Jasper's Kill

Contemplation and Choice

Pictured Above: Sonya

*Sonya*

The Cullens gave me my own room upstairs and I settle in for the night on a bed with silky purple sheets. I sit in a tank top and pajama bottoms trying to wrap my mind around the things I've been told. The fact that vampires are real, and that I will become one. My heart races and I don't know how to feel when a knock comes to the door. I go to answer it, hesitant, not ready for anymore news. I find Rosalie on the other side, she looks worried and it confuses me.

"Sonya"

She begins, softly.

"I know you must be frightened, I'm so sorry about all this..."

She pauses

"Are you okay?"

I ask, my voice soft, Rosalie always seems upset and I've wondered often what might be wrong with her. It always upsets me to see someone else having a hard time. But she shakes her head.

"Yes, sweetheart, I'm fine"

She says with a wave of her hand before continuing, looking deeply into my eyes.

"I want you to know...that you don't have to do this. No matter what anyone has said to you, the choice is always yours"

She takes my hand in hers and the chill gives me goosebumps. It hadn't truly occurred to me that I had a choice so I nod.

"Thank you for saying that...I appreciate it"

She nods but doesn't break eye contact, she seems so strained, like there's so much she wants to say but can't find the words for.

"Listen"

I say, placing my other hand on top of hers

"I'm really sorry you're upset, we'll work through all this somehow, right? Just like Carlisle said. Just don't be sad anymore, okay?"

She smiles weakly and looks as though she might cry, but instead, pulls me into a hug, one with her arms around around my head and my head on her shoulder.

Rosalie

Sweet Sonya, I know it now, you must have been the little girl I was meant to have but never did. I hate to think of you as a monster like me, for it would mean that humanity has been stolen from the both of us. We'll never have the life we should have had together, but you will always be my daughter.

I pull back out of the hug and watch her smile. I try to return it before I pat her hand.

"Thank you"

I say this with sadness and turn away. Heart breaking again over what could have been. I can imagine her as a baby, as I had before, on the day that would have been her birthday. Chocolate eyes staring up at me from beneath her little white bonnet. She would have been perfect. She still is perfect. For now anyway, the way I will try to remember her; My little baby girl with a beating heart and a life that is her own.

*Sonya*

She tried to smile before she left, but I could tell she was still upset. I close my door and go back to the bed, it's midnight but I have no chance of sleeping. We're supposed to be changing me tomorrow, I think about Rosalie's words now and actually consider not doing it. It had been made clear to me that no matter what they would protect me, but that my best chance would be to change, that way I would be strong enough to fight.

Strong.

I've never felt strong before in my life. The idea is so tempting it's hard to imagine saying no. What would I be leaving behind? My life until now has been nothing but feeling worthless and weak. Now, I can be important, and strong. No one will ever be able to hurt me again, I wont ever let them. That's what I want. That's what I'll do. I'll change and I'll never be this weak, worthless little thing ever again. I've decided.