Saved By Zerrie

Chapter 12

Kali's Pov

It's our last day at the hotel before we get on the buses so far I have been having a good time for the most part still having a whole heap of nightmares/flashbacks every night the flashbacks hurt, the lack of sleep is making me feel exhausted and I feel moody and it takes what energy I have to make it thoguh the day without snapping at someone, but despite that it has been good, we have done lots of sightseeing and all that sometimes just with the girls from little mix a few times just me Perrie and Amelia sometimes without them Perrie took us to see the statue of liberty it was awesome. Tonight she is taking us to see a Broadway show called wicked I can't wait. Its current around 3am and I am once again on the roof like I have been every other morning since we got here sometimes I doze back of up here with the Jacket my real dad left me, the concrete hurts my body after a while and it is freezing cold but it is what I have known for so long so sleep comes a bit easier for me. Just before sunrise Demi joins me up here and then we go and get a coffee. I'm happy she doesn't question what I am doing on the roof.

I feel someone shaking my shoulders I'm guessing I fell asleep

"Kali wake up" I see Demi standing in front of me with Milly in e=her arms and Jesy next to her I smile but It falls when I see that Milly has been crying. I stand up and grab her from Demi and she hugs me tight, I just swing us a little and rub her back I look at Demi and Jesy for an explanation.

"I was just about to leave when I saw this little one walking out of your room crying she was looking for you so I told her I would bring her to you and then I saw Jesy and told her to come to don't worry we left a note for Perrie you must have forgotten because we couldn't see one" Demi says I nod and realize I did in fact forget to leave a note

"Well thank you for bringing her and leaving a note" I say and we all walk to the chair that is near the edge and sit down Milly looks up at me making my heat melt a little I know I say it all the time but she really is just too cute she looks a little confused

"We come up here to watch the sunrise princess it is really beautiful like you" I whisper in her ear causing her to smile. We watch the sunrise in peace i think about all the things that have gone right I remember Demi saying once why she watches the sunrise she thinks of three good things in her life it helps her stay positive and happy so I thought I would give it a try they are the same everyday 1 Amelia 2 Zayn and Perrie 3 Music they are the things that are good in my life I lean over and rest my head on Jesy's shoulder feeling the cold seep into my bones a bit. I'm still having troubles eating ever since that incident at the restraunt I don't know why it is affecting me so much because the people I lived with before used to tell me how fat I was all the time I never really let it get to me but now it is different, I think been Perrie and Zayn's adopted child ideally I need to be perfect before I was a no one, well I still am a no one in a sense.

We are at the coffee shop I only just realized that Milly is still in her PJs but that ok she is three she can get away with it, Perrie is looking for someone who can tutor mw while they are on tour to try and get me to the level I am supposed to be at and then we will discuss weather or no I go to a proper school I'm not sure how I feel about school it wasn't a good experience when I did get to go. Amelia is once again talking away about who knows what I look at her and realize she has a milk mustache Jesy takes a pic of her and I ask her to send it to me. We decide to get back to the hotel and have breaky with everyone else Jesy has Milly on her shoulders and me and Demi trail behind a little walking in silence. Once we reach the hotel only the girls from fifth harmony are awake so I decide to go and lay with Perrie for a bit until she wakes leaving the Amelia out with the others I just want some peace even if it is just a small bit, not just peace from people but the voices in my head, the flashbacks and sometimes when I'm just lying down with Perrie I get that peace the other time is when I'm cutting. I carefully get into bed next to Perrie and cuddle into her chest and she wraps me up I guess she knows I'm here but she still asleep. I lay in silence the thought clearing I snuggle into her chest a bit feeling safe and comfy why can't I do this when she is awake, in a way I feel like it is weak relying on her like this but I do need her I have to try and stop denying that, my head is so messed up all the time the nightmares, the images, the voices the constant fear looking over my shoulder waiting for someone to jump out and get me when I start feeling the smallest bit of happiness darkness seems to take back over I wish I could sleep in peace I wish I can be truly happy or hold onto it for just a little while, don't I deserve that? Maybe not I must have done something real bad I would wish this pain on anyone after a while I guess I fall asleep again.