Letters to Italy

27. bring me the night

8 December

The weeks passed by very slowly but the days Gianluca was in Belgium flew by like a tornado. Passionate, but fast. Too fast. In between his visits, I did the same as always, studying, eating, breathing and thinking about Gianluca. He had been in Belgium three times already, so that means that we had been together for five small periods. The vacation in Abruzzo was the longest we had been with each other without a break. The times he was in Belgium were really short, but definitely worth it. Sometimes I still had to come home from Antwerp, were I studied, while Gianluca was already in my house. Waiting for me after travelling very long and he could just stay one night and the next day I had to go to a lesson again. I was quite sure it was a signal he really loved me, like really!

With that in my mind I walked to the mailbox outside, a little snowflake fell on top of my nose.

"Ciau, la mia principessa", I read, the smile on my face only became bigger.

"37 letters later, I still enjoy reading every new one you write me. I hope you like my letter too, because I'm very well aware that I probably repeat the same things all the time. About how much I love you! (But I try to say it in a different way each time.(But I might have said some things twice, thanks to my short-term memory I guess)). For me these letters are gifts from heaven. Your letters are the most precious things in my possessions. I hope we will keep writing letters to each other even when we might be together someday, like forever! I'll put them in a beautiful box and save them somewhere I can see the box a lot so I can think about it again. (But it's also possible that I put them in a safe!)"

The whole letter was perfect again, and I adored his handwriting. It certainly was a reflection of his elegance.

Actually I was surprised about this letter because he was writing everything down, I always thought about our letters. But maybe the idea of writing letters to each other until we die, what hopefully would be after minimum 60 years from now, was a bit too romantic again. Of course I was going to try that, but you need money for that too. I didn't know how long exactly it could last, but if I wanted to save some money to travel to Italy, I should be careful about how much money I spent on the letters. After 37 letters, I already knew what it did to my wallet. But as long as I wasn't totally out of money, I definitely was going to write him a bunch of letters, as if it was a full-time job.

Suddenly he called me. "Ciao Gianluca!" I said enthusiast. Not knowing that happiness would fade away after I knew what he was going to say.

"I don't really want to say this but my parents and family expect me with Christmas. It's a tradition in our family that everyone, including the ones that are touring the world most of the time, are there to celebrate Christmas with the whole family."

I couldn't say a thing the first seconds. I was just so sad about that, he promised me he would make time for me at Christmas times.

"But don't be sad! After that I can come to Belgium again!" he said, a bit too happy because I knew I would be studying after christmass for the exams again. And not only after, also before christmass I would be studying. Christmas would be the only day I could take a break. And you can think 'why not take that break on another moment? That's the same!' But it's not the same. I still had to take that break on that moment because my parents were expecting too that I joined them to the party with my family. And it would have been so nice if Gianluca was there too. But I couldn't afford to take another break on a new day after Christmas. Way too close to the exams and then my parents would be very mad at me too!

I explained it all to him. I could hear the disappointment in his voice. "But you know what?" he suddenly said. "I still can come to Belgium and stay in the house, very quite of course because I don't want to disturb you from studying, and when you take a break, you can do it with me!"

Again I had to make him a bit more sad, because I asked it to my parents and of course they said that it was not the right moment and that my exams were the first priority. I only agreed because I knew I definitely wouldn't be able to concentrate knowing Gianluca was sitting somewhere else in the house. And my goal was to pass all my exams from the first time, to have more free time in summer to spend with Gianluca.

We called for almost the whole evening and even later than that. The only reason why we paused sometimes was because we had to go to the toilet.

After long phone calls like that, I could sleep better than ever. While I was lying in bed, I listened to a song called 'bring me the night' because that was exactly what I wanted after a long day studying or doing stuff that didn't really matter to me. I wanted to close my eyes and imagine Gianluca was lying next to me. And that's how I filled all my nights without him.