The Opportunity of a Lifetime

Chapter 40 (Cheryl's POV)

"Cheryl, you okay? You've been staring at the wall for the past ten minutes," Hailey asks me.

"Uh, yeah I'm fine. Just kinda tired." And depressed, and mad, and sad, and upset, and confused, and empty, and worn out, and scared, and worried. Just to name a few. But of course I wouldn't tell anyone that. That just gives them another unnecessary reason to worry about me. I don't worry about myself, so why should anyone else?

Ever since that one night, I haven't ever been the same. The wall I've been building for years really has crashed down. Everyone can tell something's wrong, and I guarantee you they have an idea why, since I told more than one person for the first time about what was on my mind, but there isn't anything they can do. I haven't said anything that was on my mind since then.

Pete and I have grown kind of distant. I know it hurts him that I won't tell him things, and it hurts me too. I just don't want any other people to think I'm weak. Its enough just for me to know that.

Hailey and I... I haven't told her much of anything either. Can I trust her like I used to? If she will bring up my weak spots to use against me out of anger, what could she do any other time? I know the guilt kills her, I can tell by looking into her eyes. But it still happened. She still hurt me. But I suppose I'm hurting her too.

I don't trust anyone to be honest. Of course Hailey is still my best friend, and I really like Pete, and the guys are really great and supportive, but I just don't feel right pouring over myself to them. They've got enough things to worry about, and my selfishness isn't one of them. This is something I just have to take care of myself.

Hailey looks at me. She knows I'm lying, but I don't have the energy to care. I continue staring at the ever-interesting wall.

"Were gonna do something fun today," Pete declares, walking in from the kitchen with a pizza slice in his hand. Any other time I would have joked with him about his neediness for the Italian food, but right now I don't feel up to it. He looks at me expectantly, as if he just brought the pizza with him to see if I'd say anything. When he realizes I don't, he just kind of sulks over to the couch on the other side of the room.

If it could be possible, I feel even worse.

"Like what? I'm pretty sure we've done everything there is to do here," Patrick says, flopping down on the couch next to Hailey, pecking her cheek.

"Please don't fuck on the floor," I find myself saying. Hailey's head whips around to me, and she smiles so wide I find myself cracking a grin, too. "I just told you I didn't want to hear your animalistic moans coming from your naked body, why so smiley?"

"I'm just happy you said something more like yourself, you perverted fuck," she says, chuckling. I don't say anything, I just attempt to smile at her. She probably shouldn't get used to it.

I burrow farther into my chair, wishing sleep would overcome me. Of course it doesn't. I suddenly feel a hand tugging my body from my den, and I groan.

"Come on, I was comfortable."

"Too bad," I hear Pete saying. "I'm going to get you to have fun if its the last thing I do."

"You'll be trying for a while," I mutter. He just raises his eyebrows at me.

-------------------------

Currently I'm sitting on a swing in the park that Pete forced me to, just rocking back and forth and being alone with my thoughts. Usually Hailey is there when she knows I'm alone, so I wouldn't start to think too hard. But I know she won't bother-

"There you are."

The girl herself walks towards me, settling on a swing beside me.

"Fuck," she mutters, standing up and staring at the swing accusingly. She grabs it and slings it over the pole, making the chain shorter. She then sits back down on it. "That's better. Either I'm getting too big or the swing set is shrinking."

I smirk, still staring at the ground. "If I told you my opinion you'd slap me."

"You don't have to," she says, slapping my arm. I feign a look of hurt, and she starts to apologize, but when she leans toward me I take the opportunity and slap her arm harder.

That soon turns into one our legendary hitting matches, and both of us have red hand prints on our arms.

"We haven't done that in a while," Hailey says nostalgically.

"Fuck, I don't think I miss it," I groan, rubbing my arm. She just laughs, continuing to swing.

I swing with her, at war with my mind.

Just tell her about what happened. She'll understand. She at least deserves to know.

But what if I can't trust her anymore? What if I can't trust anyone?

You could always trust her. So what if she slipped up? Everyone messes up. Don't cast her off for one mistake she's made. You've made mistakes too, and she hasn't given up on you.

I haven't given up on her. I've given up on myself.

Let her help you.

I sigh, and decide that I'm going to tell her.

"I saw him."

She stops swinging. "What?"

"I saw Mike," I say again, quieter this time.

She stops my swing so she can look at me. "Really? When? Where?"

Slightly taken aback that she believed me, I explain. "In my bunk. After our fight. A couple weeks or so afterward. That's what made me come out that day. I know it was really him, Hailey. I've never made anything like that up with my mind before. It was too real."

"I believe you, Cheryl. You don't have to explain. I know you wouldn't lie to me."

After a moment of silence, we start swinging again. Were still silent, but this time its a comfortable silence, just enjoying each other's presence. I've finally gotten that off my chest, and I'm glad it was to her.

Maybe we can still be best friends like we used to.