Letters to Italy

26. hold me

The next days were a disaster, I almost wanted to kill myself. The relationship with my parents became even worse and the feeling of missing Gianluca had risen to a higher level. I sent Gianluca a message "6".

"16" he answered.

"What?" was I that wrong with my counting of the days? No I was right, 6 days and my exams were over. But before I could wonder why he wrote that he already called me.

"I'm so sorry, but I can't come the first 10 days after your last exam!" I was shocked. I didn't see that coming. "Nooo, why?"

"Because we have a lot to do with Il Volo! But 16 and 17 September are the first days I really am free and I can come to Belgium. It's a long trip, I can't do that on one single day! I mean, when I'm there, I already have to leave again. So I need minimum two days. And that were the first two days that were possible."

I felt better again since I now really knew when he was coming. And ten days more, that should be possible to survive.

11 september

11 September, the day of the truth. The results of my exams. I really didn't know what to expect, but since I was very nervous, it didn't predict something good. But apparently my feelings were wrong.

"Yeeeees!" I shouted when I saw I had passed two of the three exams. My day couldn't end better. I immediately let everyone know the good news, even my parents. On moments like that I forgot about my stubbornness.

I was just so happy. I didn't study the whole summer for nothing. And I was one step closer to graduating and to Gianluca.

16 september

"Gianlucaaaaa!" I shouted to him when I saw him at the airport of Brussels. I ran straight toward him without looking to anything else but his beautiful eyes, which I already could see sparkling from meters away. When I was closer, I saw a bit of tears in his eye corners. It seemed like he had missed me too, a lot.

When I reached him I jumped into his arms and he kissed me passionately, lifting me up in the air. "I missed you so, so much!" he said, the tears still in his eyes. I couldn't say anything that moment, my emotions took over every other thing. I started crying too, this time from happiness of course.

A few minutes later we were walking toward the car, which I luckily was allowed to use. My parents weren't that bad in the end. I drove for almost two hours to my home. But it was difficult to concentrate again, with Gianluca next to me.

The next two days were fantastic. I showed him a bit of my hometown and the neighborhood. My mom cooked some Belgian food, just like his mom had made typically Italian food for me and my dad had nice talks with him. It was like there wasn't a single problem. And my parents seemed to like him a lot. What a contradiction with the previous two months. But I knew they probably still meant everything they said about the money and that it's not easy and stuff like that.

But that were worries for later.

On the second day I brought him back to the airport. With pain in my heart, because if I could I would have followed him to Italy. But my parents didn't want me to, because the first lessons from the new year were about to start in just 4 days. And I really needed some preparations for that.

5 days later

Seeing my 'friends' again was not what I had hoped. They were being selfish, arrogant and stupid. And above all, they didn't believe me when I told them about my adventures. They were saying I was a big liar. I showed my medallion but they said that I could have bought it myself. Then I showed them a message on my phone, but they still didn't believe me because that could be fake too. It hurt me they thought I would actually do such a thing, faking a relationship with a celebrity.

I didn't want to show them my facebook messages because then they could see his real account and that was definitely not meant for persons like them. Most of them didn't even really know who he actually was. "It's again one of your stupid idols for sure!"

The worst thing was that one girl, Rosalie, was an 'Ilvolover' too. But in my opinion she definitely was not an Ilvolover because then she would've seen the pictures of me and Gianluca on twitter for example. I was sick of their behavior so I didn't show it to them. If they still didn't believe me after what I already told them, then they shouldn't know it anyway.

"Maybe I can ask Gianluca to come to the ball! Then they would be very shocked and I would be very proud of my Gianluca!" I thought.

The following days went by very slowly. Gianluca could visit me again in the middle of October he said. I already started counting the days again. It seemed like that was going to be a new hobby. The same one as Gianluca.

When I was home after a long day, I only wanted to think about Gianluca, but at the same time he was the reason why I wanted to study very hard. He was my only motivation. The only reason why I was breathing. My only hope.

When I took a break, I listened of course to Il Volo music, but sometimes another song came into my mind too. For example, 'hold me', a Eurovision song from 2013. I always loved that song, but now it really meant something to me. I sometimes sang along very loudly, the volume almost on its maximum again and me, trying to imitate the singer on top of my bed. But my version was even more powerful than the original. More dramatic. Maybe I should have made a video of that to send to Gianluca. To show him how much I missed him.

At the beginning of the song I sometimes cried a bit, because of the sentence: 'It was gonna turn out complicated..." I hoped the following sentence wouldn't come true. I really hoped our complicated relationship wasn't gonna explode someday. But actually I was waiting for him to say "this ain't gonna work". Not that I wanted him to say that. But everything was so complicated I really expected him to give up someday.