Healing

XX - dreams

I hope you enjoy this update! 

Bel, xx

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"You look better, livelier," Jinyoung's therapist comments during their session.

"I've been sleeping better," the young man answers, keeping his eyes locked on the view out of the window. He isn't really interested in the session, but he's forced to be there.

"I'm glad you're taking your pills," the professional commends. That makes Jinyoung scoff as he turns to meet the man's eyes. "Is it not that?"

"No. I told you I don't like how the sleeping pills make me feel." The therapist simply waits for Jinyoung to explain, so Jinyoung has to look away, trying to control his expression and hoping he isn't blushing. Because, of course, the face that pops up in his mind is Jaebeom's.

Jaebeom's calls, his messages, and simply spending the day with him have helped Jinyoung sleep much better. The only issue Jinyoung keeps having is those dreams. The other person with him doesn't always look exactly like Jaebeom, but they make him feel the same way. When Jinyoung wakes up, the only person he can think of is the young man who is courting him so straightforwardly.

Some nights, the longing he feels for Jaebeom when he wakes up is so strong that he feels desolate not having him there beside him. It almost makes Jinyoung grab his mobile to call him, just needing to hear his voice.

But other than that, everything seems great with Jaebeom. They continue spending time together, the older man always finding time to sneak into his day, sometimes monopolising Jinyoung's entire afternoon. As Jinyoung's body still can't handle much, they usually just walk or go somewhere quiet to talk or eat. Jaebeom is constantly feeding Jinyoung, whether it's snacks or full meals. It is actually helping Jinyoung regain his previous weight faster than expected since waking from the coma.

Jinyoung assumes the reason he keeps having those types of dreams—and that longing for a non-existent previous time with Jaebeom—is because he wishes they had met before. The impact the other man has had on his overall state of mind is already remarkable. Jinyoung can forget all about his own thoughts and just be in the moment with Jaebeom—laughing, teasing each other, learning new things. Jinyoung just can't help wondering how different things would have been if they had met sooner.

"Hanging out with friends makes me really exhausted by the end of the day," Jinyoung finally replies, not wanting to talk about Jaebeom and how quickly he's become so important to him. "You said it would help."

"I'm glad you took that advice and made friends. It's evident the effect they've had," the psychiatrist grants. Jinyoung can hear honest pride in his voice. It annoys him; the professional only suggested it—he shouldn't sound like he's taking credit for Jinyoung's improvement.

The rest of the session is spent trying to make Jinyoung talk about his friends; how they met and what they normally do. He only answers with what is strictly necessary, avoiding much detail. His therapist then shifts to asking about his medication and how he's felt with the dosages. He adjusts the one for Jinyoung's anxiety, as Jinyoung reports he hasn't felt any improvement in the months he's been taking it.

"I know you don't want to tell me—or anyone—much of what you really feel," the professional comments near the end of the session. "So why don't you look for other ways to let out those thoughts in your head?"

"Like what?"

"A hobby. Like writing or painting. Art is a great way to channel emotions. Since you don't want to open up to others, maybe you can try something like that for yourself."