Saved By Zerrie

Part 38

Well tonight is the big night, Blake Is taking me on an actual date, I am anxious as anything, I don't know why, we always spend time together. I have pretty much fully healed now still a little sore if I overdo it but a lot better. Blake has been by myside constantly, she goes to school then come back at night and stay over or as late as she can before her mum wants her home to spend some time with her. Debbie is leaving in 3 days so after my date with Blake I will be spending time with Nana she has been so good the last month. Yes, it has taken a month for me to get to this point of recovery. The area has healed it is tender but it has a soft scar over it now. Nana has been there to keep Amelia entertained when mum and dad either have work or are taking care of me. She has been cooking and looking after me when mum and dad have taken Amelia out. Debbie is crazy we have dance parties watch random movies but instead of watching she mutes it and we make up the lines as we go. At first it hurt because we would laugh so much but now it isn't so bad.

it took a while but after a week we managed to tell mum it was ok to go to work but she is constantly checking in after the first 2 weeks dad started leaving to spend time with Amelia, I think Debbie was grateful for this. She loves Amelia but Amelia is one energetic kid and Debbie struggles to keep up. Where as Zayn keeps up a lot better.

I'm lying in bed waiting for the others, Blake had to go home last night, it's odd I really have gotten used to get sleeping next to her and she makes me feel safe. I can feel my anxiety building by the moment what am I meant to wear, where are we going, what will we talk about, what happens if the paps turn up, what happens if I have a panic attack. Is she using me? She is way too nice and to beautiful, I'm a nothing, I'm ugly, I'm covered in scars

"you are fat, ugly and useless, you are worthless, Zayn and Perrie don't even want you around and you are a burden and ruining their lives, they don't even love you, no one loved you, no will ever love you, they only keep you because you look good for publicity" the voices keep getting louder and louder reminding me that I am a nothing I start banging my head against my head board trying to get it to stop the voices I feel tears fall down my face as they keep screaming at me. They have to keep reminding me that I don't belong in this family, I don't belong anywhere.

"Kalani, Kalani that's enough stop it baby", don't listen to them" I hear someone call and they attempt to stop me from hitting my head. Causing me to fight against I can't pick the voice which scares me even more.

"Kalani that's enough calm down, mummy has you. Stop listening to them baby, mummy has you" I hear mum say to me and I stop fighting begging her to stop the voices. She starts singing and they voice start to quieten after the 3rd song. Then mum just rocks us back and forth reassuring me it is ok. Right now, my head hurts a lot from the crying and the hitting.

"I have you baby girl" she says carefully rubbing the back of my head.

"mama my head hurts" I whimper making her hold me tighter.

"I bet it does baby, wait here I'll get you some tablets then you need to tell me what is happening" mum says starting softly then frimmer making me panic a little, she moves me off her lap and goes to get some pain relief. She seems to be rushing clearly worried about leaving me for too long in case I do something stupid. I just sit there hugging Skye close to me with tears rolling down my face the pain is bad.

"here baby girl, take these" she says handing me 3 tablets "2 pain killers, one for the anxiety" Mum says I take them and she sits next to me. I don't feel like talking to Mum, while she is the best person to calm me down, I know the words I'm about to tell her will hurt her, she hears and sees them often form me and she always ends up crying after which I hate, plus I don't want to stress her out she has so much going on I know she is stressed at work, with me been in the hospital, me been sick, Amelia been Amelia.