I Don't Love You [[GERARD WAY FANFIC]]

Arguing With Yourself Will Just Drive You Crazy

-Anastasia's POV-

Gerard kept me against the wall, but that only made the pain in my stomach worse. I tried to pull my head away so I could speak.

"Gerard. Stop. It hurts-'" I breathed hoping he'd help me.

He stopped and looked down at the blood in my shirt and tightened his lips. I could tell he didn't want to stop, but I had been bleeding into this bandage for about a day and a half now. He helped me sit down on the bed, and then he went into one of the bags of luggage and found some sort of first aid kit. I tried to grab it from him.

"Let m-me do it." I gritted my teeth. My mind was racing. What the actual fuck had just happened? I tried to distance myself from Gerard immediately, feeling guilty.

Gerard raised his eyebrows and tossed the supplies at me. "Go ahead sugar." He smirked at my nervousness, glad to see that he had caused it.

I grabbed the kit and slowly made my way to the room bathroom. I closed and locked the door. The bathroom was quit large. It had two sinks resting beneath a large mirror with an exquisite looking shower behind it. I made my way over to the bathroom counter and set the kit on the table. That was the first time i had looked in a mirror for days. I almost didn't recognize myself. My eyes were exhausted-looking, with obvious gray circles under them. My hair was still in a messy bun, and my once white tank top now had blood completely covering one side. I took the tank top off, seeing the bandage that had been wrapped around my stomach was now soaked in blood.

Damn this was going to hurt like a motherfucker.

I slowly peeled the bandage off from around my stomach, and I winced when the wound was introduced to fresh air. It stung horribly, but I grit my teeth as I reached for a wash cloth. I knew it was going to hurt, but I had to clean away all the blood from my stomach and wound, otherwise it might get infected and I seriously didn't need that right now. While I slowly patted the blood off my stomach with my wash cloth, I couldn't stop thinking about what had just happened with Gerard.

Why did I let him keep on kissing me?

I hadn't kissed him back, but I hadn't stopped him; that was what scared me.

I couldn't do this to myself; I had no feelings for Gerard! Did I?

No I didn't!

This was the man who was constantly beating and belittling me. This was the man who had carved his own initial into my skin!

But then there was always that way his eyes gleamed with mystery and-

NO JUST FUCKING NO

I picked the bandage off the table, and closed my eyes as I tried to fight out the pain. I slowly began to wrap it around the wound, tightly, but not enough so that it couldn't breath. I returned to my thoughts.

What about Frank though?

Hadn't I let him kiss me that last time also?

But Frank wasn't Gerard and...

NO
NO
DONT GO THERE SELF
DONT LET YOURSELF TRUST THEM
DONT LET YOURSELF FALL FOR THEM

I couldn't do that. Letting myself get close to them would only be digging my own grave. They were manipulators; The second I let them think that Id fallen for them, would be the second they'd have total control over me. That couldn't happen. It wouldn't happen. I wouldn't let myself-

There was a knock on the door.

"Listen darling, I'm sure that it's not very fun to bandage a bullet wound, but it's also not very fun to be late to your own deal. So hurry the fuck up, get out of there, and get dressed!" I heard Gerard yell through the door. Even when I couldn't see his face, I could here the smugness in his voice. I could never fall for someone that self righteous and narcissistic. But then a small thought creeped into the back of my mind.

But what about Frank? You never told him that you didn't like kissing him...

No. Stop it. Shut up subconscious.

Maybe because you also liked it...

NOPE

FUCK YOU TOO SUBCONSCIOUS

IM DONE

I panicked and after finishing wrapping my wound successfully. My side still hurt, but the pain was more of a dull buzzing, unlike earlier when it felt like I was being struck my lightning and drowned in lava at the same time.

I needed to distract myself. I needed to get dressed, go to the damn business deal party thing, and never have those thoughts again. I opened the door to the bathroom, and, being able to walk slightly normally now, stepped out into the room.

During my panic to distract myself, I forgot that I was only wearing a bra and the bandage around my stomach. I also forgot that Gerard was in the room.

He had been sitting on the bed in front of the bathroom, typing something on his phone. By the time I realized that I wasn't wearing a fucking shirt, it was too late.

His eyes widened and he gave me an evil smile. "If you wanted to fuck me, you could have just asked!" He smirked.

My jaw dropped as my eyes widened. I brought my arms up to cover my chest as I backed back into the bathroom. I grabbed my bloodied tank top and put it on.

Gerard smirked at me the entire time.

How the hell could he say that! I was completely embarrassed as I walked slowly to the other bed. I looked and saw a long, crimson-colored evening gown had been placed there. It has a one shoulder dress that fit snugly until the stomach, and then the bottom was flowy. It was beautiful. There were also a pair of drop diamond earrings and a matching necklace on the bed. A pair of red pumps completed the outfit on the bed.

Wow

Was I really going to wear this.

My gazing at the gown was interrupted.

"I see you like the dress we picked out." He snickered. "I do too, but I think either way, on or off you, is alright with me." He gave me a wink.

I bit my lip to keep from saying something I'd regret. How could I have kissed this bastard.

He chuckled at my uncomfortableness. "Make up is in the small violet bag at the end." He nodded to luggage which had been lined up. "Make yourself real pretty for me princess. I want to smell the jealousy from a mile away." His eyes twinkled with amusement. I said nothing as I grabbed the dress, jewels, and makeup and walked slowly back into the bathroom.

I made sure to put the dress on carefully, not wanting to move the wrong way in case it caused the wound to start bleeding again. I looked in the mirror and was taken aback. Ironically enough, I felt like a princess. I put of black mascara, eyeliner, and eyeshadow for a dark but mysterious look. I finished off my face with crimson lipstick. For my hair, I put it in a messy, but elegant bun with tendrils of hair coming down in some spots. I put the earrings and necklace on and looked into the mirror at my finished look. I wanted to be happy for myself. I wanted to think that I looked beautiful. But how could I be beautiful on the outside, when I was so dark on the inside.

The smile ran from my face as I exited into the room. Gerard had his hands in his suit pockets and was staring at the ground before he looked up at me.

He eyes lit up, and I was surprised at his sudden loss of words. He walked over to me and put an arm around my waist. I looked at the ground, I was still ashamed about what had happened earlier.

"Come on darling," he regained his normal smirk as he led me out the room door, "Let the games begin."

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I WOULD LIKE TO START OFF BY GIVING MY SINCEREST APOLOGY TO ALL OF YOU FOR NOT UPDATING TODAY!! I WAS SO BUSY AND I FEEL TERRIBLE FOR NOT BRING ABLE TO MAKE THE TIME TO POST ANYTHING! PLEASE DONT HATE ME BECAUSE I STILL LOVE YOU ALL!!! *takes deep breath* Anyways, now that I've got that off my chest, I'd like to THANK EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE FOR HELPING MY FAN FIC GET TO 1000 READS! Finding that out made my day and I was so excited! I know this fan fic has its good and it's bad chapters, but I really appreciate everyone that has taken the time to continue reading, voting, and commenting! I You're all amazing and I hope you keep on doing that! I hope this chapter was ok, but seriously you all rock so STAY FABULOUS!! *MWAH* *MWAH* *MWAH* (you get three air kisses this time :):):m) )

---Fabbyulous1