Saved By Zerrie

Part 21

AN there is a bit of bad language in the Chapter and a Authors note at the end

Kalani's POV

Its 10:30 and I have just taken my sleeping pill but my mind is in over drive I am now laying staring at the roof whilst my puppy sleeps next to me. I am feeling incredibly anxious about meeting Zayn and Perrie's family I'm not the most likable person and I don't want to be a cause of a disappointment for Perrie or Zayn. I bet they will love Amelia, one thing I am also scared about is what if they hurt me, what if they make Zayn and Perrie get rid of me because they don't want a disappointment in the family, I have said that if it came down to it and Zayn and Perrie decide I am too much but keep Amelia that I would be ok with the but really the mere thought kills me and the thought of not having the protection and love from Zayn and Perrie I have become attached I tried not to but I did. It's still early so I decide to grab my dairy that they have placed back on my bed side table I open it to the last page that I wrote on and see a reply from Zayn basically my last entry was another apology for the way I acted yesterday, apologized for my foul mood and the only explanation I was able to give was because I was tired and how I thought I would be ok. Zayn's reply basically says that it is ok and it doesn't change the way they feel about me and how proud they were that I was able to remove myself before I blew up. I turn to a fresh page not even sure what I want to write but I let my the pen roll and the words flow

"it scares me how quick I trusted them, it scares me how quick they can hurt me because of that trust, it scares me how quick they were able to not knock down the walls that I worked to build but they climbed over them swiftly and not just the walls in my mind but the walls of my heart, it scares me that now they are in there it gives them the ability to knock them down destroying me in the process and I don't know how to stop it happening. I'm scared about meeting their parents, what if they hate, me what if the try to make them get rid of, they are there parents after all they can make them get rid of me because let's face it who wants a disappointment of a child as part of their perfect family, I don't fit into the perfect family, I'm to damage to fit into the perfect family, maybe I should just enjoy the moments I have left at least ill have some memories of happier times instead of a life time of bad memories. Maybe this is the last morning that I will get to enjoy the warmth of the bed, the cuddles from my little sister when she wakes, the feeling of love and safety when they come in for morning cuddles. I have come to love these moments in the morning it feels like one of the only times where I feel beyond safe, like nothing can hurt me, I wish we could always stay like that forever, but I'm not the type of person who gets the happily ever after, I don't know what I have done to deserve this life I have been given, I wish I knew so I could change it. I just hope they can continue to give Amelia the life she deserves, the life I wish I could give her but can't she deserves that, she deserves all the love and happiness in the world." I stop once I hear footsteps I look up and see my baby sister walking in with tears rolling down her cheeks once she notices I'm awake she runs over and I help scoop her up

"what's the matter princess" I ask cradling her like a baby as tears still roll down her sweet little face

"I had bad dweam" she says I should have guessed she doesn't normally wake up "and my wegs hurt" she says her eyes and voice begging for me to fix it. I think it is growing pains I have read about them and had them a few times myself and I tell you what they hurt a lot and there isn't a lot you can really do to help.

"the dream wasn't real princess, come on let's get something to help your legs" I says she nods against me, I run her a warm bath and whist that is running I go down and get some children's Panadol for her which she takes without complaint I know she is tired as well as in pain so she won't put up to much of a fight right now give it five and the tiredness will get worst and she will start whining I'm really hoping to avoid it. I turn the bath off and set her in but she clings to me with tears still rolling down her face