Letters to Italy

38. burnt

I was wondering what he meant with that. But Piero disturbed us all of a sudden. "Sorry guys, but Gianluca, we have to perform some songs again." Gianluca looked like he didn't know that. He obviously was not ready for it that moment. But he turned to me and said "I'm sorry Aline. I have to go now but I hope we can talk later today?" His face was too adorable, so I couldn't say no and nodded to agree for another talk later that day.

When I stood next to Liene again, she looked very enthusiast and was waiting for a report of our conversation. She had clearly no doubt that it was positive. "We didn't say a lot," was the only thing I said. "I notice," she laughed. "But what exactly did you say then? Or what did he say? Or what did he not say?" She didn't give up. "Come on, tell me! One sentence." But I kept silence.

"One word. One single word!" she tried, using her puppy eyes too. That was clearly very popular that day. And it convinced me too. "One word?" I said serious. "Love!" Liene clapped excitedly in her hands. "Whoohooow, he still loves you! I knew it!"

"I didn't say he still loves me!" Her smile left her face a bit. She looked confused. "But we talked about it." And then she smiled again.

"Heeey, sisters!"

"Jonaaas!" I shouted, glad he distracted us from talking about Gianluca further. "Congratulations again! It's beautiful here. And your wife is gorgeous and you look so handsome!" I said.

"Grazie mille! But you already said that a few times today. "Oh, forgive me about that!" I laughed. "But you look gorgeous too! Like a princes! And Liene, you too of course!" Like a princes. That's what Gianluca used to say when we were together. I was his princes. And maybe I still am.

A few minutes later Il Volo was done performing. So I felt nervous again because I knew Gianluca wanted to talk further to me. And I was very curious how he was going to prove I still loved him. Of course I was and I could just tell him that but I decided first to listen what he had to say. How was he going to prove it? "Ahum..." It was Gianluca's voice, I knew for sure and after seeing Lienes bright smile I was even more sure. I turned around and saw Gianluca standing in front of me, a shy smile on his face. "Hi" he said. Just one small word like that and I fell in love with Gianluca even more than I ever had been in love with him. He was so perfect. It was hard to not just embrace him and give him kisses all over his gorgeous face.

"Do you want to talk further?"

I didn't hesitate anymore. "Yes!"

We walked to the bench in the hall, away from all the other guests.

"I just don't want you to feel uneasy today. It's your brother's wedding. You don't have to be shy or nervous for me," Gianluca explained like we never ended our previous conversation. "And I still love you, a lot," he said. "I think you should know that too." I blushed when he said that. It could be the proof he was talking about because my red cheeks made it very obvious I still loved him too, or at least I still loved hearing him say that.

It was quiet for a moment. Then I decided to talk again. "Nice music! I mean, the new music. It's perfect!" I smiled. The only thing he did was smiling too. He was very thankful about my compliment.

"Are you still touring a lot?" I asked.
"Yes, not more or not less than other years," he said but he clearly wanted to talk about other things.
"And you? Still studying?"
"Yes, but I hope to graduate in June."
"Oh, really! I'm so happy!" He smiled a lot now. "I mean, for you!"
"You can do it! I believe in you."

He really gave me courage somehow. But actually I wanted to talk about something different too. So I just asked it. "Gianluca? How were you going to prove that I...eh...you think...I still...love...you?"

Gianluca didn't say a thing. He smiled. Then he took an old and 'not so white anymore' envelope out of his pocket. The envelop was folded and the paper inside it even more. He unfolded it and started to read with his warm voice:

It's like my body, my mind & my heart only live to think about you and aren't able anymore to function the way they did before. It all has a reason. But I'm afraid to tell you in real life. That's why this letter was a better option.

Because the real truth is...

I'm in love with you, Gianluca Ginoble!

"You still have it?" I said shocked. He nodded. It was my first letter to him. I remember it like it was yesterday. How I struggled writing it and how Jonas tried to convince me I just had to write spontaneous and let my heart speak. I remember there were more than five papers thrown on the ground of my hotel room. I remember the stress about whether he was going to respond or not. I remember the excitement of opening the letter he sent to me as an answer. I remember it all.

"From day one, I keep it in the pockets of my clothes and I never quit doing that, even not after our break up." Wow, he was romantic. Now no one could deny that anymore.

"But I have to admit there were days I almost lost the letter. But the love I felt for you was so strong I always managed to find it again." I was amazed by this very beautiful idea of keeping the letter always close to him. And I suddenly felt guilty of letting him go. He didn't deserve that at all.

"It's like my body, my mind..." Gianluca started to read that part from the letter again. And I realized what he meant by 'proving I still loved him'. I couldn't function anymore, not when Gianluca was in the neighborhood. And I just told him almost an hour ago, it was all because of him. Based on what I had written in the very beginning to declare him my love, it was obvious I still loved him and Gianluca was the first one to notice that.

"Okay, I admit! I still love you too. And it never stopped." He looked so happy after I said that but I didn't know if that was a good idea. We were probably going to follow our own ways again soon. Starting from the very next day. And then again, our love was not possible. But I was relieved I just said him I still loved him too. It felt good. And then I wondered what he had done with all the other letters I sent him.

"Gianluca, what did you do with the last letter?"

"Burnt," he said emotionless.

"Oh," I said as short as he just answered my question. But after three seconds of being very serious we both laughed like it was a very good joke. That's what I did when I was very nervous, surprised, relieved and in love at the same time. Giggling a lot. It was better than feeling sad. But for sure that was a feeling for the next day, when I had to let him go again.