The Catastrophe Of Chance

Chapter 1: Beyond this hospital

This is Chance *at the top*
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Chance:

It has been 2 weeks since my doctor put me back on chemo. This has been my 3rd setback in the past 4 years, putting my mom and dad over the edge and my faith down the toilet. My mom's relentless crying and my dad's newly found inability to look at me doesn't make me feel any better. It also doesn't help that my older sister Jurnee died 3 years ago from the same cancer that is killing me. After my sister died, my mom thought it would be a good idea for her to pull me out of school. Since she had quit her job as a college professor to take care of Jurnee, she started homeschooling me. The homeschooling worked in her favor so she could keep a close eye on me I case I took a turn for the worst.

What sucked the most about when my sister was close to her death, was my remission. Jurnee was 17 and I was 15 at the time. While Jurnee was laying in that hospital bed, withering away, I was in remission. I couldn't enjoy that my body was in remission because all I could think about was Jurnee and how bad I wanted her to get better. I would have traded places with her in a heartbeat if I could, but I knew it didn't work like that and I hated it. I wanted to see her smile again and call my a dork like she used to. When Doc.Morelli came into the room with that stupid expression on her face, I knew there was nothing more that could've been done. Doc. Morelli had told us Jurnee only had a few hours to live. Jurnee slept though those two hours. She was so quite that we only knew she was with us because of the slow beeping of the heart monitor. In that eerie moment when Jurnee finally let go, I felt happy. I was happy for the first time in a long time because Jurnee wouldn't suffer any more. I wouldn't have to see her cringe in pain and her frail body working against her, slowly killing her. She was finally at peace.

          As I lay in this painfully familiar hospital bed, I think about my life and I try to picture myself beyond this hospital bed. I try to picture myself doing something I'm passionate about. I am surprised by the lost memory as a boy when I wanted to be a doctor. I smile at another memory.

          I used to have a stethoscope Santa Clause (my grandpa) gave me for Christmas at 7 years old. I would wear that thing everywhere my parents could not get me to take it off. With that stethoscope I thought I could cure anything. I used to use it on everything. Trees, people, TV, food, etc. My grandparents had come over family dinner for Christmas, Jurnee and I had run out of the house before they could even get out of the car. My grandpa always had money for us, while grandma would always have wet kisses that we tried to get away from.

" Well, you've grown up quite a bit. Soon I'm break my back trying to pick you up. You are way too tall for your age!"
My grandpa joked. He'd  picked up both Jurnee and myself. He walked us into the house and set Jurnee into a chair.
" You just get cuter and cuter every time we visit" grandpa said to Jurnee touching her nose, making her giggle. He shifted me around and look at the stethoscope.
" You like it? It used to be mine when I was a doctor." I had nodded my head viciously, toying with the gift.
" Have you ever heard a heartbeat before?" He had asked, smiling. I shook my head no. He put the stethoscope ear buds in my ears and placed the diaphragm to his chest, then I heard it. I had heard the musical thump of the heart. It was so steady and simply amazing. And in that moment, my fate was sealed, I just knew I was going to be a doctor.

          When a nurse came in for a quick check up, I snapped back to reality. This hospital would only be a reminder to why being a doctor would stay a memory, a lost passion. With my condition, how will I be able to help anyone when I can't help myself? If I'm gonna make my dreams a reality, I need to start small.

First, I need to get out of here.

"Nurse!"