"I dive into frozen waves where the past comes back to life

Fight fear for the selfish pain, it was worth it every time

Hold still right before we crash 'cause we both know how this ends

A clock ticks 'til it breaks your glass and I drown in you again

'Cause you are the piece of me I wish I didn't need

Chasing relentlessly, still fight and I don't know why

If our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy?

If our love's insanity, why are you my clarity?

If our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy?

If our love's insanity, why are you my clarity?

Walk on through a red parade and refuse to make amends

It cuts deep through our ground and makes us forget all common sense

Don't speak as I try to leave 'cause we both know what we'll choose

If you pull then I'll push too deep and I'll fall right back to you

'Cause you are the piece of me I wish I didn't need

Chasing relentlessly, still fight and I don't know why

If our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy?

If our love's insanity, why are you my clarity?

Why are you my clarity?

Why are you my remedy?

Why are you my clarity?

Why are you my remedy?

If our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy?

If our love's insanity, why are you my clarity?"

{EL!}

Yep, you guessed it, that song was for Liam. No matter how toxic I felt we were, I had the feeling of wanting him anyway.

I bowed continuously until the cheering stopped, "Now! I love this song the most, but before I song it, I must change!"

I ran off, leaving them in laughter. I hugged Zayn, Harry, skipped Liam, Niall and Louis before changing again.

Lace dress, cream heels, infinity ring and hair weaves-all in under five minutes, Cam was awesome.

I came back out in a rush, grasping the black device in my hands, "I'm back!"

The band played and the song instantly made me feel better.

"No I’m never gonna leave you darling

No I’m never gonna go regardless

Everything inside of me is living in your heartbeat

Even when all the lights are fading

Even then if your hope was shaking

I’m here holding on

I will always be yours forever and more

Through the push and the pull

I still drown in your love

And drink 'til I’m drunk

And all that I’ve done,

Is it ever enough

I’m hanging on a line here baby

I need more than if's and maybe's

We’ll come down from the highest heights

Still searching for the reason why

And now I know what it’s like,

Reaching from the other side

After all that I’ve done

I will always be yours forever and more

Through the push and the pull

I still drown in your love

And drink 'til I’m drunk

And all that I’ve done,

Is it ever enough?

For all that it’s worth, is it worth it?

Cause more than it’s hard to desert it

For all that it’s worth, is it worth it?

How do we know without searching?

I will write you this song to get back what’s ours

Would that be enough?

I will always be yours forever and more

Through the push and the pull

I still drown in your love

And drink 'til I’m drunk

And all that I’ve done,

Is it ever enough?

For all that it’s worth, is it worth it?

Is it ever enough?

How could we know without searching?

Is it ever enough?"

I'm hanging on the line here, Liam, I need more than if's or maybes..........

 I made a desicion Liam, and  hope it's a good one.

I breathed a great sigh and walked offstage.

Tonight was New Years, I will make this work.